Category Archives: Boundaries

Why Jezebels and Narcissits Spoil Every Holiday and How to Keep Your Peace

You may know one – or have known one. The Killjoy, the Jezebel or the Naracissit who consistantly ruins every holiday. It may be a birthday, a Thanksgiving, or even Christmas.  Every year they make a scene – to be seen. It’s almost like they are on steroids. All those criticizing, belittling, and blaming behaviors come out in stereo. Loud and proud as they cut down everyone and everything in their way. But why? Why do they insist on the drama every Holiday? And more importantly, what can you do to keep your peace?

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Why Jezebels and Narcissists Spoil Every Holiday and How to Keep Your Peace

  • Jezebels and Narcissits have a self control problem. They have none. So they create drama all around them so they feel important. It’s all about them. They want to be the star of the show. So if they cut you down, they think they shine.
    •  It’s a pretty dull sparkle if you ask me. Don’t react. Let them be stupid all by themselves.
  • Holidays bring crowds and they love to be the star of the show. Once again, you don’t matter to them. They have no real heart. It is cold and closed. More people mean a bigger audience for them to play their leading role.
    • They are a legend in their own minds.  Too bad it’s the size of a pea, lol! They think they are God and everyone should bow down and worship them. Don’t do it. Don’t put them on a pedestel, or cater to their whims. There is no throne for that type of behavior. It’s abusive.
  • Jezebels and Narcissists are insecure –  only they don’t want anyone to know about it. They often overreact to the dumbest things. They will blow a gasket at the drop of a hat, over anything. They are maniupulaters and blamers. In their mind anything that goes wrong is never their fault. They think they walk on water.
    • They will blame whoever is in their way. This way they feed their own ego. You can almost see their head blow up with their own hot air. When the blaming starts, take a deep breath and don’t belive them. Whatever comes out of their mouth is not true. They lie to cover things up all the time. Half of the time they do not even remember all the lies they tell.
  • Jezebesl and Narcissists  love to stir up drama. Have you ever noticed how they will poke and prod and gossip just to get someone upset? It makes them feel in control. They love to get other people angry.  I really think anger is fuel to them. They thrive on it.
    • Don’t play. Don’t react. Let their words fall to the ground.  Just because they said something doesn’t mean it is true. Sometimes this makes them even angrier, be prepared. It’s healthy to walk away, take a break, leave the room. You don’t have to watch them crash and burn.

Keep you peace this Holiday. If they want to be a jerk, let them. We have no contorl over other people’s bad behavior. It is not our fault they are jerks, that is their choice. What we can control is our reaction to it.

“Don’t feed the Jezebel or the Narcissist – they will only get uglier.”

Remember to put on your full armor and stand strong. Let it go, God will deal with them just like He did with Jezebel. Keep your peace. Don’t play. Pray, ask God to intercede. He will, and watch the Jezebels fall!

narcissist

 

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness

-Copyright 2016 Diana Rasmussen-

Forgiveness-Relationship-Quotes-500x375

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that I accept what you did to me

Forgiveness means I let go of taking vengeance against you

Forgiveness means I trust my God to deal with you because He told me, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.”

Forgiveness means I don’t have to think about you or what you did to me

Forgiveness means I am free from your prison of pain

Forgiveness means I can move on and go forward

Forgiveness frees me to be who God made me to be, regardless of what you do or don’t do

Forgiveness gives me the freedom to pray for you

Forgiveness let’s me be me

Forgiveness frees my Father in Heaven to forgive me

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. – Matthew 6:14-15 NIV

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12 Steps to Keeping Your Sanity When You Are Sleeping With the Enemy

This is in honor for my friend going through a rough time. Stand strong my sister – you can do this. You are worth so much more.

Prayers and Promises

Keeping your sanity – when you are sleeping with the enemy. Let me share a story. I came to the Lord during a time of crisis in my life. Isn’t that how it goes? Anyway, I was charmed by the ‘snake’ just like Eve in the garden. His talk was smooth, he was absolutely charming, but underneath he was a snake.  I lived many years in Domestic Abuse and little did I know that this was the start of a very destructive relationship. And, it has happened to me more than once  – more than one relationship.

The World calls him the Abuser,

the Doctors call him the Narcissist,

and the Church calls him the Jezebel Spirit.  

It’s all about deception, and ultimately power and control.

And you my friend are the target if you fall for his lies.

dont fall for it

Recently I got an email from a follower asking for action steps…

View original post 461 more words

Enter the Rest of the Lord

Busy, busy, busy. That describes most of us. School,work, sports, music, family, church, etc. We are overburdened with obligations. Whether you are an adult or a child committing to multiple things at the same time takes its toll on our peace of mind. We as a people are overworked, over committed, and over stressed.

Yet why do we do this?

What good does it do?

