Tag: Self esteem

You May Think You are a Nobody, but God Made You a Somebody

You may be like me. Feeling like a grain of sand of the beach. Buried in all the other grains of sand on the beach – feeling like a Nobody. But can I tell you, that is not who you are. God made you a Somebody. You matter. You have a purpose and a plan in this life.

Enlarge your vision. Like a pebble that makes waves when it hits the water, you are making a difference in the lives of those you touch. You matter. You were born for such a time as this. Your story is not over, God is not finished with you yet.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey of becoming. Your were made to give light and love to all you meet. You carry in you the hope of glory. You are a special treasure and the apple of God’s eye. Rest in who He says you are – beloved, treasured, loved, and chosen.

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Five Challenges to Succeed

I found this note in one of my Bibles. I am not sure where or who it came from, but God bless you Pastor!

One of the ways God Delivered me was from my poisonous thoughts. He  has changed my mind and I expect to succeed today. I expect GOOD Expect wonderfulthings. My life was not  always this way. I was a bit of a self-sabotager. I admit it. I was so used to things going badly in my life that when something was good I didn’t know how to handle it. Many times I would “throw the first shoe” before it got thrown at me!

Its rather funny now, but not then. I remember once I got a sales job. I was super motivated, and worked like a Banchee and got all the sales awards. I was the best of the best. The boss wanted to give me a raise and promote me. Do you know what I did? I quit! Then I went to the next job, and did it again. I was my own worst enemy. I didn’t believe I deserved to succeed. And I didn’t know what to do with success once I got it.

Proverbs 16-3It is only through reading the Word of God that my thinking has changed. God says He wants me to succeed,that I will be the head and not the tail. He says He will be with me wherever I go, and that I am the most blessed of all the people on the Earth because I am His child. I am grateful that God has changed my thinking. And that I was open to change.

Open your heart to Him and His Word – and expect GOOD things!

 

5 CHALLENGES TO SUCCEED

 

1.  POSSIBILITIES

Life’s only limitations are the ones we make.

 

2.  RISK

Nothing noble is done without risk.

 

3. DO YOUR PART

It takes the effort of many to make impossible feats possible.

 

4. CHALLENGE

Push yourself to the limits and experience wonders you never imagined.

 

5. TEAMWORK

It is the work of the team which determines success.

 

 

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.” (Mark 10:27 NLT)

 

 

Sweetie, It’s Not You, Your Dad is a Narcissist

This blog is a letter to my children. I have been married to 2 Narcissists in my life. The Church calls them Jezebel Spirits. Here is my life lesson. In my opinion a Narcissist does not know what love is. It is always all about them. We are not people – we are possessions. And in his eyes, we are here to bow down and worship him.  (sorry to be so blunt, but it’s true.)

NARCISSIST

1. a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish.
2. Psychoanalysis. a person who suffers from narcissism, deriving erotic gratification from admiration of his or her own physical or mental
attributes.

To all the children with a Narcissistic Parent:

You are old enough where we can have this conversation. I am so tired of the way he breaks your heart time and time again. Your tears break my heart. Every empty promise that brings you pain gives me pain too.

Can I share something with you? It’s not you. It’s not about anything you did or didn’t do. Sweetie, your father is a Narcissist.

According to Mythology:

Source:Wikpedia
Source:Wikpedia

In Greek mythology, Narcissus (/nɑrˈsɪsəs/; Greek: Νάρκισσος, Narkissos) was a hunter from the territory of Thespiae in Boeotia who was renowned for his beauty. He was the son of a river god named Cephissus and a nymph named Liriope.

He was exceptionally proud, in that he disdained those who loved him. Nemesis noticed this behavior and attracted Narcissus to a pool, where he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus drowned. Narcissus is the origin of the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself.
2014/12/img_0922.jpg

 

I am here to let you know that I love you. And I support you. I give you freedom to make your own choices and learn from your mistakes. I will be here to pick up the pieces when he degrades you and belittles you. I know what it feels like because he did it to me first.

