Tag: 12 steps

12 Steps to Keeping Your Sanity When You Are Sleeping With the Enemy

Keeping your sanity – when you are sleeping with the enemy. Let me share a story. I came to the Lord during a time of crisis in my life. Isn’t that how it goes? Anyway, I was charmed by the ‘snake’ just like Eve in the garden. His talk was smooth, he was absolutely charming, but underneath he was a snake.  I lived many years in Domestic Abuse and little did I know that this was the start of a very destructive relationship. And, it has happened to me more than once  – more than one relationship.

The World calls him the Abuser,

the Doctors call him the Narcissist,

and the Church calls him the Jezebel Spirit.  

It’s all about deception, and ultimately power and control.

And you my friend are the target if you fall for his lies.

dont fall for it

 

Recently I got an email from a follower asking for action steps on how to keep your sanity in the middle of the mess. Thank you my friend for the inspiration.  Here is my experience.

 

12 STEPS TO KEEPING YOUR SANITY

WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

 

  1. Accept the fact that you have been deceived. The dream was a nightmare. It was not what you thought, and that’s ok. The truth will set you free.

  2. Ask God to help you and read His Word. Only the Truth will cut through the lies.

  3. Ask God to reveal where you have been lied to. And get ready for tears as God shows you.

  4. Once the Holy Spirit shows you, give yourself permission NOT to confront the Abuser/Narcissist/Enemy. You don’t have to prove yourself right. God is showing you, not him. And seriously, he doesn’t care – he doesn’t want to.

  5. Start a journal. Write down what happens. Find a scripture verse to hold onto for the situation and write that down too. I had a tendency to forget what happened with living from crisis to crisis. Seeing it down on paper over time made it real for me.

  6. Give yourself permission to NOT change him. It is not your job. And he probably doesn’t even want to change. He thinks he is right – all the time.

  7. Give yourself some space and time. Not everything has to be decided today.

  8. Seek out professional support. I had help from the Pastor, church friends, Counselors, and a few friends.

  9. Start to reestablish your independence – quietly if you are still living in the same house. Start looking for a job, call someone, read a motivational book. Reignite the flame that he has blown out. You can do it.

  10. Ask God to put a barrier between you and the Abuser/Narcissist/Enemy. Every time I saw the Abuser I pictured mirrors all around me. That way anything he said bounced right back to him.

  11. If you are married, ask God for wisdom. God did not create you to be abused. Spiritual abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse are NOT what marriage is. I had to separate with my ex. And he still did not want to change. With his repeated unfaithfulness we eventually divorced. It was messy, yes, but today I live in peace.

  12. Yes, pray for him. Whether he changes or not, it will free you. Forgiveness does not mean what he did was right, but it frees you from the baggage and allows God to deal with him. There is such freedom in letting go of trying to change him. Let go of the strings my friends, God will take it from here.

I found a wonderful image of what this looks like from The Narcissists Wife.

 

Source - http://www.narcissistswife.com/19-signs-married-to-a-narcissist/
Source – http://www.narcissistswife.com/19-signs-married-to-a-narcissist/

 

(Other images from Pinterest)

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You Are More Precious Than You Know – For Posterity

Here is my response for the DAILY POST – For Posterity

Your blog just became a viral sensation. What’s the one post you’d like new readers to see and remember you by? Write that post.

 

You are more precious than you know. If you are like me than sometimes we let others define us.  I look back at old pictures and it amazes me how I changed my appearance based on who I was dating at the time.  Hey, there is Diana the prep, Diana the biker, Diana the country chic, Diana the Professional, etc.  Can you relate?

I have also accepted so many different labels in my life. Things that just are not true.  I went through the 12 step rigamaroe – my name is____ and I’m a ____ and I will be forever. What a pile of garbage. I can’t believe I bought all that stuff at face value.  No, I am not a ______  – not now, not then,  not ever! God does not say that about me – so it is NOT TRUE! As you can see, I am not a fan of the 12 steps.  I have found them to be pits of very unsafe people. You can read about it here:

 Do Twelve Step Meetings Open the Door to Sexual Predators?

 

powerful-thoughtsIt is true that our thoughts become our actions. But only if we allow it and take those words into our hearts.  Just because someone says something does not mean it’s true. But if you tell an Eagle it is a Chicken – and it chooses to believe that lie, then it will not learn to fly.  Tell a girl she is a victim and tell her she will always be that way –  then she will attract abuser after abuser.  Tell a person they have always been a drunk, are a drunk, and will be forever a drunk – and guess what? They go back to drink. If you tell someone they will be that way forever and they believe it, they will stay that way. How does that help anyone get better?How does that help anyone get better? Hence, my dislike for any ‘program’ that exalts itself above the WORD of God.

