Category Archives: Bullying

Stop Shaming Me – It’s Not Helping

Yes, we are all well meaning Christians. But sometimes, in an effort to ‘help’ we make things worse for our brothers and sisters who are struggling. Let’s face it, we all have stuff. Every single one of us, even the Pastors, even the Worship Team.

This past week I have been going off some medication in an effort to get rid of a constant ringing in my ears. So I know I am more sensitive in all areas. The medicine was to help with anxiety and depression. So yeah, kinda a mess at the moment.  So, here is my rant…

I will speak for myself here as to not share any names.

I get frustrated when others use me (or others) as an example in public. It might be a ‘friend” who just can’t stop the gossiping after I share something in confidence with them. They thought others should know so they could pray for them. Yeah right – they just wanted to gossip. It might be a Pastor who shares a person struggle from the Pulpit  without asking them for permission and now everyone knows.  It might be the random post from FB or Twitter or whatever to bring attention to a another person’s struggles, because they think they are trying to help. Can I tell you  – stuff like this is NOT helping!

I  have shared private information with people in the past, and they chose to make it public by naming me as “that girl with depression.” Yeah, thanks. Like I really wanted an announcement so now everyone can look at me and give me that label. Thanks. You just heaped a pile of more shame on something I am trying to get deliverance from.

I have had Pastors label me as the ‘divorced girl’ when they are teaching classes on how to have a good marriage. Thanks. Failed again I guess. Yeah, I’m the one coming to church, he is the one who cheated, and now I am the ‘divorced girl.’ Great.  Do you think I asked for this? Do you really think I wanted that label? Thanks again for naming me from the Pulpit so now everyone can call me that. I got up and walked out of that class, and out of that church.

I battle with smoking. I have quit 3 times in my life. I have tried Chantix – made me even more crazy. Tried the patch, tried the gum, tried the lozenges. Do you really think I want to keep doing this? When you see me smoking and make a public post about it – do you think that helps me? Your judgement just made me feel even more unworthy to be here.  Now I am even more shamed. Thanks alot. Like I really need more on my plate. Sorry I don’t live up to your expectations of what a ‘perfect Christitan’ looks like. I never said I was perfect. I come to Church to get free of alot of things. I am here to get better. I don’t need your judgement. Stop shaming me – it’s not helping.

judge

Maybe instead of making me (or others) your scapegoat you could stop making my life your podium to condemn me. In the Old Testament they used to take the scapegoats out of the camp and kill them. Guess what – you just tried, and I’m still here.

Yes, I’m riled up today. I get upset when people try to be my (or others) Holy Spirit. It’s not their job. I am seeking God. I am praying, I am reading my Bible, I have fasted. Seriously, if you are that concerned about me, maybe praying for me would help more than your condemnation of me.

Enough already. Life is hard enough without getting beat up at a place where I come to get healed. Lord, help us all.

knife

Why Jezebels and Narcissits Spoil Every Holiday and How to Keep Your Peace

You may know one – or have known one. The Killjoy, the Jezebel or the Naracissit who consistantly ruins every holiday. It may be a birthday, a Thanksgiving, or even Christmas.  Every year they make a scene – to be seen. It’s almost like they are on steroids. All those criticizing, belittling, and blaming behaviors come out in stereo. Loud and proud as they cut down everyone and everything in their way. But why? Why do they insist on the drama every Holiday? And more importantly, what can you do to keep your peace?

holiday narcissist 2.jpg

 

