Tag: God

Deliverance, God, Healing, health and wellness, Kingdom Authority, power of words, Religion and Spirituality, Spiritual warfare, Spirituality

Prayers for Deliverance this Season

As we leave 2019 and enter 2020 I pray prayers of Deliverance for all of us. There is baggage that we no longer need to carry anymore. Jesus delivered us from all the fear, grief, worry, anxiety, sickness and shame at Calvary. I for one am young to “Let it Go” this season!

I don’t have to carry fear around. I can use my faith and choose to trust God. He will surround me with Songs of Deliverance!

You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah – Psalm 32:7

God is my refuge and hiding place. I do not need to fear the future. God is with me. He is more than able to keep me safe.

I trust my God to protect my family as well. God is able to keep those we have committed to Him!

I can pray God’s Word and watch as He fulfills it. He promised that His Word would not return to Him void, but it would accomplish that which He set it out to do.

Jesus has come to bring life and life more abundantly. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I can cancel the plans of the Enemy by speaking the Word out loud over myself and my family.

I have been chosen and set apart by the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Christ in me is my hope of glory. I have received a deposit of my inheritance, the Holy Spirit.

My future is secure because it is not based on me, but on what Christ has already accomplished. Nothing can take me from His hand!

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand. I and My Father are one

– John 10:27-30

The same power that rose Jesus Christ from the dead lives in me. Jesus is the Author and Finisher of my faith. He who began a good work in me will complete it until the end!

I pray God’s Word will Deliver you from all things this Season. Let us walk as free men and women in 2020 because He who the Son sets free is free indeed!

(Photo credits listed above)

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faith, God, Healing, Hope, poem, poetrty

My Beloved

My Beloved (Based on the Song of Solomon) -2019 Copyright Diana Rasmussen-

I worship You in between every tear
I worship You in spite of my fear
I worship You in the midst of the pain
I worship You, I am called by Your Name

You are my Beloved, and my Beloved is mine

Your love is better than wine
Your name is like the meadow brook
Come to me, take me away with you
Your love is like a fragrant bouquet of wildflowers
A sachet of pure myrrh
Come to me, take me away with you
You woke me up to love

You are my Beloved, and my Beloved is mine

Let me see your face
Let me hear your voice
My lover is mine and I am His
We dance and we feast on His grace
Our victory dance is love and peace
You awoke me to a love that lives outside of time

I am my Beloveds, and my Beloved is
mine

The fire of Your love stops at nothing
Sweeping everything put before it
Floodwaters cant drown it
Torrential rains don’t put it out
Your love can’t be bought or sold
Run to me dear lover like a gazelle
Leap like a wild stag on our spice mountain

I am my Beloveds, and my Beloved is mine

Disablility, faith, God, Life, Spirituality

What to Do When Life Changes and You End Up Disabled

There will be times of pruning in our lives. Times after Harvest, where God will till the fields of our lives. He is a Good Father, and wants to help us produce more fruit, more wine.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.

By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.” – Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJV

faith 7

I guess this is the season where I get to use that Faith Muscle. Not sure I like it. Next month it will be a year since I have been out of work. It definitely is not what I had planned. I was happy working my way up the ladder of Corporate America when BAM, life took a left turn I didn’t expect.

So, here I sit a year later. Last week I was granted Social Security Disability after my first attempt. People told me it would never happen, that I would have to go through at least 3 appeals, hire a lawyer, etc. They were wrong. I did use a service to help me with the paperwork. (If you need help, email me and I’ll send you a link).

Today I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I never wanted to be labelled as Disabled.

Is God mad at me? No, not according to the book of Job. He lost a lot in one day. Did I do something to deserve this? Is it punishment? No, I don’t think God punishes us like that. Jesus took the wrath that we deserved at the Cross. “It is finished.” He said. Well then, I don’t need to carry that wrath.

But why? Isn’t it funny that we as humans always want to know why? Sometimes I remind myself of a toddler. Why Daddy why? As a Good Father, He has vision way beyond my meager view of the world. I guess in this season, I have learned to stop asking Why, and just trust and believe that My Daddy knows what He is doing. I may not know all the answers, but I think I’ll stop my whining at the checkout aisle and see what God has in store for me next!

 

The True Vine

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.  Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.  Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.  By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. – John 15:1-6 

faith 6

God, Hope, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality

Does it Really Matter Where You are Going?

