Tag: Domestic abuse

12 Steps to Keeping Your Sanity When You Are Sleeping With the Enemy

This is in honor for my friend going through a rough time. Stand strong my sister – you can do this. You are worth so much more.

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12 Steps to Keeping Your Sanity When You Are Sleeping With the Enemy

Keeping your sanity – when you are sleeping with the enemy. Let me share a story. I came to the Lord during a time of crisis in my life. Isn’t that how it goes? Anyway, I was charmed by the ‘snake’ just like Eve in the garden. His talk was smooth, he was absolutely charming, but underneath he was a snake.  I lived many years in Domestic Abuse and little did I know that this was the start of a very destructive relationship. And, it has happened to me more than once  – more than one relationship.

The World calls him the Abuser,

the Doctors call him the Narcissist,

and the Church calls him the Jezebel Spirit.  

It’s all about deception, and ultimately power and control.

And you my friend are the target if you fall for his lies.

dont fall for it

 

Recently I got an email from a follower asking for action steps on how to keep your sanity in the middle of the mess. Thank you my friend for the inspiration.  Here is my experience.

 

12 STEPS TO KEEPING YOUR SANITY

WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

 

  1. Accept the fact that you have been deceived. The dream was a nightmare. It was not what you thought, and that’s ok. The truth will set you free.

  2. Ask God to help you and read His Word. Only the Truth will cut through the lies.

  3. Ask God to reveal where you have been lied to. And get ready for tears as God shows you.

  4. Once the Holy Spirit shows you, give yourself permission NOT to confront the Abuser/Narcissist/Enemy. You don’t have to prove yourself right. God is showing you, not him. And seriously, he doesn’t care – he doesn’t want to.

  5. Start a journal. Write down what happens. Find a scripture verse to hold onto for the situation and write that down too. I had a tendency to forget what happened with living from crisis to crisis. Seeing it down on paper over time made it real for me.

  6. Give yourself permission to NOT change him. It is not your job. And he probably doesn’t even want to change. He thinks he is right – all the time.

  7. Give yourself some space and time. Not everything has to be decided today.

  8. Seek out professional support. I had help from the Pastor, church friends, Counselors, and a few friends.

  9. Start to reestablish your independence – quietly if you are still living in the same house. Start looking for a job, call someone, read a motivational book. Reignite the flame that he has blown out. You can do it.

  10. Ask God to put a barrier between you and the Abuser/Narcissist/Enemy. Every time I saw the Abuser I pictured mirrors all around me. That way anything he said bounced right back to him.

  11. If you are married, ask God for wisdom. God did not create you to be abused. Spiritual abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse are NOT what marriage is. I had to separate with my ex. And he still did not want to change. With his repeated unfaithfulness we eventually divorced. It was messy, yes, but today I live in peace.

  12. Yes, pray for him. Whether he changes or not, it will free you. Forgiveness does not mean what he did was right, but it frees you from the baggage and allows God to deal with him. There is such freedom in letting go of trying to change him. Let go of the strings my friends, God will take it from here.

I found a wonderful image of what this looks like from The Narcissists Wife.

 

Source - http://www.narcissistswife.com/19-signs-married-to-a-narcissist/
Source – http://www.narcissistswife.com/19-signs-married-to-a-narcissist/

 

(Other images from Pinterest)

Snow White Darkness – NaPoWriMo Day 4

This is a poem that I turned into a song that describes what it is like to live in Domestic Violence. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men live like this everyday. And also a video that some of my friends did with CSpan about helping those living in abuse. Help us Lord to break the yoke of oppression in their lives and shine Your Light into their darkness, in Jesus Name.

His Castle

SNOW WHITE DARKNESS

© 2013 Diana Rasmussen

She looks in the mirror, seems vaguely familiar
like steam on the glass, shame covers her past
the fog slithers down, as evil surrounds
His worst fantasy, her reality
he pulls the strings, does unspeakable things
a sadistic entrance, for his acceptance

smothered by control, a tormented soul
trapped in his castle
her tears rolling mist, proof she exists
in snow white darkness

clouds of confusion, rolled into illusion
He veils perversion, forcing her coercion
her body he takes, while she flies away
unbelievable, she’s invisible
love is the shadow, that darkens her window
she’s crying for help, to escape her hell

smothered by control, a tormented soul
trapped in his castle
her tears rolling mist, proof she exists
in snow white darkness

she hides in the fog, drinks hair of the dog
hates her behavior, craves one to save her

smothered by control, a tormented soul
trapped in his castle
her tears rolling mist, proof she exists
in snow white darkness

 

“Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?

 Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ (Isaiah 58:6-9 NKJV)

 

 

This is also the title of my book – SNOW WHITE DARKNESS – Smothered by Control.  It contains my journal entries from when I was living in abuse. Thank you Lord for deliverance for me and my children!

Snow White Darkness Cover

 

And here is the Album – available from GooglePlay. Thank you in advance for your love and support!

Snow White Darkness Cover

“And now for today’s prompt (optional, as always). Love poems are a staple of the poetry scene. It’s pretty hard to be a poet and not write a few – or a dozen – or maybe six books’ worth. But because so many love poems have been written, there are lots of clichés. Fill your poems with robins and hearts and flowers, and you’ll sound more like a greeting card than a bard. So today, I challenge you to write a “loveless” love poem. Don’t use the word love! And avoid the flowers and rainbows. And if you’re not in the mood for love? Well, the flip-side of the love poem – the break-up poem – is another staple of the poet’s repertoire. If that’s more your speed at present, try writing one of those, but again, avoid thunder, rain, and lines beginning with a plaintive “why”? Try to write a poem that expresses the feeling of love or lovelorn-ness without the traditional trappings you associate with the subject matter.”

napofeature2

Ten Power Verses for Anxiety and Fear

Fear and anxiety are two things that we all have to deal with at some point. And I am amazed at the choices that we have to deal with them. Some people say fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. That may or may not be the case. But fear is also a warning sign that something is wrong. And to ignore it completely is not a healthy response, in my opinion. Imagine someone tried to hold you at gunpoint and you had no fear. Your choice might be to charge at the person, try and overtake them and you may hurt yourself and others in the process. Sometimes fear exists just to warn us that something is wrong. Ignoring or burying an emotion is not a good choice. I have learned this the hard way.

I used to bury my feelings all the time. Never talk about what I felt. It was too risky. When you live with a Narcissist Abuser any talk about your feelings or wants was met with arguments and screaming. Keeping my mouth shut was a learned response – but and unhealthy one. The thing about feelings is they just are. They may be based on true perceptions or faulty ones. But ignoring them and burying them does not help.

I have found that when I buried my fear it would come out in other ways. I would get a strange sickness or injury. Sometimes I would get bad headaches or muscle pains for no reason. It was like my fear was trying to talk in another way. I wonder if this is how people get sick.

I still remember the first time I went for help and the therapist showed me that face chart with all the feelings on it. She asked me how I felt that day. I had absolutely no idea – really. After ignoring my feelings for so long I really didn’t know. And the Abuser was not there to ask. Funny, how in an abusive relationship we even give up how we feel over to the power of the the Abuser. Sad. I see it now, but I didn’t see it then.

So, on my journey I started writing. It helped me figure out how I felt about anything. And gave me hope. And help me figure out that I did have choices. I didn’t have to ignore fear. I could talk about it. And then it lost it’s power. And my anxiety and fears were not monsters anymore – they were just feelings.

Here are some verses that helped me acknowledge my feelings and deal with them in a healthy way.

 

Phil 3_13

10 Power Scriptures for Anxiety and Fear

  1. Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. (Philippians 4:6 AMP)
  2. Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (1Peter 5:7 AMP)
  3. Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice. (Isaiah 41:10 AMP)
  4. And now, my daughter, fear not. I will do for you all you require, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of strength (worth, bravery, capability). (Ruth 3:11)
  5. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. (2Timothy 1:7 AMP)
  6. Now may the Lord of peace Himself grant you His peace (the peace of His kingdom) at all times and in all ways [under all circumstances and conditions, whatever comes]. The Lord [be] with you all. (2Thessalonians 3:16 AMP)
  7. For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP)
  8. Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and [p]refresh your souls.]Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good—not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne. (Matthew 11: 28-30 AMP)
  9. And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always]. (Colossians 3:15 AMP)
  10. Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.] (John 14:27 AMP)

 

His Castle – CSPAN VIDEO

HIS CASTLE was a project that was made by a group of friends in Florida making a CSPAN Student Cam Video on Domestic Violence in order to help spread awareness to the community. This was created by Ivy Leung, Diana Proenza, and Nicole Romeu, students from Terra Environmental Research Institute.

“With the perspectives of advocacy, health care and legal professionals, we stress the crimes of domestic violence and consider the effectiveness of the Violence Against Women Act passed by the legislative branch on the victims of our community.”