This past year I found myself getting sick again. I was overcommitted. I was trying to do too much with too little time. It affected my family as well. My kids started having issues with depression and anxiety. They picked up on mine. I had to make a choice to change. I had to trust God to lead me with what I could hold on to and what I had to let go of. I had to choose to trust Him with the rest. Let go and let God right?

I cut back on a number of things I was doing this year. I stopped recording every song I wrote. I gave myself permission to rest. I stopped going to every function I was invited to. I chose which times I could say “yes” and which times I could say “no.” I let myself say NO. That is huge for me. I was such a people pleaser for so many years. Thank you Lord for delivering me from that!

I am more grateful now. I am more thankful now. It was worth it. My family and I have more time together. We may not go out every night, but we have simple times together. A trip to Dunkin Donuts for coffee for my daughter or a trip to McDonalds for hash browns for my son. A grill and Netflix night with my husband is our date night. A visit with my older girls every two weeks and my granddaughter has brought me such joy.  My life is much simpler now. Thank you Lord for REST!

 

God’s Word for You:

Six days thou shalt do thy work, and on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest, and the son of thy handmaid, and the stranger, may be refreshed. – Exodus 23:12 KJV

 

Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” – Mark 6:31 NIV

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. – Matthew 11: 28-29 NIV

 

 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God ,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:4-7 NIV

 

 

effects of stress

(Image source – healthywomen.org)

My Prayer for You:

Dear Lord,

Show us which things to hang on to and which things to let go of. We want to enter the rest of the Lord. Let us lay down our people pleasing selves and accept the newness of life you died to give us. Let us rejoice in peace that surpasses all understanding, in Jesus name.

 

Related Articles:

 

(Featured image from communitytable.parade.com)

A Day in the Life-Quotes on Narcissism

A typical conversation with a Narcissist:

I said, “Stop calling me. I don’t want to talk about it.”

He said, “I will but I wanted to tell you how I feel about it.”

I answered, “I don’t care how you feel about it.”

Click. He hangs up the phone.  Two minutes later the texts start. He texts, “why don’t you practice what you preach?” I didn’t bite. I knew he was baiting me. I didn’t respond. They really hate that.

Two minutes later another text. I won’t repeat that one – lots of swear words. Again, I didn’t respond.A minute later the phone rings again. I can’t believe he’s still trying to call. No means no. I don’t answer again. I don’t want to participate in his drama.

I sit back down in my favorite chair. Take a deep breath and start to relax. Them I hear it from down the hall. He calls one of the kids. Great…here we go…

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Quotes on Narcissism

  1. “The sadistic narcissist perceives himself as Godlike, ruthless and devoid of scruples, capricious and unfathomable, emotion-less and non-sexual, omniscient, omnipotent and omni-present, a plague, a devastation, an inescapable verdict.” ― Sam Vaknin
  2. “Narcissistic personality disorder is named for Narcissus, from Greek mythology, who fell in love with his own reflection. Freud used the term to describe persons who were self-absorbed, and psychoanalysts have focused on the narcissist’s need to bolster his or her self-esteem through grandiose fantasy, exaggerated ambition, exhibitionism, and feelings of entitlement.” ― Donald W. Black, DSM-5 Guidebook: The Essential Companion to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
  3. “Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.” ― Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
  4. “To focus on how I’m doing more than what Christ has done is Christian narcissism” ― Tullian Tchividjian, Jesus + Nothing = Everything
  5. “The ‘Selfie Stick’ has to top the list for what best defines narcissism in society today.” ― Alex Morritt, Impromptu Scribe
  6. “There’s a reason narcissists don’t learn from mistakes and that’s because they never get past the first step which is admitting that they made one. It’s always an assistant’s fault, an adviser’s fault, a lawyer’s fault. Ask them to account for a mistake any other way and they’ll say, ‘what mistake?” ― Jeffrey Kluger 
  7. “Relationships with narcissists are held in place by hope of a “someday better,” with little evidence to support it will ever arrive.” ― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
  8. “Here lies the partner’s salvation: if you, as his intimate, wish to sever your relationship with the narcissist, stop providing him with what he needs. Do not adore, admire, approve, applaud, or confirm anything he does or says. Disagree with his views belittle him, reduce him to size, compare him to others, tell him he is not unique, criticize him, give unsolicited advice, and offer him help. In short, deprive him of the grandiose and fantastic illusions, which holds his personality together.  The narcissist is a delicately attuned piece of equipment. At the first sign of danger to his inflated False Self, he will quit and disappear on you.” ― Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited

 

(Image credits- Pinterest)

Why We Need to Renew Our Minds – Dealing With Anxiety

Not every thought is good. Not every thought should be acted upon. With the prevalence of depression and anxiety in our culture, there are ways to intervene. I have been there. I have had situational depression and have been treated for anxiety. So have many  members of my immediate family and many friends too.

