Category: Anxiety

Am I the Only One Tired of Covid?

I am so tired of Covid. I really thought this virus would be over with. The media is in a frenzy. I can’t watch it much anymore. It just fills me with fear, not faith.  Yes I am one of those people with pre-existing conditions. Covid would not do well with me.

I confess, I was up worrying about it last night until 4 am. Do you ever do that? My head gets stuck in this circle of bad thoughts and I can’t seem to find my way out of the negativity maze. Sometimes I am afraid that I won’t wake up in the morning. Am I being overly paranoid? What do you think? I just have to talk about this. I have been holding it in for 9 months now.

Maybe it’s because this year has sucked for my health. Heart Attack, Heart issues, Treatment, Cardia Rehab, blah, blah, blah. I am to the point I do not even want to go to the Dr. for anything. There are just too many people out there. I find myself crawling back in my shell…

I hope and pray that the God of Healing would heal this land and cast down Covid. I know He can. I know He will. I just don’t know when, and I am fearful of all the people dying from a stupid virus. Here are some Words from God that I need to ponder on to remind myself that God is still on the Throne, and it will not be this way forever.

 

God’s Word for You

  • And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”- Mark 5:34 NKJV
  • He heals the brokenhearted
    And binds up their wounds. – Psalm 137:3 NKJV
  • Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease [a]among the people. – Matthew 9:35 NKJV
  • Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. – James 5:14 NKJV
  •  who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. – 1 Peter 2:24 NKJV

My Prayer for You

Dear Lord,

I pray that you would be with all of your kiddos, including me, during this Pandemic. We know you see what is going on. Give us peace that surpasses understanding in our hearts. Let us lay our worries and our burdens on your cross. You paid the price for us to be healed and whole. Let it be done according to your Word, in Jesus Name.

 

Dealing with COVID in 2020

We all have struggles in this crazy world. Sometimes hints just happen that make no sense. For a control freak like me it drives me crazy! I like it when things go good, life sticks to the -lan, and life is well with the world. I must admit, that is rarely the case in my life.

This year has proven that right? Whoever would have thought we would be fighting a virus like COVID, closing down schools and businesses in droves. Then there is the whole election nightmare. I will be so glad when it’s over!

It’s during difficult times like these that I have to remind myself that Jesus told me there would be troubles and He was my peace, not the crazy situation.

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.] – John 16:33 AMP

So what is a person supposed to do when they are fearful and panicked, and afraid to go out into the world these days? So,e days I am ok, and other days I just don’t want to go anywhere. How about you?

I am learning to trust God in the storm, and carry on. It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure. I have found myself-laying a lot of games on my iPad and watching a lot of Netflix, lol!one thing I have determined to do is to be gentle with myself. Used to be a Perfectionist and would over-schedule myself to people please. Not today! I have let goof that terrible habit and given myself permission to just “be” with God and see what He is up to…

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 – AMP

I guess I don’t have to know how this whole thing is going to work out. I know the ONE who knows what is next. Today I choose to trust God, and follow Him, no matter what happens. God bless you my friends. Love you all!

You Want Me to Write That Down? Struggling with CBT Homework.

I admit it. I am back in therapy trying to get my body under control. I am seeing a NeuroPsychiatirst. Now that is a mouthful. The Neurologist sent me there for the tremors and seizures I have been having. They call it FND or Functional Neurological Disorder.

I have found there are multiple ways to treat this. First – they send us to psychiatrity if we have ever had any trauma or abuse in your past. I laughed when they asked me that. I mean I could be the poster child for trauma and abuse, lol! The plan is to reprogram my brain with CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Yeah, I had to look that one up.

According to the Mayo Clinic:

“Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type of talk therapy (psychotherapy). You work with a mental health counselor (psychotherapist or therapist) in a structured way, attending a limited number of sessions. CBT helps you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them in a more effective way.

CBT can be a very helpful tool ― either alone or in combination with other therapies ― in treating mental health disorders, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or an eating disorder. But not everyone who benefits from CBT has a mental health condition. CBT can be an effective tool to help anyone learn how to better manage stressful life situations.”