 

(Click on the picture to watch the Video on Viddler)

 

His Castle

 

They contacted me and asked to share one of the quotes from my book SNOW WHITE DARKNESS for their narrative video. Thank you Ivy, Diana, and Nicole – for an amazing video of the plight of the Domestic Violence Victim and the effect of the Violence Against Women Act. Great job spreading awareness!

 

To Purchase your copy of SNOW WHITE DARKENSS, my book and personal journey out of Domestic Violence click below:

Snow White Darkness

 

 “Smothered by control
a tormented soul
trapped in his castle
Her tears rolling mist
proof she exists
in Snow White Darkness”

~ Diana Rasmussen, Snow White Darkness

Jezebels Are Androgynous Narcissists

Jezebels are Androgynous Narcissits – being both male or female – hermaphroditic.  This same spirit could live in a man just as much as it could live in a woman. It is not about being male or female.   So ignore the “he” or “she”  gender in the images below.

The Psychological Community calls them Narcissists.  

The Church Community calls them a Jezebel.

But I believe they are one and the same.  

Call them what you will.

It’s all about power and control.

 

According to Psychology Today here is the definition of a Narcissist:

 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic. Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.

 

 

And here is a Definition of the Jezebel Spirit from an Article by Discerning the Truth:

 

  • They gain power by diminishing others. It is causes them a rush “win” over someone. They manage to get in positions of authority, and are difficult to displace, once there.
  • They are controlling, manipulative, bossy.
  • They can either be war-like in their personalities, so that they are intimidating, or so sweet, timid, charming and charismatic, they are able to fool and recruit others to join them.
  • The spirit is critical of others, vicious to the point of blood thirsty as to reveal weaknesses.
  • They are never wrong in their own eyes; they are unable to apologize.
  • They recruit others to rally behind their charges against their victims. They act to persuade recruits, and do not give up this activity until the recruits are won over. If the potential recruits do not cooperate and accept their position they will grow angry.
  • They are by nature narcissistic. While they tend to be oversensitive, they have no concern for the feelings of others. They are not sympathetic about their victims, and tend to play the role of victim themselves, in order to gain sympathy. This way the real victim is left stranded, and opposed by others if they ask for help. Being the center of attention really pleases them.
  • They lie, and they believe their own lie. Avoiding the truth, or intentionally acting to withhold truth is part of a false picture presented to others.
  • Impulsive, disorganized, failure to plan ahead. Life is often chaotic and family in their care is in disarray.
  • The have a lack of remorse after hurting someone. They can justify the harm and remain smug about their victory.
  • They prove to be consistent irresponsibility, unpunctual, undependable. Will make rash promises, but cannot be trusted to fulfill.
  • They often express irritability, aggressiveness (open or subtle), and can be quick tempered.
  • This person is an “outlier” or non-conformist, they have their own ways.
  • Psychological counseling will not help, since they deny their condition.
  • They may claim religious sentiments, but are found very superficial in spiritual disciplines. Places emphasis on emotions over depth of condition.
  • These women tend to control their men with sex. And they pick passive men (Ahab’s) so they can dominate them.
  • They are usually married but often end up divorced. They may entertain affairs. If single, can be bisexual or promiscuous.

 

Jezebel Spirit

 

 

Kinda creepy huh? I found these images on Pinterest and I was struck with how it is the same. In my opinion – it’s all about power and control here.  Same as with Domestic Violence.  One person trying to use and abuse another.

Let us recognize the warning signs in all our relationships.

narcissist 3

 

We are not stupid.

We are not crazy.

That is just him/her trying to shift the blame and attention away from their bad behavior.

I had to ask myself, “Is this relationship healthy?”

I had to have someone I could trust to bounce my ideas off of. I saw a qualified Christian Counselor. It helped me make some life changing choices.  And today, I am grateful.

What about you? Do you need help?

Reach out today – you are not alone.

 

narcissist 5

 

 

 

I Told Myself This Would Never Happen Again

I told myself this would never happen again. After getting out of the last abusive relationship, I vowed to myself that I would never let someone treat me like that ever again.  And yet, not knowing how sick I was – the next relationship was more abusive than the last.  The stakes were higher, the abuse was deeper, and let’s just say there are a lot of sick folk out there.  I want to share this part of my story today.  I see other women going from man to man, from abuse to abuse, looking for the next Prince Charming.  And it hurts. It hurts to see it.  Because you know the price you paid to get out. And you don’t want to see another woman/girl hurt.