 

I love you, and I will shelter you under the shadow of my wings just like God does for all of us. Put up the mirror around your heart and let his harsh words bounce off you as they are not true.  You are beautiful. You matter. You are smart. And I love you,

Mom

 

(Click on pictures to enlarge)

 

(All images from breakingupwithyournarcissist.com, Pinterest, brainwashingchildren.com, lattuera.com, Wikpedia, quotepixel.com, LaHuera.com)

Jezebels Are Androgynous Narcissists

Jezebels are Androgynous Narcissits – being both male or female – hermaphroditic.  This same spirit could live in a man just as much as it could live in a woman. It is not about being male or female.   So ignore the “he” or “she”  gender in the images below.

The Psychological Community calls them Narcissists.  

The Church Community calls them a Jezebel.

But I believe they are one and the same.  

Call them what you will.

It’s all about power and control.

 

According to Psychology Today here is the definition of a Narcissist:

 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic. Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.

 

 

And here is a Definition of the Jezebel Spirit from an Article by Discerning the Truth:

 

  • They gain power by diminishing others. It is causes them a rush “win” over someone. They manage to get in positions of authority, and are difficult to displace, once there.
  • They are controlling, manipulative, bossy.
  • They can either be war-like in their personalities, so that they are intimidating, or so sweet, timid, charming and charismatic, they are able to fool and recruit others to join them.
  • The spirit is critical of others, vicious to the point of blood thirsty as to reveal weaknesses.
  • They are never wrong in their own eyes; they are unable to apologize.
  • They recruit others to rally behind their charges against their victims. They act to persuade recruits, and do not give up this activity until the recruits are won over. If the potential recruits do not cooperate and accept their position they will grow angry.
  • They are by nature narcissistic. While they tend to be oversensitive, they have no concern for the feelings of others. They are not sympathetic about their victims, and tend to play the role of victim themselves, in order to gain sympathy. This way the real victim is left stranded, and opposed by others if they ask for help. Being the center of attention really pleases them.
  • They lie, and they believe their own lie. Avoiding the truth, or intentionally acting to withhold truth is part of a false picture presented to others.
  • Impulsive, disorganized, failure to plan ahead. Life is often chaotic and family in their care is in disarray.
  • The have a lack of remorse after hurting someone. They can justify the harm and remain smug about their victory.
  • They prove to be consistent irresponsibility, unpunctual, undependable. Will make rash promises, but cannot be trusted to fulfill.
  • They often express irritability, aggressiveness (open or subtle), and can be quick tempered.
  • This person is an “outlier” or non-conformist, they have their own ways.
  • Psychological counseling will not help, since they deny their condition.
  • They may claim religious sentiments, but are found very superficial in spiritual disciplines. Places emphasis on emotions over depth of condition.
  • These women tend to control their men with sex. And they pick passive men (Ahab’s) so they can dominate them.
  • They are usually married but often end up divorced. They may entertain affairs. If single, can be bisexual or promiscuous.

 

Jezebel Spirit

 

 

Kinda creepy huh? I found these images on Pinterest and I was struck with how it is the same. In my opinion – it’s all about power and control here.  Same as with Domestic Violence.  One person trying to use and abuse another.

Let us recognize the warning signs in all our relationships.

narcissist 3

 

We are not stupid.

We are not crazy.

That is just him/her trying to shift the blame and attention away from their bad behavior.

I had to ask myself, “Is this relationship healthy?”

I had to have someone I could trust to bounce my ideas off of. I saw a qualified Christian Counselor. It helped me make some life changing choices.  And today, I am grateful.

What about you? Do you need help?

Reach out today – you are not alone.

 

narcissist 5

 

 

 

Real Beauty

You are more beautiful than you think! And your value is not based in this world. Yeah really. There are many, many clothing and makeup companies that don’t want you to know the secret. They make millions upon millions on products to feed our low self image. And then let’s add in the photoshopped images seen on our media and magazines. I have heard it said that if Barbie were a real person she couldn’t stand up – that’s how disproportionate her body shape is.