Yes, we are in a new season. Welcome Autumn! The trees are turning, the air is getting crisp, and it’s pumpkin and apple season! Yeah! Do you like fall? I love the coolness of the air, and the chilly nights where you curl up in a blanket or two. I love fuzzy socks too!

But what about Spiritually? Are you in a changing season too? I know I am. The details don’t matter. The past doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t even matter where we end up going – as long as I am with My Jesus. He promised to go before us and lead us.

” And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

I know when God called Abraham out, He didn’t give him all the details either. But Abraham just trusted God and followed His lead.

 Now the Lord had said to Abram:

“Get out of your country,
From your family
And from your father’s house,
To a land that I will show you.
 I will make you a great nation;
I will bless you
And make your name great;
And you shall be a blessing.
 I will bless those who bless you,
And I will curse him who curses you;
And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.” So Abram departed as the Lord had spoken to him, and Lot went with him. – Genesis 12:1-4

That’s a great promise for all of us this new season. God will make us a blessing, He will bless those who bless us and He will curse those who curse us. What more could a girl ask for? You go God! I’m with You! Show us the way!

Besides, my plans didn’t work out so good anyway. I’m sure God has a better plan for each of us that is way bigger than we could have thought or imagined!

faith, God, Healing, Hope, Life, Spirituality

Sometimes You Have to be Your Own Advocate for Your Healthcare

I admit it. I am a naive patient. I have gone to the same Dr in the same clininc for years. When a problem arose I trusted the Dr to refer me to the specialist and assumed they were talking to each other for my best healthcare. I have learned this is not always the case. Sometimes, you have to be your own advocate for your Healthcare.

I have learned this last year that once a Dr sends you off to the specialist, they do not always follow through. They assume the specialist will do what they are supposed to do and they don’t have to deal with it. Then, when more specialists get involved, I thought they would all talk to each other. Not true.

This past year I have seen my Primary Dr, a Neurologist, an Orthopaedic Dr, a Neuropsychiatirst, a Physical Therapist, and an Occupational Therapist. Yeah, it’s been a year.

My eyes were opened when my Physical Therapist, whom I had been seeing for 3 months, twice a week, made it a point to write a special letter to the Neurologist #1 explaining my issues and the difficulties I was having. She shared how my progress was deteriorating and she needed direction on what exercieses I should do next and what Diagnosis the Neurologist would give me regarding these tremors/seizures.

When I went to the Neurologist #1, I asked him about the note from my Physical Therapist. He did not ever read it. I fired him. That is just wrong. So then I went to Neurologist #2. I asked my Physical Therapist to send him the same letter explaining my struggles. She did. Guess what? When I got to Neurologist #2 he had not ever read it either!

Ugggh. Really? So they send me here, there, and everywhere and they are so important that they will not even read what their supposed partners have found? It is so frustrating!

That is when I decided I have to own my treatment and my own healthcare. Yes, they are the Doctors, but many times they are only interested in their own findings and don’t look at me as a whole person.

After 4 MRI’s Neurologist #2 says that I don’t have any lesions on my brain or spinal cord, so there is nothing else he can do for me. He sends me to the Neuropsychiatrst. Pass the buck here. No, that is me, I am the patient.

I have been going to this Neuoropshychaitrist for 3 months now. The seizures are getting worse with FND ( Functional Neurological Disorder) and I am getting more frustrated.

My friend Laura suggested I get referred to another clinic that was associated with a large hospital in our area, UW-Madison. Thank you Laura! I sent a note to my Primary Doctor and she finally referred me to this other place, out of their network, and I will see Neurologist #3 here shortly.

I guess I share this with you because I learned that I can’t believe everything that a Doctor tells me. I have to OWN my health and my healthcare. I was told I would have this FND forever and there is no cure, just live with it. Ummmm – NO! I do not accept that.

Jesus died so I did not have to carry this illness, by HIS stripes I AM healed. And if one clinic is not going to help me get there, then I’ll go to the next one. God has given Doctors the gift of medicine just like Luke. Healing is from God, and sometimes He uses Doctors to administer it. I refuse to belive that there is no cure for this. I refuse to believe that I will be this way forever!

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved; for you are my praise.” – Jeremiah 17:14

What about you? Have you ever had to change Doctors or Clinics?