I wasn’t born stupid. Really. Intelligence has nothing to do with it.  I was deceived. I believed all the pretty little lies he said. I wanted a picture perfect marriage. I wanted the white picket fence.  Who doesn’t? I mean it’s not like you know the end from the beginning.  Hey if I knew then what I know now, my answer would have been, “NO way, not in a million years!”

After relationship upon relationship with Abusers I was forced to look in the mirror.  No I did not ask for it. No I did not want it, but lets face it – my ‘people’ radar was broken.  I was trusting people that were not safe. I was putting myself in a position to be hurt – again and again.  And I had to make a new choice. A choice to learn what a healthy relationship looked like, and admit that I wasn’t in one.  That hurt too.  What I thought I had was a lie.  The truth has a way of shining into the darkness and peeling away the lies I kept telling myself. Yeah, all the pretty little lies we tell ourselves – because we are afraid. And fearful. And have no friends, and no money by this point.

Lies I Told Myself While in an Abusive Relationship:

  • It will get better
  • He just had a bad day
  • He just needs a beer
  • I am really a screw-up
  • It’s all my fault
  • I wish I wasn’t so stupid
  • I should have…
  • You are lucky to have him, you could be alone
  • It’s not really that bad
  • Every husband hits his wife, right?
  • Nobody said it would be easy
  • Everybody fights like this
  • Maybe I could just jump off a bridge
  • You can’t get a divorce – God will hate you forever

 

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, get help today.  It really does not need to stay that way. As for me, I couldn’t do it alone.  I didn’t know how.  My first stop was the local YWCA and the Domestic Violence Center Advocate.  She listened as I shared my story. No judgement, no pointing fingers – she listened. And then I met a whole building full of other women who had been through the same thing.  Girl power. I was not alone. And me and the kids could be free. That was like a breath of fresh air right there!

 

 

 

learn the 8
Learn the 8 by BeautyCares

 

Featured Image Source: Tumblr

 

 

 

 

Evicted

EVICTED

Copyright 2014 Diana Rasmussen

You don’t get to rent

free space in my head

You’re evicted from my heart

you tore it to shreds

cutting me with words and lies

Stop trying to come back in

with haunting nightmares

Your fantasy is not mine

My reality is not yours

Hit the road Jack

I don’t want you here

no more, no more, no more

 

This poem is for all my followers still stuck in an abusive relationship.  Here are are few ideas on how to escape. You were not meant to be abused, ridiculed, laughed at, hit, hurt, punched, demeaned, criticized, or shamed. The Abuser is NOT from God. God is the Author of Love – not hate.

 

 

 

A Messy Divorce with the Abuser

I thought I was done when the divorce was over. I thought that would be my ending and I would never have to see the Abuser again. Yeah right. Not if you have children together.  The story isn’t over when the Judge says “I grant the Judgement of Divorce.”  Yeah, that’s what they call it – a Judgement. Very strange. And you have to bring a certified copy of the marriage certificate too.  And witnesses. And if you can afford it, a lawyer.

I started out Pro-se, doing my own thing, as the Abuser said he would not contest it. Guess what? After filing all that paperwork and running  copies around for 6 months, we got to the hearing and he said, “I changed my mind, I am going to contest it.” I think he just liked to see me sweat.  So he got a lawyer, and then I had to get a lawyer, and of course then the kids get a lawyer.  What a mess.  It took like 2 years for my ordeal.

I remember they send you to a counselor first.  That was a joke.  At this point I had my own place with the kids and I had a restraining order against him.  And a journal full of all of the times he did not follow the order.  Guess Abusers don’t like following the rules. Truthfully, the Counselor kicked him out of the office.  He started berating me and yelling at me in front of him.

Here is a great article about what happens on D-Day. That’s what I called it. The day that things blew up!

The Divorce Hearing 

 

Life Lessons Learned in  Divorce Court

1.  Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you can prove it.

Can I tell you my first husband went and slept with my best friend at the time. All so she would not testify against him at our divorce hearing. Who I thought was a friend turned out to be an enemy. She testified against me. She was not my friend.  She tried to friend me on Facebook and I said no. Betrayal is betrayal.

Abusers isolate you from your friends and family. There may only be one or two people in your life who really know what is going on. The Abuser is a Predator. When you turn against him, he will turn against you. Expect it. He will go for “blood”.

 

2.  Judges don’t like drama.

Just because the Abuser lives and thrives on dram doesn’t men the Judge is going to believe it.  Most times there are NO witnesses for the Domestic Abuse. It really is your word against his. And he will have a team of witnesses against you. Expect it.