So what’s the “secret”?
YOU ALREADY ARE BEAUTIFUL!
God made you that way.
He already put it in you!
And we have value based on what He says, not the world.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day. (Psalm 139:13-16 MSG)

What is Self Sabotage?

They say misery loves company. Right? The more you talk negative about yourself, the worse you feel. Right? Came accross this list and wow, so true! Self sabotage is deadly. It hurts everyone who is trying to help you. It hurts yourself. You become so addicted to people treating you badly that if nobody does it, you do it to yourself. Self-sabotage. Get help today for this self destructive behavior. Learn how to receive good things and get help today.

When Misery is Company

Source: When Misery is Company, page 117

How many of these statements can you answer in the affirmative?

  1. I often self-sabotage relationships, school, work and other positive opportunities and events.
  2. I avoid feeling or experiencing life fully.
  3. I often get side-tracked or distracted from the most important things.
  4. It is not uncommon for me to find or inject the negative into positive situations.
  5. I often derail positive momentum in my life or circumstances.
  6. I fear feeling too good, too happy or being too successful.
  7. I often procrastinate or delay rather than take required action.
  8. I am often indecisive.
  9. I am rarely sure how I feel about people, places, or things.
  10. I have goals and ambitions but don’t do the work required to attain them.
  11. I feel like I don’t get any breaks.
  12. I often feel incompetent and unworthy.
  13. I have difficulty changing my behaviors even in the face of repeated negative consequences.
  14. I don’t avoid situations that I know will cause me problems.
  15. I too often act on assumptions rather than facts.
  16. I resist change of any type.
  17. I get tied up in the details rather than looking at the big picture (I can’t see the forest for the trees.)
  18. I refuse (or “forget”) to take medications that are helpful.
  19. I often isolate.
  20. I find it difficult to ask for help or accept help if offered.
  21. I tend to push away or reject the people who care the most for me.
  22. I sacrifice my own desires and well-being for those of others.
  23. I am attracted to unavailable people.
  24. I rarely feel like I fit in or belong.
  25. I desire closer relationship but avoid the intimacy that ‘closeness’ requires.
  26. I am easily addicted to substances or behaviors.

How to recover? The first step is recognizing you have a problem and you are listening to the wrong voices. That critical voice in your head is not of God. It is the enemy and he is trying to kill, steal, and destroy. God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of love, and power, and a sound mind.

Replace those old tapes with the Word of God. Jesus has come to give you life, and life more abundantly.

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Depression: 3 Steps Forward – 2 Steps Back

Depression. Fear. 3 steps forward…2 steps back. Sometimes the journey is long. Sometimes the way is dark. I walk sometimes amidst the shadows and feel like there is a cloud surrounding me sometimes. I know, depression. Ugggh. I don’t like this valley. I don’t want to be here. The negative thoughts bombard my mind. Where is the switch?

“You are not going to make it” image
“You will always be poor”
“This marriage will never last. He doesn’t love you.”
“Your kids don’t even want to be with you.”
“You are too fat and too ugly.”
“You can’t sing. You can’t play”

I know these thoughts are not from God. They are old battles that I have already won with God’s help. Yet they still come knocking trying to come in to my head. These are the times that I must take a stand, leave the door shut, and speak the Word of God over my thoughts, over my life. Just like Jesus did when He was in the wilderness with the Devil. The Word shuts up the Devil every time!

Yet I know who stands beside me and leads the way.

The Lord the Shepherd of His People

A Psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever. (Psalm 23:1-6 NKJV)

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
You will revive me;
You will stretch out Your hand
Against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands. (Psalm 138:7-8 NKJV)

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” ( John 14:1-4 NKJV)

2 Timothy 1:7

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Where did my normal go?

What do you do when your world turns upside down? When things change so quickly you can’t keep up with yourself? Where did my ‘normal’ go? We recently had some family changes and I am still struggling to find my new normal. We are helping a young adult lady get on her feet. She moved in with us for a time. I can’t really go into details yet, there are still pending charges. So that’s why Ms D hasn’t been blogging much.

