Tag: court

Activism, Depression, Domestic Violence and Abuse, Poetry, Rejection

In His Glass

Here is a song/poem I wrote about my life lately. Yes, we went to court – again. And no – deadbeat dad is still not paying child support. I know I am not the only one here who deals with this. And yes, God is good and He has made up for all things. But I have to admit, it get’s frustrating. The ex went to jail for 5 days after getting picked up for not wearing a seat belt. There was a $24,000 bond on his head at the time as he decided to blow off the last two court appearances. Judges don’t like that.

So, after 5 days and only one payment this year the Judge asked me what I thought. Yes, the ex has been working – a union job with great pay and benefits. And yet he still chose not to pay his child support. My answer? Well, not what you would think that’s for sure. Must be a God thing. I asked the Judge to show him MERCY and give him the opportunity to work. Yep, I did.

The Judge said ok then and let my ex free without paying anything. He gave him a 90 day stay – which means he has 90 days to do the right thing. We even lowered the amount to make it easier. And here we are a month later – no child support. Seriously? Join me in praying for the ex will you? Not that I want to, but God tells me I have to. “Pray for your enemies.” And “Vengeance is mine says the Lord, I will repay” And then there is the one about “show mercy as I have shown you mercy.” And I really think my kids would fall apart if their dad went back to jail for the 3rd time. Ugggh…

So here I sit. And here I write. And pour out my troubles before my God. Thank you all for your love, your support, and your prayers. You hold me up when I can’t stand it anymore. You see every single mom out there trying to make it without help is a WIDOW. Yes, they got left, despite all their good intentions, their promises, and their attempts to make things work. And every child of divorce is ORPHANED. They did not ask for it either. And it is not their fault.   You don’t have to move them in but could you help them out a bit? Why do we kick the people who are down and judge the wounded?

Justice, what happened to Justice? Seriously, this whole child support system is broken. I think we should write some new laws for all the moms and kids out there who get left holding the bag – and all the bills. Deadbeat dads should not get to sit in jail with no bills, all their meals made for them and play cards all day. This is not working. How about some new laws for offenders? Let’s put the deadbeat dads to work on a farm or something, pay the moms so the kids can eat and keep the lights on, and let them work off their debt. Teach them how to work. Fix it, instead of giving them a place to run and hide from their responsibilities. Yes, people can change. But what is the incentive to do the right thing when you can get a free ‘jail-cation’?

My challenge to all of us this week – help a single mom. Money, gas, groceries, whatever. Just help someone with something. Pay it forward.

But then God surprises me. He sends someone. To stand alongside you when you are down. Not to kick you, but to help you up. I am grateful for the Samaritans that God has placed in my life and my husband’s life. Thanks Jeff – you show me what God’s love looks like. We all need help. Will you reach down and help another man/woman/child up this week?

In His Glass

Copyright 2014 Diana Rasmussen

Mommy needed a break
she had to get away
they left their house
her perfect family up in flames
Like a broken mirror
it’s shattered glass

Every girl wants her daddy to be the hero
Every boy believes he’s Superman
As God collects their tears as prayers
He fills His glass

Lawbreaker, rebel
Daddy’s refusing to change
Refusing to pay
cops took him away
They see him Saturdays
touch him through the glass

Every girl wants her daddy to be the hero
Every boy believes he’s Superman
As God collects their tears as prayers
He fills His glass

Daddy kept drowning his sorrows
Drinking his tomorrows
“Cheers!” he raises his glass,
Says, “just one more round”
will he ever turn around?

Every girl wants her daddy to be the hero
Every boy believes he’s Superman
As God collects their tears as prayers
He fills His glass

(all images from Pinterest)

Depression, Domestic Violence and Abuse, Music

A Messy Divorce with the Abuser

I thought I was done when the divorce was over. I thought that would be my ending and I would never have to see the Abuser again. Yeah right. Not if you have children together.  The story isn’t over when the Judge says “I grant the Judgement of Divorce.”  Yeah, that’s what they call it – a Judgement. Very strange. And you have to bring a certified copy of the marriage certificate too.  And witnesses. And if you can afford it, a lawyer.

I started out Pro-se, doing my own thing, as the Abuser said he would not contest it. Guess what? After filing all that paperwork and running  copies around for 6 months, we got to the hearing and he said, “I changed my mind, I am going to contest it.” I think he just liked to see me sweat.  So he got a lawyer, and then I had to get a lawyer, and of course then the kids get a lawyer.  What a mess.  It took like 2 years for my ordeal.

I remember they send you to a counselor first.  That was a joke.  At this point I had my own place with the kids and I had a restraining order against him.  And a journal full of all of the times he did not follow the order.  Guess Abusers don’t like following the rules. Truthfully, the Counselor kicked him out of the office.  He started berating me and yelling at me in front of him.

Here is a great article about what happens on D-Day. That’s what I called it. The day that things blew up!

The Divorce Hearing 

 

Life Lessons Learned in  Divorce Court

1.  Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you can prove it.

Can I tell you my first husband went and slept with my best friend at the time. All so she would not testify against him at our divorce hearing. Who I thought was a friend turned out to be an enemy. She testified against me. She was not my friend.  She tried to friend me on Facebook and I said no. Betrayal is betrayal.