 

3.  He will lie.

This was a hard one for me. I thought I would tell the truth and the Abuser would too. But he doesn’t know what truth is. He will lie. Expect it. Be ready for it. The story he will spin will be another yarn you haven’t heard. The lies are never ending. It is what he does.  It is who he is.

 

4.  There will be an excuse.

The Abuser always has an excuse for his behavior. He does not see himself as responsible. There will be some down out long story as to why he did what he did. And it is a lie as well.

 

5.  It will always be someone else’s fault.

Abusers are experts at shifting the blame. They never take responsibility – for anything. It is always your fault. They will always point the finger. It is wht they do to hide.

 

6.  He will Always Use the Kids as Pawns.

Your children are play pieces in his master game. The are pawns in his eyes. He does not love them anymore than he doesn’t love you. He does not know what love is. He is a Narcissist. It is all about him. He will continue to use the children as pieces of a game – to get back at you. He will spoil them. He will buy them thing, just to play SuperDad. It is a lie. He is using them just like he used you. Don’t believe it.

Source: http://www.citifmonline.com/2014/04/04/four-ways-to-cope-with-divorce-without-going-numb/
Source: http://www.citifmonline.com/2014/04/04/four-ways-to-cope-with-divorce-without-going-numb/

 

And here is a song I wrote about divorce – guess I had to get the negative feelings out. It is a rather ‘sarcastic’ song, lol!  Click on the Title if you want to hear it…

 

HAPPILY EVER AFTER


© 2013 Diana Rasmussen

V1
There’s an empty box of Kleenex, she cries out in fear.
She stands in disbelief, realizing he’s not there.
20 years of marriage, flushed down the drain.
He met up with someone else, as she stands numb with pain.

CHORUS
No more Prince Charming, Snow White will not wake up.
Cinderella’s slipper is smashed, it’s a quarter to twelve.
Little Red Riding Hood got eaten by the wolf,
3 Little Pigs are homeless now, Goldilocks met her end.
Happily Ever After is just a fairy tale, Happily Ever After is just a fairy tale.

V2
Her tears flow freely as she’s trying to let go.
All her castles washed away, not the ending she had planned. 
Its lawyers and judges, contempt and child support.
Truth is stranger than fiction in never-never land.

Domestic Violence and the Workplace

She may be sitting next to you, or in the cubicle down the hall. The quiet girl who came in late today. Tear stains ran down her creek, and she was wearing sun glasses.  Last time that happened it was because she had a black eye.  Do you approach her? What do you say? Do you just look away and mind your own business? With current statistics 1/4 women and 1/6 men are living in domestic violence. And they are trying to hold down a job to the best of their ability. It is a situation that we must approach. We can no longer afford to just ignore her. It is time for our Employers to offer assistance when someone is being stalked. It IS happening at work too!

I know for me, that was one of my ex’s favorite things to do – call me 20 times in an hour to harass me. Or suddenly stop in and make a big scene in front of my coworkers. It was so embarrassing.  I have even quit jobs just to get away from him.  My boss knew what was happening – yet did nothing.

As employers we have EAP programs (Employee Assistance Programs)  to help with drug addictions, alcohol addictions, counseling, health issues, aging parents, maternity leaves, medical leaves, etc. but my question is – where is everyone when a woman is getting stalked at work? Nobody wants to talk to her or help her escape. Nobody wants to help her form an escape plan and look for housing for her and her children.  For me, I just got reprimanded for being late, missing work, etc. Perhaps your experience was different.

Today I challenge all the companies and corporations out there. Stop ignoring the abused worker in your workplace. Let’s stop the silence. The stress they are living under is unbearable. It is affecting them and their work. They need this job, and they need some support. Help them escape instead.

Here are some alarming statistics from Employers Against Domestic Violence:

Domestic violence affects productivity and increases absenteeism:

24% of women between the ages of 18 and 65 have experienced domestic violence (EDK Associates, The Many Faces of Domestic Violence and its Impact on the Workplace, 1997).

74% of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while at work. This caused 56% of them to be late for work at least five times a month, 28% to leave early at least five days a month, and 54% to miss at least three full days of work a month.

The total health care costs of family violence are estimated in the hundreds of millions each year, much of which is paid for by the employer. 44% of executives surveyed say that that domestic violence increases their health care costs (Pennsylvania Blue Shield Institute, Social Problems and Rising Health Care Costs in Pennsylvania, pp. 3-5, 1992).

47% of senior executives polled said that domestic violence has a harmful effect on the company’s productivity (Roper Starch Worldwide Study for Liz Claiborne, Inc., 1994).