God with us

 

God, Healing, Hope, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality

Get Ready for Your Suddenly Moment

Just an ordinary day right? What if it wasn’t? What if today when you praise and worship God He shows up? Suddenly, everything would change! His presence brings peace, joy, and abundance. He can break every chain and resore every situation.

suddenly

Here are 3 examples from the Bible where Jesus shows up and changes everything suddenly.

  1. Suddenly God shows up and gives his people the Holy Ghost

“When the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven, as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled the whole house where they were sitting. Then there appeared to them [b]divided tongues, as of fire, and one sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.” – Acts 2:1-4 NKJV

2.  Suddenly God shows up and heals Sauls heart. He gives him a new name, Paul, and gives him a new commision.

“Now it happened, as I journeyed and came near Damascus at about noon, suddenly a great light from heaven shone around me. And I fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to me, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?’So I answered, ‘Who are You, Lord?’ And He said to me, ‘I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom you are persecuting.’” – Acts 22:6-8 NKJV

3. Suddenly God shows up and breaks his kiddos out of jail! He breaks every chain!

But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed. ” Acts 16:25-26 NKJV

Get ready for your SUDDENLY moment with God! He is the God of Suddenlies!

suddenly 2

 

Here is a prayer and praise to release your SUDDENLY moment!

delare

 

 

Anxiety, behavior, christian poetry, Depression, Hope, Life, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality

What Do You Do When Your Plan Gets Interrupted?

What do you do when your plan gets interrupted? It may be due to a job change, an illness, a change in circumstances, or whatever. How do you respond? I find myself in that exact situation now. An illness has interrupted my normal everyday life and I find myself at a crossroads.

Here are the three ways people can respond to change according to Success Magazine:

  1. Be Non Active – people resist change and blame and stay stuck
  2. Be Reactive – people jump into the next crisis without thinking things through
  3. Be ProActive and Positive – people put their focus on what they could do, focused on the positive outcomes and took action

I have to admit, I have been the Reactive Person most of my life. I have jumped from crisis to crisis trying to fix everyone and everything and it usually turns into a trainwreck. I never had a problem finding a job – I would take the first one that came along. I always was a bit impulsive.

This illness has forced me to slow down and re-evaluate my life and my job and my family. My kids are all grown and working or going to college now. My Mom duties have diminished and I struggle with the Empty Nest syndrome as well. I am not sure what to do next. I pray and ask God for direction, and then sit here and wait. I have been out of work since last November and on Disability. It is very strange for me. I have worked my whole life on and off with kids. I struggle with trying to keep busy while living within the limits of what I can do currently. I have to fight off the spirit of depression and anxiety in the middle of this mess.

I am back in Therapy to learn some new tools for my toolbox for keeping myself well. We are body, soul, and spirit. I haven’t really taken the best care of myself. It was so easy to put everyone else first when you are the Mom.

How about you? Have you ever had your life interrupted? How did you respond?

God’s Word for You:

Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 NKJV

isaiah_41_10_by_kc_lynne-d4iq28r

My Prayer for You:

Lord, I have absoluetly no idea why I am here. I was not ready for this interruption –  yet I choose to trust You in the proccess. Show me Your ways. Lead me in the path of understanding. I trust You Lord to lead me through this valley and on to the other side where my cup overflows and I sit in green pastures of peace, in Jesus Name.

Isaiah 55:8

 

 

 

 

 

faith, God, Hope, Quotes, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality

Hold On Quotes to Give God a Minute

One of my husband’s favorite sayings is, “Give God a Minute.” Yeah, I know. I am not the most patient person. I’ll admit it. In this world of drive through food and instant internet access I really have to practice my patience. Here are a few quotes to help us all hold on!

holdon

Hold On Quotes to Give God a Minute

  • “When God is ready for you to move, He will make your situation uncomfortable.” ― Germany Kent
  • “Feed your faith and starve your doubts.” – Kenneth E. Hagin Sr.
  • To learn strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings. – George Mueller
  • “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” – Corrie Ten Boom
  • “Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!” Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG
  • “There is no ongoing spiritual life without this process of letting go. At the precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul. It is easy to make a mistake here, “If God gave it to me,” we say, “its mine. I can do what I want with it.” No. The truth is that it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of – if we want to find our true selves, if we want real life, if our hearts are set on glory.” ― Elisabeth Elliot
  • Faith isn’t faith until it’s all you’re holding on to.” – Unknown
  • “Your true love for God is demonstrated through your ability to hold onto your faithfulness in the midst of Prosperity and Poverty, Happiness and Hardships, Sickness and Success; in whatever is Appealing or Appalling!” ― Israelmore Ayivor
  • “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words — And never stops at all.” -Emily Dickinson
  • “ So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.” Galatians 6-9-10 MSG
  • “Where God guides, He provides. No matter how things look, God is still in control. Stay in peace and be hopeful. Your blessing is coming soon.” ― Germany Kent
  • “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28 MSG

weary

 