Secondly, there is a place in Kentucky that offers an inpatient program for CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Kind of the same as the first option, but on steroids.

Lastly, I read of a place in Florida where they take Ultrasound waves and the MRI machine and kill the brain cells that cause motor disorders. Unfortunately, cost is $25,000 and they don’t take insurance. Dang.

I guess I’ll stick with door #1. I see the Dr. once every 2 weeks and I have homework. I have been avoiding it. I am learning about triggers and what happens when I have a seizure/tremors. I have been told I have to identify them and then we get to rewrite the script in my brain.

So, what I am stalling on – writing down the negative thoughts that go through my head in a day.

Wow, I had no idea. It’s hard when you have to think about what you are thinking about. Examine the thought – is it true? What is the evidence? It hurts my head just thinking about it. Seriously, you want me to write that down? Ugggh. I hope I don’t crawl into crazy doing it.

I am not a touchy feely girl. I don’t like emotions. Most of the time I just shove them down into a box to deal with later. I am a great compartmentalizer. Shove it in a box, do what you gotta do at the moment, and bury that box deep down so nobody can ever find it. I don’t want to open that box and relive all that pain. Is this really gonna work? Is it worth it?

Hey God, I know you can renew my thoughts as I read your Word and listen and pray to You. Can you just flip the switch up there? It would be so much easier than this homework!

What about you? Have you ever had to do this? Did it work?

 

Here is a great video about FND:

Related Links:

What Do You Do When Your Plan Gets Interrupted?

What do you do when your plan gets interrupted? It may be due to a job change, an illness, a change in circumstances, or whatever. How do you respond? I find myself in that exact situation now. An illness has interrupted my normal everyday life and I find myself at a crossroads.

Here are the three ways people can respond to change according to Success Magazine:

  1. Be Non Active – people resist change and blame and stay stuck
  2. Be Reactive – people jump into the next crisis without thinking things through
  3. Be ProActive and Positive – people put their focus on what they could do, focused on the positive outcomes and took action

I have to admit, I have been the Reactive Person most of my life. I have jumped from crisis to crisis trying to fix everyone and everything and it usually turns into a trainwreck. I never had a problem finding a job – I would take the first one that came along. I always was a bit impulsive.

This illness has forced me to slow down and re-evaluate my life and my job and my family. My kids are all grown and working or going to college now. My Mom duties have diminished and I struggle with the Empty Nest syndrome as well. I am not sure what to do next. I pray and ask God for direction, and then sit here and wait. I have been out of work since last November and on Disability. It is very strange for me. I have worked my whole life on and off with kids. I struggle with trying to keep busy while living within the limits of what I can do currently. I have to fight off the spirit of depression and anxiety in the middle of this mess.

I am back in Therapy to learn some new tools for my toolbox for keeping myself well. We are body, soul, and spirit. I haven’t really taken the best care of myself. It was so easy to put everyone else first when you are the Mom.

How about you? Have you ever had your life interrupted? How did you respond?

God’s Word for You:

Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 NKJV

My Prayer for You:

Lord, I have absoluetly no idea why I am here. I was not ready for this interruption –  yet I choose to trust You in the proccess. Show me Your ways. Lead me in the path of understanding. I trust You Lord to lead me through this valley and on to the other side where my cup overflows and I sit in green pastures of peace, in Jesus Name.

 

 

 

 

 

Crawl Into Crazy

Well, here I sit. 55 years old and back in therapy. My Neurologist asked if I had ever experienced any trauma or abuse. I just laughed. Only my whole life, lol. Then I said, “Yes.” He referred me to a Psychiatrist for evaluation. Here is a poem I wrote thinking about things.

CRAWL INTO CRAZY

– Copyright 2019 Diana Rasmussen

I walk through the door and thought all was well

until the Dr came in with that look on his face

He sat down and said, “well it doesn’t look good.”