Why Jezebels and Narcissists Spoil Every Holiday and How to Keep Your Peace

  • Jezebels and Narcissits have a self control problem. They have none. So they create drama all around them so they feel important. It’s all about them. They want to be the star of the show. So if they cut you down, they think they shine.
    •  It’s a pretty dull sparkle if you ask me. Don’t react. Let them be stupid all by themselves.
  • Holidays bring crowds and they love to be the star of the show. Once again, you don’t matter to them. They have no real heart. It is cold and closed. More people mean a bigger audience for them to play their leading role.
    • They are a legend in their own minds.  Too bad it’s the size of a pea, lol! They think they are God and everyone should bow down and worship them. Don’t do it. Don’t put them on a pedestel, or cater to their whims. There is no throne for that type of behavior. It’s abusive.
  • Jezebels and Narcissists are insecure –  only they don’t want anyone to know about it. They often overreact to the dumbest things. They will blow a gasket at the drop of a hat, over anything. They are maniupulaters and blamers. In their mind anything that goes wrong is never their fault. They think they walk on water.
    • They will blame whoever is in their way. This way they feed their own ego. You can almost see their head blow up with their own hot air. When the blaming starts, take a deep breath and don’t belive them. Whatever comes out of their mouth is not true. They lie to cover things up all the time. Half of the time they do not even remember all the lies they tell.
  • Jezebesl and Narcissists  love to stir up drama. Have you ever noticed how they will poke and prod and gossip just to get someone upset? It makes them feel in control. They love to get other people angry.  I really think anger is fuel to them. They thrive on it.
    • Don’t play. Don’t react. Let their words fall to the ground.  Just because they said something doesn’t mean it is true. Sometimes this makes them even angrier, be prepared. It’s healthy to walk away, take a break, leave the room. You don’t have to watch them crash and burn.

Keep you peace this Holiday. If they want to be a jerk, let them. We have no contorl over other people’s bad behavior. It is not our fault they are jerks, that is their choice. What we can control is our reaction to it.

“Don’t feed the Jezebel or the Narcissist – they will only get uglier.”

Remember to put on your full armor and stand strong. Let it go, God will deal with them just like He did with Jezebel. Keep your peace. Don’t play. Pray, ask God to intercede. He will, and watch the Jezebels fall!

narcissist

 

Teens and Suicide

It’s the Holiday season. And not everyone is happy about it. Our teens struggle with this ever changing world and the pressures of life.  And the internet is not always helpful when you add in teen hormones.  Time and time again our children get bullied online. As a parent it is hard to keep up sometimes. They know of more apps than we even thought of. They can Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, and all those that ‘disappear’ after the message is sent.  So much online activity  without us even knowing. And let’s face it, some kids are ruthless with their words.

Recently in our small town of 5000 we have had 2 students die. They have had grief counselors at the High School to talk about suicide. It breaks my heart that this happens. To be 19 years old and just give up hope and check out. Help us see Lord those kids that need help. Open our eyes and let us bring light into the darkness. we need to start talking about it. Too many kids are dying. Join me in praying for our teens today, wherever they are.

suicide risk factors

Here are some astounding facts about teens and suicide. According to the Jason Foundation: 

  • Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24. (2013 CDC WISQARS)
  • Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for college-age youth and ages 12-18. (2013 CDC WISQARS)
  • More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED
  • Each day in our nation there are an average of over 5,400 attempts by young people grades 7-12.
  • Four out of Five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs

Here are the Warning Signs from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

  • Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves.
  • Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online or buying a gun
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Talking about being a burden to others.
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
  • Sleeping too little or too much.
  • Withdrawing or isolating themselves.
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
  • Displaying extreme mood swings.

 

If you or someone you know exhibits any of these signs, seek help as soon as possible by calling the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

 

Know Your Circle

There are lots of so called leaders out there. Lots of people who are looking for followers. But not all of them are worth following. Some are wolves in sheeps clothing. They appear harmless and want to be your friend. But will slice you to pieces the minute you turn your back. Don’t be deceived. Don’t follow a double minded person – they are unstable in all their ways. And they do not have your best interest in mind.

communication

Have you ever run into a passive-aggressive person? Yeah, me too. One minute they want to be your friend, and the next minute they are stabbing you in the back. Or they just wait to pounce on you to make you look bad in front of others. Secretly they really want you to fail. Especially if you are a Believer in Christ. Be wary. Not everyone you meet is on your side.  According to Wikipedia:

Passiveaggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

circle

Only through receiving the Spirit of God will we have a Teacher who will guide us and comfort us. The Holy Spirit will tell you ahead of time what is to come. The Spirit will tell you who is trustworthy and who is not. Ask the Spirit. And follow His lead. God will deal with the passive-aggressive. You are the aroma of Christ to them, the Light of the World – and not everyone wants to come out of the dark.