Anxiety, behavior, God, Mental Illness, poem, Poetry

Crawl Into Crazy

Well, here I sit. 55 years old and back in therapy. My Neurologist asked if I had ever experienced any trauma or abuse. I just laughed. Only my whole life, lol. Then I said, “Yes.” He referred me to a Psychiatrist for evaluation. Here is a poem I wrote thinking about things.

source: photo.nofussdigital.co.uk

CRAWL INTO CRAZY

– Copyright 2019 Diana Rasmussen

I walk through the door and thought all was well

until the Dr came in with that look on his face

He sat down and said, “well it doesn’t look good.”

I froze and prayed God I’m gonna need some grace

My mind is racing all I think is, ” How can I just be free?”

I don’t want to hear what he says

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

I know this never-ending numbness

it’s when I shut down

I bow my head and pray

to God for a miracle instead

My tears fall to the floor

as I sit and rock like a baby

God show me your grace

before I crawl into crazy

The Dr told me there would be more tests

not sure know how long it will take to find out the cause

I’m googling every symptom I thought I could see

I want to know what is the matter with me

I’m fighting with fear of what it might be

I didn’t ask to be sick, I don’t want to be here

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

Crazy is the box that whispers her name

gets her to crawl in

only to slam down the lid

Please God help me now

don’t let me crawl into crazy

I prayed and asked God “why, why is this happening to me?”

He stretches out His arm, takes my hand and says, “Just walk with Me.”

He covers me with His mercy and grace as we walk through the door

God’ s gonna make sure I don’t crawl into crazy.

 

 

God, Life, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality

How to Tell Who is Real and Who is Fake

We live in a difficult world. In the Age of Information there are more and more people pretending to be someone else. All you need is a laptop and a half an hour and you can make yourself popular with today’s social media platforms. There are hundreds of apps out there where you can say whatever you want to say and be whoever you want to be. It’s frightening.There are hundreds of stories of people meeting from this app or that app and end up dead or abused or hurt. Acording to Naked Security by Sophos, with the finding of a survey released on Wednesday by Custard, a British digital marketing company.

  • In a survey of 2000 Brits, more than 75% admitted to lying about themselves on social profiles.
  • Only 18% said that their Twitter and Facebook profiles accurately represent them.
  • Some 31% said that their Facebook profiles are “pretty much my life but without the boring bits.” And 14% said that Facebook makes them look much more socially active than they are.
  • Men are more prone than women when it comes to dressing up the shop window. Nearly half – 43% – of men polled admitted to fabricating facts

The Bible teaches us to test the spirits. God already knew that we would run into liars, or people who like to stretch the truth. We run into fake people everywhere, even at Church. God wanted to warn us that not everyone who goes to Church is real. And the opposite is true, not everyone who doesn’t go to Church is fake. We are to test each person, ask God, and use wisdom.

My dear friends, don’t believe everything you hear. Carefully weigh and examine what people tell you. Not everyone who talks about God comes from God. There are a lot of lying preachers loose in the world.

Here’s how you test for the genuine Spirit of God. Everyone who confesses openly his faith in Jesus Christ—the Son of God, who came as an actual flesh-and-blood person—comes from God and belongs to God. And everyone who refuses to confess faith in Jesus has nothing in common with God. This is the spirit of antichrist that you heard was coming. Well, here it is, sooner than we thought! – 1 John 4:1-3MSG