I froze and prayed God I’m gonna need some grace

My mind is racing all I think is, ” How can I just be free?”

I don’t want to hear what he says

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

I know this never-ending numbness

it’s when I shut down

I bow my head and pray

to God for a miracle instead

My tears fall to the floor

as I sit and rock like a baby

God show me your grace

before I crawl into crazy

The Dr told me there would be more tests

not sure know how long it will take to find out the cause

I’m googling every symptom I thought I could see

I want to know what is the matter with me

I’m fighting with fear of what it might be

I didn’t ask to be sick, I don’t want to be here

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

Crazy is the box that whispers her name

gets her to crawl in

only to slam down the lid

Please God help me now

don’t let me crawl into crazy

I prayed and asked God “why, why is this happening to me?”

He stretches out His arm, takes my hand and says, “Just walk with Me.”

He covers me with His mercy and grace as we walk through the door

God’ s gonna make sure I don’t crawl into crazy.

 

 

Learning to Deal with Grief – What Are Your Stressors?

I recently have been visiting many Doctors to figure out what is going on with me. One of them asked, ” What are your stressors?” It took me a few days to figure this out. My family life is good. What else could stress me? Then it hit me, I hate loss.

Here is part of the letter I sent my Doctor:

I have a hard time with loss ever since 2012. In Jan of 2012 my Mother in law passed away from Cancer. In Feb of 2012 I broke my leg and lost my job. In Sept of 2012 my Mom passed away from Cancer. In the spring of 2013 we went through a foreclosure due to my lost income. This has affected how I perceive the world.

This past year my sister in law was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She has undergone Chemotherapy and will start Radiation in May. My heart breaks for her and what she is having to go through.

My best friends have lost 2 of their children in the last 15 months. My heart breaks for them too. How do you go on after that? Lord, help us all.

In my job, we have a 60% turnover rate. I am losing friends all the time – they leave or go to another department. It makes us afraid to open up and get too close to each other. Too many people leaving all the time.

When my Peripheral Neuropathy started I had just got promoted. I couldn’t feel my legs while I was doing the training. It was 8 hours on my feet. I was afraid I was going to lose my job. I provide insurance for my family. I was afraid I would lose our insurance, so I pushed through the pain. Not a good idea. It really made things worse. I had to turn down the Training Position I was offered due to the inability to stand. This was a teaching position that I really wanted, and I lost that too.

I guess I am afraid of losing my job and losing my health this year.

We all face loss. We all grieve. I can tell you I really don’t like this whole process. I am not really a touchy, feely kind of girl. I find freedom when I write.

They say there are 5 stages to grief. I think I am stuck somewhere:

  1. denial
  2. anger
  3. bargaining
  4. depression
  5. acceptance

I think it’s #4 – Depression. I think I am just stuck here.  I have been on short term disability since November of last year. I have no idea if I will be able to go back to work. I have so many Doctors and so many tests. They have said I have this, that, and the other thing. Blah, blah, blah – I am so sick of this. Doesn’t matter. God is greater.

I want my friend’s kids back, I want my sister’s health back. I want my body back. I want my health back. I want that Training job. It just isn’t fair. And I have absolutely NO CONTROL over any of this! That’s probably what I am wrestling with.

How do you deal with loss?

Mom-xiety – When You Don’t Know What is Going On and You Panic

It was a normal Saturday. Our teens were out doing their thing as my husband and I focused on house stuff – well and Netflix too. A great relaxing day. Then I texted one of my kids. Just checking in, mom stuff – you know. No answer. I brushed it off, no big deal.

Four hours later, I texted again. Still no answer. Another hour later – still no answer. That’s it – that was all my imagination needed to get off to the races. My anxiety started to rise. My heartbeat increased. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour.

What it they were kidnapped?

What if someone did something to them?

What if they are hurt and can’t call me?

What if they don’t want to talk to me?

What if they got a ticket and are in jail?

What if they are dead somewhere on the side of the road and can’t call?

Yeah, you know.