Anyway, I didn’t realize how attached I had become to my schedule – to my ‘normal’. Until things changed. I am driving a lot now, taking her back and forth to work along with 2 other kids and school and sports. Now I know how my mom felt – the TAXI man! Oh well, normal is overrated anyway. I think I’ll just be me – everyone else is already taken!

“My whole life I wanted to be normal. Everybody knows there’s no such thing as normal. There is no black-and-white definition of normal. Normal is subjective. There’s only messy, inconsistant, silly, hopeful version of how we feel most at home in our own lives. But when I think about what I have, what I strived to reach my whole life, it’s not the biggest or best or easiest or prettiest or most anything. It’s not the Manor or the laundry closet. Not the multi-million dollar inheritance or the poorhouse. It’s not superstardom or unemployment. It’s family and love and safety. It’s bravery and hope. It’s work and laughter and imperfection. It’s my normal.”
― Tori Spelling

“My 30 year attempt (and subsequent failure) to reach “normal” has brought me to ponder whether “normal” even exists, or if it is nothing more than delusional grandeur based in the sounds of those sweet sirens drawing my ship in all the wrong directions.”
― Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

“If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be.”
― Maya Angelou

“Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.”
― Vincent van Gogh

Normal

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(Image Source: Pinterest)

Every Woman Should Know – Inspiration from Maya Angelou

I got this an email from my sister-in-law Kris today. It really blessed me, so I would like to share it with you.

Maya Angelou is an inspiration, an Author, a Poet, and a Civil Rights Leader. You may have read her book “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to…
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

a youth she’s content to leave behind….
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

a feeling of control over her destiny….
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship….

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

when to try harder…
and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…..
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

(All Images below from Pinterest)

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Fences, Boundaries, and Relationships

When I say todays Daily Prompt I remembered this wonderful series on boundaries.  I had to learn what a healthy relationship looked like as I was always the one  getting walked on. I seemed to say yes to everyone and everything.

“Yes, I would love to get that for you…

Yes, of course I want to do that…

Yes, I would love to take you to the store…

Yes, I would love to make that….

Yes, I would love to head that project…”

Meanwhile, in my head I wanted to shoot them!

Not today.  I have no problem saying “no” today.  This series helped me do that.Not a doormat for anyone today!

Daily Prompt: Good Fences?

Who are your neighbors? Are you friends with them, barely say hi, or avoid them altogether? Tell us a story — real or invented — about the people on the other side of your wall (or street, or farm, or… you get the point). Photographers, artists, poets: show us NEXT DOOR.

Boundaries – When to Say Yes and When to Say No (part 1) (via Prayers and Promises)

So, you wonder, if you used to live in abuse and domestic violence, how did you get out Ms. D?  Funny you should ask.  I recently came across a book/teaching/bible study that was planted in me about 10 years ago.  This particular way of looking at…

The Dangers of Negative Self Talk

We have all done it – talked to ourselves.  But what are we actually saying? If we have the power of life and death in our tongues – are we using this God given power to speak life, or death? Yep, killing ourselves softly – with our own words.  Negative self talk will bring us down faster than anything or anyone.  And today, after reading the scripture below in a new version, I saw that any gossip or criticism I speak about another person will COME BACK TO ME!  Ouch!

God’s Word for You:

Do not say what is wrong in other people’s lives. Then other people will not say what is wrong in your life.

You will be guilty of the same things you find in others. When you say what is wrong in others, your words will be used to say what is wrong in you.

Why do you look at the small piece of wood in your brother’s eye, and do not see the big piece of wood in your own eye?

How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take that small piece of wood out of your eye,’ when there is a big piece of wood in your own eye?

You who pretend to be someone you are not, first take the big piece of wood out of your own eye. Then you can see better to take the small piece of wood out of your brother’s eye.

“Do not give that which belongs to God to dogs. Do not throw your pearls in front of pigs. They will break them under their feet. Then they will turn and tear you to pieces.