The LORD is a friend to those who fear him. He teaches them his covenant. My eyes are always on the LORD, for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies. -Psalm 25:14-15 NLT
 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. – Galatians 5:25

Predatory People and Toxic Relationships

My rant to a harassing person from my past that will not respect my NO:

Not everyone is our friend. There are those people who are alongside the Enemy and just wish to kill, steal, and destroy. There is good, and there is evil. Learning to discern the difference between the two has been a journey for me. Evil people don’t wear horns and carry pitchforks. Sometimes they dress and act just like you and pretend to be a friend. So you try to help. Invite them in. And wonder why you got bit from the wolf 6 months later! There are Predatory People out there.

 The Bible teaches us that you will know a tree by its fruit. And some trees are bad. No amount of tlc will change it. Learning that I am not the Savior was a hard lesson for me. I kept getting myself into toxic relationships with Drama Kings and Queens until I learned to say NO. 

No, You don’t get to pretend to be my friend and stab me in the back at the same time. 

No, I will not allow you to treat me disrespectfully time after time and pretend it never happened. 

No, don’t expect me to believe a word that you say when all I hear are lies. 

No, you are not my friend and I do not have to let you back into my life. 

For the dog that keeps knocking on my door and trying to bully their way back in – NO. 

   
I forgave you, God commands me to do that. That doesn’t mean you get to come over and have lunch like nothing happened. God also gives us wisdom. 

Forgiveness does not mean that I accept what you did to me and my family. IT WAS WRONG. And you treated many others in your life the same way. I can’t believe we all believed the same lies. Wouldn’t you at least change your story? Playing the same ‘ruse’ is so sad. 

Forgiveness means that I trust God to deal with you. I am not your Savior. He is. I will not ‘tie’ myself to you in friendship. You do not know what that word means. Nor do I think you even care. In my opinion you are a Narcissist. All about you, all the time. They have real counselors that may be able to help you with that. Not me. Not my job.

I tried to help, but you only used that as an opportunity to attack. I will protect myself and my family from Predators. And I respect myself  and my family enough to say NO. 

Stop harassing me. No more emails, no more friend requests to me or my children, no more stopping by to damage anything where I live. Go live your life and leave me and my family out of it. 

  
  

(Image credits- simple reminders.com, ilovemylsi.com, Pinterst)

Not fueling the fire

Are you a water carrier or a fire carrier? Great post on gossip and fault finding and what to do when someone is gossiping or putting you or someone else down.
  

Bizarrely Blessed

from JO’s sermon tonight:

we all have opportunities to make people look bad;  we hear rumors, things that we don’t know for sure are true, but it’s tempting to repeat them.  it’s not that we’re a bad person, we’re just telling what we heard. or maybe we know something about a person that is true, they made a mistake, they had a failure;  it’s easy to justify telling that because it’s the truth. but there are a lot of things that are true that we don’t need to tell;  we should do our best to never show people in an unflattering light

1 Peter 3:10 (MSG)

Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, Here’s what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful;

we live in a society that’s filled with rumors, gossip, innuendos.  there’s a lot of chatter these days, people talking on the internet…

View original post 2,899 more words

Sweetie, It’s Not You, Your Dad is a Narcissist

This blog is a letter to my children. I have been married to 2 Narcissists in my life. The Church calls them Jezebel Spirits. Here is my life lesson. In my opinion a Narcissist does not know what love is. It is always all about them. We are not people – we are possessions. And in his eyes, we are here to bow down and worship him.  (sorry to be so blunt, but it’s true.)

NARCISSIST

1. a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish.
2. Psychoanalysis. a person who suffers from narcissism, deriving erotic gratification from admiration of his or her own physical or mental
attributes.

To all the children with a Narcissistic Parent:

You are old enough where we can have this conversation. I am so tired of the way he breaks your heart time and time again. Your tears break my heart. Every empty promise that brings you pain gives me pain too.

Can I share something with you? It’s not you. It’s not about anything you did or didn’t do. Sweetie, your father is a Narcissist.

According to Mythology:

Source:Wikpedia
Source:Wikpedia

In Greek mythology, Narcissus (/nɑrˈsɪsəs/; Greek: Νάρκισσος, Narkissos) was a hunter from the territory of Thespiae in Boeotia who was renowned for his beauty. He was the son of a river god named Cephissus and a nymph named Liriope.