Mom-xiety – when you don’t know what is going on and you panic.” – Diana Rasmussen

I busied myself most of the day. Then went to try to go to sleep. Texted again, still no answer. Well that was it – I was off to the races again. I couldn’t fall asleep. The pictures in my mind kept getting worse and worse.

Why do we always think the worst?

I was up every 2 hours last night, checking my phone. Not wanting to make a big deal, I didn’t call them or their friends. I thought about it though.

I could have hunted them down like an animal. I could have gotten in my car and went and made a fool of myself, I didn’t. I stayed home and worried. Yeah I prayed – “God you take care of them, so I don’t kill them for not getting back to me.”

I woke up early Sunday morning, 5:00 am. By 5:30 am I couldn’t take it anymore. I texted their friend. Still no answer. I was pacing the floor by this point. This Mom-xiety is awful!  I hate that feeling of being out of control and not knowing what is going on. That’s the truth.

It was about 7 when I got a text from my child. All was well. They had gone boating and had not brought their phone. I didn’t know wheter to laugh or cry from releif! I didn’t lose it and bite their head off. They were out living life and having fun, and being responsible. I was the nutcase yesterday.

Some days I have it together, and other days I just lose it. I wish I wasn’t so up and down. Anxiety sucks. Yeah, I take meds. Yeah, I pray. But when your heart is pounding out of your chest and your brian is a tornado and you can’t breath – then what?

Do I have faith. Yes I do.  Somedays, I guess I just forget to use it.

 

 

6 Ways to Overcome Anxiety in the Chaos of Mass Shootings

We live in perilous times. Anger and evil are rising. There are so many psychos out there taking innocent lives. It can be sobering. We feel so out of control as evil people kill innocent victims. There is no reason. They are psycho. But how can we react in times of chaos and senseless violence? How do we overcome our anxiety in these days of shootings?

6 Ways to Overcome Anxiety in the Chaos of Mass Shootings

1. There is good and there is evil in this world. There will be chaos and confustion. God told us ahead of time.  These are the beginning of sorrows. We are in the last days.

The Signs of the Times and the End of the Age

Now as He sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, “Tell us, when will these things be? And what will bethe sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?”

And Jesus answered and said to them: “Take heed that no one deceives you. For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many.  And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows.

 “Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and kill you, and you will be hated by all nations for My name’s sake.  And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many.  And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.  But he who endures to the end shall be saved.  And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come.” -Matthew 24:3-14 NKJV

2.  Whether we live or whether we die we belong to the Lord. Trust him with whatever happens next.

For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ died and rose and lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living. – Romans 14:8-9 NKJV

3. Have faith that God will get you through these last days. Jesus has faith in you and your family and He will be with you here and in Heaven. This world is not our home. We were made for eternity and to live with Jesus in Heaven.

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?”

 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” – John 14:1-6 NKJV

4. Our days are numbered in the Book of Life. Trust God that He knows when we are coming home to live with Him. He has put eternity in our hearts. We are citizens of Heaven just trying to make it through this world. We are only passing through. This is not the end, just the beginning.

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them. – Psalm 139: 13-16 NKJV

5. Limit your news time and phone time. Whatever you feed will grow. I know people who watch every news story and read every article out there. They feed their fear. The more you feed it the bigger it will grow. Instead, feed your faith. Read the Word, pray, meet with other believers. Strengthen yourself in the most holy faith.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what isthat good and acceptable and perfect will of God. – Romans 12:1-2 NKJV

6.  In uncertain times, remind yourself of one thing that stays the same – God and His love for you. God is faithful. God is true. God will never leave you. God is true. God loves you now and forever. He will lead the way when it is time to leave this world and join Him in Heaven. Trust Him.

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.  – Lamentations 3:22-23 NKJV

How to Overcome Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts. Sometimes they come like waves. I had a night like that last night. I don’t know why. Maybe because I was tired. Maybe because I was under attack by spiritual forces at work – who knows. It really doesn’t matter why.   What matters when this happens is what you do about it.