71% of EAP providers surveyed have dealt with an employee being stalked at work by a current of former partner, and 83% have assisted an employee with a restraining order.

78% of Human Resources professionals polled by Personnel Journal said that domestic violence is a workplace issue (April, 1995, page 65).

94% of Corporate Security Directors surveyed rank domestic violence as a high security problem at their company. National Safe Workplace Institute survey, as cited in “Talking Frankly About Domestic Violence,” Personnel Journal, April, 1995, page 64).

DV advocacy

 

(All images from Pinterest)

Here is Your Sign – No Narcissists Allowed!

Here is your sign – No Narcissists Allowed!

What is a narcissist you ask? I wish I would have asked – years ago! Wow, that would have saved a lot of heartache.  I was married to one – well ok, two -before I found out what was really going on. I thought I was crazy. I thought I was losing my mind – seriously.  After all, they said I was crazy. They said I didn’t know anything. They said I couldn’t remember the truth…you know right?

Ok, so 2 divorces later here I am to share with you the “wisdom” I gleaned on the way. I’m sure you have some too – feel free to leave me a comment!

Guess what – we are not crazy!

They are! Hahahahahaha!

 

Seriously – NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is a mental condition. And requires psychotherapy. All those years I spent in therapy thinking it was ALL my fault! Honestly, you have to laugh or cry!

According to the Mayo Clinic:

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

  • Believing that you’re better than others
  • Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
  • Exaggerating your achievements or talents
  • Expecting constant praise and admiration
  • Believing that you’re special and acting accordingly
  • Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings
  • Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
  • Taking advantage of others
  • Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
  • Being jealous of others
  • Believing that others are jealous of you
  • Trouble keeping healthy relationships
  • Setting unrealistic goals
  • Being easily hurt and rejected
  • Having a fragile self-esteem
  • Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

 

 

More Signs of a Narcissit

1. It’s all about them. You don’t exist – except to listen to them brag about how important they are. They have very over-inflated egos. They are arrogant and prideful. Yes, they really do believe their s#*t does not stink!

2. Your feelings really don’t matter to them. You could talk until you are blue in the face and they still would not understand. And most of the time they really don’t care anyway.

3. They refuse to take responsibility for anything – ever. Even if they are caught red-handed. It is always somebody else’s fault for everything bad that happens to them.

4. They lie – a lot. They really have no sense of what is true and what is false. And their lies get bigger and more grandiose every time they tell the same story.

5.  They really do believe that they are superior and better than you. That’s why they take every opportunity to point out all of your flaws. They will cut you down and humiliate you in public just to make themselves feel better. Abusers are usually narcissistic.

6.  They really are two-faced.  In the beginning they are charming, and flattering. They entice you into their web of lies. And most people who don’t know them fall for it too. But behind closed doors the ‘snake’ comes out.

7.  They are vindictive.  They never forget who hurt them and will not miss an opportunity to retaliate. It might even be years later, yet they still hang onto anger and absolutely refuse to forgive anyone for anything. If you make them look bad ever, you will get clobbered.

8. They are masters at turning the tables. They will take something they are doing, and accuse you of the same thing. For ex. My ex was lying, so he accused me of lying. They will be having an affair, and then turn around and accuse you of having an affair. When they do something it is ok, but if you do it – you are wrong and stupid, and get humiliated.

And now, some perfect narcissist songs!

“I WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME!”

“ITS ALL ABOUT YOU”

No Wonder I Felt Sick Living in Abuse

No wonder I felt sick while living in Abuse. The effects are way more than just what happens when the Abuser acts out their anger. It is physical. And it made me sick. It is more than just emotions. I read this today and it really helped me understand. I remember that last year I was living in abuse I had all sorts of things going on physically. I ended up with weird medical things like Shingles – twice. And a month later Viral Meningitis. I would not wish that one on anyone. And then the girl problems…Ugggh.

This article says women living in abuse have THREE TIMES MORE problems with reproductive issues. And 48% more chance of being diagnosed with Depression – yep. Been there, done that. The scariest part for me was:

Abused women are 70 percent more likely to have heart disease,

80 percent more likely to experience a stroke

and 60 percent more likely to develop asthma than women who have not experienced abuse;

No wonder I was so sick!  If you are having physical problems with your health – see someone today.  Take the first step.  Domestic violence eats away at your body and your soul.  Break the silence and get help today.

Health Survey of Domestic Violence Survivors Finds Major Unmet Health Needs (via PR Newswire)