Abusers isolate you from your friends and family. There may only be one or two people in your life who really know what is going on. The Abuser is a Predator. When you turn against him, he will turn against you. Expect it. He will go for “blood”.

 

2.  Judges don’t like drama.

Just because the Abuser lives and thrives on dram doesn’t men the Judge is going to believe it.  Most times there are NO witnesses for the Domestic Abuse. It really is your word against his. And he will have a team of witnesses against you. Expect it.

 

3.  He will lie.

This was a hard one for me. I thought I would tell the truth and the Abuser would too. But he doesn’t know what truth is. He will lie. Expect it. Be ready for it. The story he will spin will be another yarn you haven’t heard. The lies are never ending. It is what he does.  It is who he is.

 

4.  There will be an excuse.

The Abuser always has an excuse for his behavior. He does not see himself as responsible. There will be some down out long story as to why he did what he did. And it is a lie as well.

 

5.  It will always be someone else’s fault.

Abusers are experts at shifting the blame. They never take responsibility – for anything. It is always your fault. They will always point the finger. It is wht they do to hide.

 

6.  He will Always Use the Kids as Pawns.

Your children are play pieces in his master game. The are pawns in his eyes. He does not love them anymore than he doesn’t love you. He does not know what love is. He is a Narcissist. It is all about him. He will continue to use the children as pieces of a game – to get back at you. He will spoil them. He will buy them thing, just to play SuperDad. It is a lie. He is using them just like he used you. Don’t believe it.

Source: http://www.citifmonline.com/2014/04/04/four-ways-to-cope-with-divorce-without-going-numb/

 

And here is a song I wrote about divorce – guess I had to get the negative feelings out. It is a rather ‘sarcastic’ song, lol!  Click on the Title if you want to hear it…

 

HAPPILY EVER AFTER


© 2013 Diana Rasmussen

V1
There’s an empty box of Kleenex, she cries out in fear.
She stands in disbelief, realizing he’s not there.
20 years of marriage, flushed down the drain.
He met up with someone else, as she stands numb with pain.

CHORUS
No more Prince Charming, Snow White will not wake up.
Cinderella’s slipper is smashed, it’s a quarter to twelve.
Little Red Riding Hood got eaten by the wolf,
3 Little Pigs are homeless now, Goldilocks met her end.
Happily Ever After is just a fairy tale, Happily Ever After is just a fairy tale.

V2
Her tears flow freely as she’s trying to let go.
All her castles washed away, not the ending she had planned. 
Its lawyers and judges, contempt and child support.
Truth is stranger than fiction in never-never land.

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Domestic Violence and Abuse, Spirituality, Uncategorized

My everyday life – plus court!

Miss Diana needs to vent today, please forgive me in advance, I just have to be honest with myself today about how I feel…

Is there anyone who has been to court for your ex not paying child support?  Yesterday, I had the pleasure (yeah right) of going to court AGAIN.  I have been divorced for over 8 years now.  I have two kids still at home with me, and I was awarded full placement and custody after my ex’s pattern/arrests for Domestic Violence.  My ex was court ordered to pay child support.  Well, it  has been like pulling teeth.  I can’t tell you how many times I have been to court. I have to say I am very disillusioned with the whole process.

I thought it would only take one court appearance, my ex would get in trouble, and then he would do the right thing and pay child support. Yeah right, I must have had those rose-colored glasses on!  I  can’t believe a father could not want to provide for his kids.  Seriously, they are both teenagers now.  His pattern is to work 3 months and then quit. When we were married I moved 15 times in the 8 years.  Yeah, real stable relationship there Diana.

SO, back to yesterday, yes, he was charged with contempt again (this is the 4th time I think) and ordered to pay his support every week for the next year.  He has been in jail three times for contempt.  Funny, after he  gets arrested he magically comes up with bail money to get out.  So I’m thinking, wow, that was the same order I got 8 years ago, and he still hasn’t done it.  Where is the justice in that? I know I’m venting  here.  These are some of the things that I battle with in my everyday life.  Yet I go to court every time; I’m court ordered to be there, yippee!  Same nightmare, different day.Help me Lord.  And Lord, help my ex do the next right thing, I don’t want to go to court again.  This is stupid. And a waste of time.

The other side of the story:

On a more positive note I do want to testify about the goodness of God.   The Lord has provided for me and the kids these past 8 years, and our lives are much better without all the chaos and fighting.  God is faithful.He has protected us and fed us manna from heaven and given us water from the rock. Despite all the drama, I am much closer to the Lord than before.  Thank you for Your promises: I have to hold onto something positive when the s&^t hits the fan…and it is flying these days…

GOD’S PROMISE TO YOU AND TO ME:

Place Your Life Before God

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.  (Romans 12:2 MSG)

MY PRAYER FOR YOU AND ME TODAY

Ok Lord, you get my life.  The angry part, the hurt part, the frustrated part, the self-destructive part, the bitter part, the hurt part, the fearful part, the anxious part…why you want it I don’t know, but today it’s Yours, in Jesus’ Name.