I have had struggles in this area before. I used to believe every thought that came into my head. Let me tell you – that is not healthy. I acted on bad thoughts and ended up in a world of hurt.

Today is different. I have learned that every thought that comes into my head may not be something I need to ponder on. I can choose to reject some thoughts.  Some thoughts are from the enemy of our soul. Yes – the battle is for our minds.  That is why God says to renew our minds and test every thought. That is why God tells us to think on good things.

How did I overcome those negative thoughts? I used the Word of God. I had to reaffirm what God said is greater that what I felt at the time.  Feelings are not always real. Seriously.  When I let my feelings rise above the Word I get myself in trouble. Feelings come and go. Feelings lie. The Word of God is the Truth.

Here are the things I told myself last night to overcome the wave of negative thoughts:

  • God says I am chosen and beloved
  • God says I am worthy
  • God says I am loved
  • God says He will give me life – not death
  • God says what He made is good
  • God says He will complete the work He is doing in me
  • God says He loves me and He will protect me

I refuse to entertain negative thinking.  When I do I end up hurting myself or others. God has plans for us, plans for a future, and good things. I will retrain my mind to dwell on the good and let go of the bad.

Learning to Rest

Learning to rest. It is not always easy in this digital world. There are so many pretty things to look at. Plus you can see who is doing what any time you want. It’s insane. I miss the simpler times. The days without cell phones – when you had to leave a message on the answering machine and we could call them back when we wanted to. Our kids will never know life without cell phones. I mean really – I did not have internet when I grew up. No computer at home. Really. My kids think I’m a dinosaur.

There are times I have to unplug. Just rest and be. Go for a walk, dig in the dirt, just breathe. This life is so fast. The older I get, the faster time flies.

Can you relate?

 

God’s Word for You:

  • “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV
  • “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
    I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.” – Psalm 91:1-2 NIV
  • “The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.” – Mark 6:30-32 NIV
  • “Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest; even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest.” – Exodus 34:21 NIV
  • “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.- Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

My Prayer for You:

Dear Lord,

Help us to let go of this world and rest in you. Bring to our minds the peace of spending time just resting in You. Let us choose to trust you with all our trials and tribulations knowing that this life is only temporary. You are the Author and Finisher of our faith. Forgive our disbelief. Our beginning and our ending is in You and what you have already done. Increase our faith, in Jesus Name.

 

 

Be Gentle with Yourself this Holiday Season

Holidays can be stressful. So much to do, so little time. Why do we do this every year? We are the most over stressed and over worked people in time. Then add a cell phone. Instant access – to everything and everyone – all the time. No wonder we are at our wits end.

Then, just for fun, let’s  throw in a family party. Why not? Hey what should we make? Do I need to bake cookies? Truthfully the last few times I tried to bake it was an epic fail. I tried a new banana bread recipe that had oil in it and it just sucked. Then I thought I would “cheat” and buy cookie dough. Hey – who can screw up chocolate chip cookies? Can I tell you they were awful!

Welcome to reality Miss D – you are not a Baker. My kids are awesome Bakers but truthfully I am not. Today I am OK with that. I’m NOT going to bake. I can buy cookies anyway. 

Be gentle with yourself this Holiday Season. 

You don’t have to do it all. 

Delagate. 

Let it go, it’s OK to let go of unrealistic expectations for yourself! 

I gave up trying to be the “perfect little hostess”. It wasn’t real anyway. This Christmas I am going to enjoy my family and our special moments together – that is what matters the most anyway. God bless you my friends. Love you all, Diana

casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7 

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7 

Gratitude is a Magnet for Miracles

Have you ever played with a magnet? It draws metal to it by its nature. It doesn’t have to think about it, do something special or do anything to earn it. it just does it, because that is what it was created to do.

Gratitude is a Magnet for Miracles!


Are you grateful today? If not, make a new choice today. Choose gratitude and watch and see what God will do!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 | NIV

Gratitude dispels fear and anxiety. Gratitude makes room for God to work!

Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 | NIV

(All pictures from Pinterest)