(Matthew 7: 1-6 NLV)

And I had to ask myself about the first part – DO NOT SAY WHAT IS WRONG WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES.

From: Pinterest
From: Pinterest

What if that other person is me?

Am I always finding things that are wrong with me?

Am I quick to criticize myself?

If someone else says something bad to me or about me, are those the words I cling to?

Do I repeat those words to myself – even if they are NOT TRUE?

Are those the words I want to bring life to?

So what can I start to speak over myself and others?

Words of Life – from God:

WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST
From Neil Anderson’s “Bondage Breaker”

I Am Accepted
John 1:12 — I am God’s child.
John 15:15 — I am Christ’s friend.
Romans 5:1– I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17 — I am united with the Lord, and I am one spirit with Him.
1 Corinthians 6:19,20 — I have been bought with a price. I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:2 7 — I am a member of Christ’s body.
Ephesians 1:1 — I am a saint.
Ephesians 1:5 — I have been adopted as God’s child.
Ephesians 2:18 — I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit.
Colossians 1:14 — I have been redeemed and for¬given of all my sins.
Colossians 2:10 — I am complete in Christ.

I Am Secure
Romans 8:1,2 — I am free forever from condemnation.
Romans 8:28 — I am assured that all things work together for good.
Romans 8:31 — I am free from any condemning charges against me.
Romans 8:35 — I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21,22 — I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:3 — I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6 — I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected.
Philippians 3.20 — I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7 — I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.
Hebrews 4:16 — I can find grace and mercy in time of need.
1 John 5.18 — I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me.

I Am Significant
Matthew 5:13,14 — I am the salt and light of the earth.
John 15:1,5 — I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of His life.
John 15:16 — I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
Acts 1:8 — I am a personal witness of Christ.
1 Corinthians 3.16 — I am God’s temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17 — I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
2 Corinthians 6:1 — I am God’s co-worker (1 Corinthians 3:9).
Ephesians 2:6 — I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10 — I am God’s workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12 — I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4.13 — I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

My Prayer for You:

Dear Lord,

We confess we have spoken ‘death’ over ourselves with our own negative self-talk.  Today Lord we ask you to turn those words into dust and let them fall to the ground.  They are not true – no matter if we said them, or someone else said them over us.  Today is a new day Lord.  We will begin today – now – to SPEAK LIFE over ourselves and over others as well.  Let all gossip and criticism cease, in Jesus Name.

 All images from: Pinterest

New Life Version (NLV)

Copyright © 1969 by Christian Literature International

Looking for the Real Me

Looking for the Real Me

Wanted:

The young girl that used to believe in miracles and wonders.

The one that thought she could take on the world and never fail.

The girl who believed in herself and knew she was special.

The girl who wouldn’t let those mean words get through to her heart.

Wanted – the innocence again of childhood.

See,  I have looked to many things to ‘find myself’.  Maybe you have too.  I looked to the world, I have looked to relationships, I have looked to money and jobs, I have looked to things like alcohol and drugs, I have looked to psychology and 12 step groups.  I have even looked to church.  But like Joseph and Mary long ago, I lost Jesus at the church.  I worshipped the religion, but not the man – Christ Jesus. That was another 10 year adventure right there.  But I never found her – that little girl lost, until I looked to Jesus.  When I looked to HIM, I found ME!

This post reminds me of who God says I am…

Who I am in Christ – encouragement for the weary soul.

And a big thank you to iChristian and Steve Rebus for turning me on to this series – real people, real stories, and hope.

From I Am Second:

I am Second is a movement meant to inspire people of all kinds to live for God and for others. Actors. Athletes. Musicians. Business leaders. Drug addicts. Your next-door neighbor. People like you. The authentic stories on iamsecond.com provide insight into dealing with typical struggles of everyday living. These are stories that give hope to the lonely and the hurting, help from destructive lifestyles, and inspiration to the unfulfilled. You’ll discover people who’ve tried to go it alone and have failed. Find the hope, peace, and fulfillment they found. Be Second.

Featured Image Source: www.columbia.edu