He was exceptionally proud, in that he disdained those who loved him. Nemesis noticed this behavior and attracted Narcissus to a pool, where he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus drowned. Narcissus is the origin of the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself.
/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/3f7/44684866/files/2014/12/img_0922.jpg

 

I am here to let you know that I love you. And I support you. I give you freedom to make your own choices and learn from your mistakes. I will be here to pick up the pieces when he degrades you and belittles you. I know what it feels like because he did it to me first.

 

I love you, and I will shelter you under the shadow of my wings just like God does for all of us. Put up the mirror around your heart and let his harsh words bounce off you as they are not true.  You are beautiful. You matter. You are smart. And I love you,

Mom

 

(Click on pictures to enlarge)

 

(All images from breakingupwithyournarcissist.com, Pinterest, brainwashingchildren.com, lattuera.com, Wikpedia, quotepixel.com, LaHuera.com)

Domestic Violence and the Workplace

She may be sitting next to you, or in the cubicle down the hall. The quiet girl who came in late today. Tear stains ran down her creek, and she was wearing sun glasses.  Last time that happened it was because she had a black eye.  Do you approach her? What do you say? Do you just look away and mind your own business? With current statistics 1/4 women and 1/6 men are living in domestic violence. And they are trying to hold down a job to the best of their ability. It is a situation that we must approach. We can no longer afford to just ignore her. It is time for our Employers to offer assistance when someone is being stalked. It IS happening at work too!

I know for me, that was one of my ex’s favorite things to do – call me 20 times in an hour to harass me. Or suddenly stop in and make a big scene in front of my coworkers. It was so embarrassing.  I have even quit jobs just to get away from him.  My boss knew what was happening – yet did nothing.

As employers we have EAP programs (Employee Assistance Programs)  to help with drug addictions, alcohol addictions, counseling, health issues, aging parents, maternity leaves, medical leaves, etc. but my question is – where is everyone when a woman is getting stalked at work? Nobody wants to talk to her or help her escape. Nobody wants to help her form an escape plan and look for housing for her and her children.  For me, I just got reprimanded for being late, missing work, etc. Perhaps your experience was different.

Today I challenge all the companies and corporations out there. Stop ignoring the abused worker in your workplace. Let’s stop the silence. The stress they are living under is unbearable. It is affecting them and their work. They need this job, and they need some support. Help them escape instead.

Here are some alarming statistics from Employers Against Domestic Violence:

Domestic violence affects productivity and increases absenteeism:

24% of women between the ages of 18 and 65 have experienced domestic violence (EDK Associates, The Many Faces of Domestic Violence and its Impact on the Workplace, 1997).

74% of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while at work. This caused 56% of them to be late for work at least five times a month, 28% to leave early at least five days a month, and 54% to miss at least three full days of work a month.

The total health care costs of family violence are estimated in the hundreds of millions each year, much of which is paid for by the employer. 44% of executives surveyed say that that domestic violence increases their health care costs (Pennsylvania Blue Shield Institute, Social Problems and Rising Health Care Costs in Pennsylvania, pp. 3-5, 1992).

47% of senior executives polled said that domestic violence has a harmful effect on the company’s productivity (Roper Starch Worldwide Study for Liz Claiborne, Inc., 1994).

71% of EAP providers surveyed have dealt with an employee being stalked at work by a current of former partner, and 83% have assisted an employee with a restraining order.

78% of Human Resources professionals polled by Personnel Journal said that domestic violence is a workplace issue (April, 1995, page 65).

94% of Corporate Security Directors surveyed rank domestic violence as a high security problem at their company. National Safe Workplace Institute survey, as cited in “Talking Frankly About Domestic Violence,” Personnel Journal, April, 1995, page 64).

DV advocacy

 

(All images from Pinterest)

When is it Stalking?

I know I am sensitive with this issue. I have been stalked. I have had people chase me with cars, on foot, on the phone, in person, and even show up outside my glass sliding door. I have had things outside destroyed. I have had nails in my driveway, cars vandalized, broken windows, etc. I have had people sneak into my apartment. I know the terror that comes with being stalked.

