I told myself this would never happen again. After getting out of the last abusive relationship, I vowed to myself that I would never let someone treat me like that ever again. And yet, not knowing how sick I was – the next relationship was more abusive than the last. The stakes were higher, the abuse was deeper, and let’s just say there are a lot of sick folk out there. I want to share this part of my story today. I see other women going from man to man, from abuse to abuse, looking for the next Prince Charming. And it hurts. It hurts to see it. Because you know the price you paid to get out. And you don’t want to see another woman/girl hurt.
I wasn’t born stupid. Really. Intelligence has nothing to do with it. I was deceived. I believed all the pretty little lies he said. I wanted a picture perfect marriage. I wanted the white picket fence. Who doesn’t? I mean it’s not like you know the end from the beginning. Hey if I knew then what I know now, my answer would have been, “NO way, not in a million years!”
After relationship upon relationship with Abusers I was forced to look in the mirror. No I did not ask for it. No I did not want it, but lets face it – my ‘people’ radar was broken. I was trusting people that were not safe. I was putting myself in a position to be hurt – again and again. And I had to make a new choice. A choice to learn what a healthy relationship looked like, and admit that I wasn’t in one. That hurt too. What I thought I had was a lie. The truth has a way of shining into the darkness and peeling away the lies I kept telling myself. Yeah, all the pretty little lies we tell ourselves – because we are afraid. And fearful. And have no friends, and no money by this point.
Lies I Told Myself While in an Abusive Relationship:
- It will get better
- He just had a bad day
- He just needs a beer
- I am really a screw-up
- It’s all my fault
- I wish I wasn’t so stupid
- I should have…
- You are lucky to have him, you could be alone
- It’s not really that bad
- Every husband hits his wife, right?
- Nobody said it would be easy
- Everybody fights like this
- Maybe I could just jump off a bridge
- You can’t get a divorce – God will hate you forever
If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, get help today. It really does not need to stay that way. As for me, I couldn’t do it alone. I didn’t know how. My first stop was the local YWCA and the Domestic Violence Center Advocate. She listened as I shared my story. No judgement, no pointing fingers – she listened. And then I met a whole building full of other women who had been through the same thing. Girl power. I was not alone. And me and the kids could be free. That was like a breath of fresh air right there!
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But… I Love Him! The battered woman: so why doesn’t she leave? How to Spot a Potential Abuser Getting Back to Where It All Begins – Why Advocacy is So Important More Lies from the Abuser