YOU ARE MORE PRECIOUS THAN YOU KNOW.

  • All those labels people tried to get you to wear – let them fall to the ground.

  • All those things people said about you – they weren’t true – let them fall to the ground.

  • All those words you said to yourself after believing those lies – let them fall to the ground.

 

Ok, now for my spunky part. Idk why I do this. I guess I am just not afraid to say what I feel needs to be said. And I have been on both sides of the street, so perhaps I am not ‘indoctrinated’ too badly.

Give grace, love without regret, and live – be happy – it drives them crazy!!

And a bit of advice for all the Finger Pointers, Acpridecusers, Pharisees, and Liars out there:

  • Demeaning others and calling them names does not motivate people to change.
  • Telling someone they will ‘always be that way’ – does not motivate people to change.
  • Shaming someone and calling them their ‘sin’ does not motivate people to change.
  • Talking about how holy and righteous you are and how others just need to ‘shape up or ship out” does not motivate people to change.
  • Gossiping about others does not motivate people to change.
  • Throwing the ‘get right with God or else you’re going to hell’ does not motivate people to change.
  • God msinnersakes me new everyday – I refuse to accept your picture of who you think I am.
  • Your warped picture of me is not who I am.  Those words you called me are bouncing right back to you.
  • I am a work in progress, and so are my brothers and sisters. I am more than what I do or don’t do. So is the rest of the family. We all have ‘stuff”. And guess what, God already knows about it! And He loves us anyway – stuff and all.
  • If you don’t have anything positive to say, do us a favor, sit down and be quiet!
  • I will put my trust in God and the Holy Spirit, my helper, will do the work in me from the inside-out.  So put down your stick. It is not helping.
  • We are God’s chosen and His beloved children – that’s what He said. Who said you get to beat up on God’s kids and call them names?

 

pharisee

 

Dandelion Roots

I am writing this as I was looking at the grass today, and how quickly the Dandelions grow back.  You know you can cut the grass one day and the very next day they are back.  Springing up despite all your effort.  Kind of reminds me of addiction.  You can try on your own. And people will judge you and tell you you are not ‘good enough’ for God, you are not doing it right, you need to…blah, blah, blah.

OR you can go to meetings for years upon years and buy into the learned helplessness motto.  “I am this way and I will always be this way.”  What a crock!  No, God says I can be healed.  God says I can be made whole.  I don’t go to those meetings anymore – I think it hurt me more than it helped me.  Hey, lets get a bunch of “sick” people together and let them sit around talking about how ‘sick’ they are and how they will always be that way.  Didn’t work for me.  In face I’ve heard that the relapse rate is like 80 –  90%.  Kind of reminds me of dandelions.  You can cut off the top, but if you don’t kill the roots – it comes back.

How do you kill the roots?  In my experience, only Jesus can heal that broken place.  He saw how we got that way, He will take care of the offender/abuser, and He can heal it – if we let him.  He can get the roots out so the dandelions don’t grow back.  And the Holy Spirit can heal it.

Don’ look at the dandelions – LOOK AT THE GARDENER!

Ask, seek, knock of Him.

Sit at His feet.

Trust Him.

Worship Him.

Adore Him.

LET HIM LOVE ON YOU.

Accept His love.

Let down the walls.

Open the door.

And before you know it those darn dandelions are gone!

 

Some dandelions found in my backyard.
Some dandelions found in my backyard. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

DANDELION ROOTS

Copyright 2014 Diana Rasmussen

Yellow flowers

springing up

in the grass

The weeds keep

coming back

Cut and spray them

hoping they won’t

come back again

Only to find

them taller

and stronger

the next day

Why not pull

them out by the

roots?

The flower is only

the symptom

It comes back

again and again

because of

the roots

the pain and suffering

the fighting and the strife

the alcohol and the drugs

the razors and the knives

They are all DANDELIONS

 

We can keep cutting the grass – with meetings, self -control, treatment centers, counseling…but if we don’t kill it at the roots – you know what happens…Let the Master Gardener help today – He knows what He is doing…

 

Matthew 11

 

 

The Vine and the Branches

 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. (JOHN 15:1-9 NIV)

 

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