realI have learned this the hard way. I am such a trusting, gullible person sometimes. I used to trust everyone with everything. Until I got burned. Maybe it happened to you too. If so, I am sorry. I learned to step back and watch and ask God for wisdom. Jesus said the Holy Spirit would teach us ALL things. I have discovered that I can just ask Him and He will let me know.The other cool thing I learned is that I am NOT the Holy Spirit. It is not my job to prove to the fake people they are fake. Have you ever heard the expression – just give them enough rope and they will hang themselves? My Mom taught me that one! It is true. Just because someone is a fool doesn’t mean I have to expose them or embarrass them. I can pray for God to touch that person and give them wisdom. That way God can deal with them and I don’t have to!real3I have also learned that when they teach Bank Tellers to spot fraudulant money, they don’t focus on the fake money – they teach them what REAL money looks like. If you know what REAL looks like, you don’t accept FAKE.Jesus says He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. I belive Him. Jesus also said He would give us a comforter, the Holy Spirit, who would TEACH us all things. Christ in us – the Hope of Glory. As a believer with the Holy Spirit, REAL knows REAL. The Holy Spirit in us will recognize the Holy Spirit in someone else.There are times I would be walking in a store and felt the presence of God on someone I passed by. Our eyes would meet and we knew we were both believers of Christ. Same thing happened to me at work. There was one aisle I loved to walk down because there were multiple people filled with the Holy Ghost and I could smell Jesus everytime I walked through. REAL knows REAL.The definition of a fool is:

  • a person who acts unwisely or imprudently; a silly person or
  • someone who tricks or deceives (someone); dupe.

real4God hates fools and liars, just like we do. He knows, He sees, and He will deal with it. I don’t have to listen to liars. I just tune them out.What about you? How do you deal with fake people?

God, Hope, Life, Motivation, Religion and Spirituality, Spirituality

Before the World was Made

Before the world was even made Daddy God had you on His mind. Yes, even before one sea or star or Earth even came to be, God wanted a family. He choose you, before everything.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

Ephesians 1:3-6 NKJV

We all like being choosen.  Remember those awful gym classes in High School? I was not very athletic so I was always one of the last ones to be chosen. It was embarrasing. I hated that class. It’s not like that with God. Before God formed the world He chose YOU to be part of His family!

That gives me strength and hope. I am not always chosen by family, friends, or work opportunities, but God chose me first – and you too! Remember in those times of rejection who we belong to. God wants us first!

chosen

You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.

 

chosen 2

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;  who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy. – 1 Peter 2:9 – 10

Anxiety, behavior, God, Healing, Life, Religion and Spirituality

Learning to Deal with Grief – What Are Your Stressors?

I recently have been visiting many Doctors to figure out what is going on with me. One of them asked, ” What are your stressors?” It took me a few days to figure this out. My family life is good. What else could stress me? Then it hit me, I hate loss.

Here is part of the letter I sent my Doctor:

I have a hard time with loss ever since 2012. In Jan of 2012 my Mother in law passed away from Cancer. In Feb of 2012 I broke my leg and lost my job. In Sept of 2012 my Mom passed away from Cancer. In the spring of 2013 we went through a foreclosure due to my lost income. This has affected how I perceive the world.

This past year my sister in law was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She has undergone Chemotherapy and will start Radiation in May. My heart breaks for her and what she is having to go through.

My best friends have lost 2 of their children in the last 15 months. My heart breaks for them too. How do you go on after that? Lord, help us all.

In my job, we have a 60% turnover rate. I am losing friends all the time – they leave or go to another department. It makes us afraid to open up and get too close to each other. Too many people leaving all the time.

When my Peripheral Neuropathy started I had just got promoted. I couldn’t feel my legs while I was doing the training. It was 8 hours on my feet. I was afraid I was going to lose my job. I provide insurance for my family. I was afraid I would lose our insurance, so I pushed through the pain. Not a good idea. It really made things worse. I had to turn down the Training Position I was offered due to the inability to stand. This was a teaching position that I really wanted, and I lost that too.

I guess I am afraid of losing my job and losing my health this year.

We all face loss. We all grieve. I can tell you I really don’t like this whole process. I am not really a touchy, feely kind of girl. I find freedom when I write.

They say there are 5 stages to grief. I think I am stuck somewhere:

  1. denial
  2. anger
  3. bargaining
  4. depression
  5. acceptance Proverbs3

I think it’s #4 – Depression. I think I am just stuck here.  I have been on short term disability since November of last year. I have no idea if I will be able to go back to work. I have so many Doctors and so many tests. They have said I have this, that, and the other thing. Blah, blah, blah – I am so sick of this. Doesn’t matter. God is greater.

I want my friend’s kids back, I want my sister’s health back. I want my body back. I want my health back. I want that Training job. It just isn’t fair. And I have absolutely NO CONTROL over any of this! That’s probably what I am wrestling with.

How do you deal with loss?

Job