However, now I am finding stalking in a new arena – online. Has this happened to you? I find myself ‘hiding’ and not wanting to come online. All because someone wouldn’t be respectful. I have had ex’s stalk my Linkedin. I have had old High School people I know nothing about try to message and contact and put something on my FaceBook page everyday. And then when I deny a friend request – they ‘friend’ my brother just so they can post on my page. Did you know that ‘friends of friends’ can see everything on your FaceBook Page? I tried to change it and it went back. I am seriously thinking of deleting the whole thing.

I have had many, many people post negative things – all on my space. I get weary sometimes of monitoring all the online stuff.  Yes, I have reached many – but with a cost.  There are haters, there are trolls – those who hunt you down just to try to pull you under the bridge. And then there are some who will not take “NO” for an answer in this ‘instant’ age.  P.S. I am not your ‘fix’. I am not your ‘drug’. I am not your ‘instant messenger’.

If you text me and I don’t answer – I am busy.

If you call me next and I don’t answer – perhaps I do not want to talk.

If you e-mail me next –  I will not answer.

So why do you send another text?

And then post something on my FaceBook page?  Post on your own page.

And then when I still do not answer why do you message me on FaceBook?

And then when I do not answer you instantly you start calling other people to bad mouth me – really?

Seriously? I didn’t answer.  I am busy, or not available, or I DO NOT want to talk right now.  I get to choose who and when I want to talk to.  Please – respect  my privacy.  Respect my boundaries.  No means No.  I have choices too – it’s not always about YOU!

And the more you do it – the less I will answer.

In my opinion that is rude – and stalking. Knock it off!

Overview of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence. Abuse. Families are being torn apart. Children are caught in the middle. I remember one of the things that drove me nuts when I was living in domestic violence is how the Abuser used the children as pawns. It was like a big game. “Go tell your mother this. Go tell your mother that.” Then he would force them to sit down and listen to him “preach”. “Do you know what she did today? Isn’t she stupid?” Blah, blah, blah. A narcissist pretending he was God and ‘laying down the law’ of how things were going to be. Until tomorrow. Then the rules would change. And it would happen all over again.

Wow, I don’t miss those days. And I’m sure my kids don’t either. He is not God. He is an Abuser looking to manipulate. Power and control…it’s all about power and control.

If you need help, call the HOTLINE today. This is not normal. It’s domestic violence, it’s abuse and it’s illegal.

From: http://www.thehotline.org
From: http://www.thehotline.org

And here is more…

Overview of Domestic Violence, A Dangerous Trend Report Released by NoBullying Today (via PRWeb)

Overview of Domestic Violence, A Dangerous Trend Report Released by NoBullying Today – http://nobullying.com/overview-of-domestic-abuse/ Overview of Domestic Abuse Domestic Violence kills; it breaks families and ruins the mindset of children and teens…

Continue reading Overview of Domestic Violence

Teen suicide: Prevention is contagious, too.

Teen suicide: Prevention is contagious, too. (via The Christian Science Monitor)

Teen suicide – America’s high rates and growing prevention efforts – is the topic of this week’s cover story project. Here students at Chautauqua Lake Central High School in Mayville, N.Y., participate in a Sources of Strength suicide-prevention…

Continue reading Teen suicide: Prevention is contagious, too.

Facebook post leads to arrests in cyberbullying suicide case – FOX 13 News

Facebook post leads to arrests in cyberbullying suicide case – FOX 13 News.

This is so sad.  Imagine yourself as a teenage girl, trying to fit in. Then your best friend steals your boyfriend. And people you thought were your friends turn on you. Everyone starts trashing you online. You start checking your FB page every few seconds to see what people are saying about you. And then someone says you should “drink bleach and die”.  And person after person hits the “LIKE” Button…30 people “like” this idea. How would you feel?

This teenager killed herself over it.

 Really.

 Bullied online for over a year.

Her name was Rebecca Sedwick

         she was 12 Years old

Here is a video on what to do now:

Let us all make the effort to get involved in our children’s “online lives”.

Do you read your children’s Facebook page?

It’s not a choice anymore – “friend” me or no internet in my house.

Parents – let us stand up and be parents.

No more suicides. No more not knowing.

It’s not all roses anymore.

~just another mom, Diana~