According to the ADAA (Anxiety and Depression Society of America)

Did You Know?

  • Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18% of the population. (Source: National Institute of Mental Health)
  • Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only about one-third of those suffering receive treatment.
  • Anxiety disorders cost the U.S. more than $42 billion a year, almost one-third of the country’s $148 billion total mental health bill, according to “The Economic Burden of Anxiety Disorders,” a study commissioned by ADAA (The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry,60(7), July 1999).
    • More than $22.84 billion of those costs are associated with the repeated use of health care services; people with anxiety disorders seek relief for symptoms that mimic physical illnesses.
  • People with an anxiety disorder are three to five times more likely to go to the doctor and six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders than those who do not suffer from anxiety disorders.
  • Anxiety disorders develop from a complex set of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events.

We are made up of body, soul, and spirit. When our soul is overwhelmed many times our thinking is not based on truth. Worry and fear overtake our thoughts and we spin in a cycle that is not healthy. Sometimes we even believe lies about ourselves or others. When that happens we are often feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Feelings are fickle, they come and go. And just because we ‘feel’ something doesn’t mean that it is true. Feelings can lie. Especially when they are not based on truth.

This is not the life that God has intended for us. Jesus came to bring life and bring it more abundantly. The enemy is the one who is trying to get you to give up on yourself or others. And he is the father of lies.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2

There may be many causes. It may be due to a physical lack of chemicals in our brains. It may be emotional – there may be trauma or abuse that needs to be healed. Or it may be spiritual – we may be believing lies from the enemy of our souls.

In my experience I have dealt with all three. I have had to learn to change my thinking and take every thought captive. And I have used the Word of God, along with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to change the way I think. God gave us Doctors. Jesus is called the Great Physician. God gave us wisdom and knowledge in the medical fields. And I for one, am for getting help on all the levels I need.

According to NHS Choices:

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave.

It is most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but can be useful for other mental and physical health problems.

CBT cannot remove your problems, but it can help you deal with them in a more positive way. It is based on the concept that your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and actions are interconnected, and that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle.

And the Word of God will renew our thoughts and attitudes towards ourselves and others. Not every thought is good. Not every thought should be entertained. Not every thought should be given life.

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10:3-5

It has been said that as a man thinketh so  he becomes. If you continually tell yourself you are stupid – you will act stupid. If you tell yourself you will overcome – you will overcome. Our self-talk has amazing results, either for the good or the bad. Change the way you see yourself and you will change your thoughts. And with new thoughts, you will change your actions.  I had to use all the resources available to me. That included the Dr, the Therapist, and the Word of God.

Get help today. Your life – the abundant life that you want – is one truth and one choice away.

 

 

Here are Some Free Downloadable Flashcards that I made to help you if you are battling anxiety or depression. Simply click on the picture and it will bring you to my Quizlet page. You can download these or even have them read to you – there is audio!

 ANXIETY BIBLE VERSES

(Click to download)

Flashcards for Anxiety and Depression

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Image source -Pinterest)

 

Know Your Circle

There are lots of so called leaders out there. Lots of people who are looking for followers. But not all of them are worth following. Some are wolves in sheeps clothing. They appear harmless and want to be your friend. But will slice you to pieces the minute you turn your back. Don’t be deceived. Don’t follow a double minded person – they are unstable in all their ways. And they do not have your best interest in mind.

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Have you ever run into a passive-aggressive person? Yeah, me too. One minute they want to be your friend, and the next minute they are stabbing you in the back. Or they just wait to pounce on you to make you look bad in front of others. Secretly they really want you to fail. Especially if you are a Believer in Christ. Be wary. Not everyone you meet is on your side.  According to Wikipedia:

Passiveaggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

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Only through receiving the Spirit of God will we have a Teacher who will guide us and comfort us. The Holy Spirit will tell you ahead of time what is to come. The Spirit will tell you who is trustworthy and who is not. Ask the Spirit. And follow His lead. God will deal with the passive-aggressive. You are the aroma of Christ to them, the Light of the World – and not everyone wants to come out of the dark.

The LORD is a friend to those who fear him. He teaches them his covenant. My eyes are always on the LORD, for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies. -Psalm 25:14-15 NLT
 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. – Galatians 5:25

Characteristics of psychopaths | The Tyranny of Psychopaths

“They lie, cheat, steal, and kill to get their way. For them, it is a practical matter.” How I wish someone had taught me these things before I started dating for the first time. Life was always a game with men like this and they would do anything to win. Lesson learned.

No Psychos, No Druggies, No Stooges

Psychopathy causes more social social distress and disruption than all other mental disorders combined.Power elite psychopaths can be charming, charismatic, and intelligent. They are often seen as great leaders. They have powerful personalities with an almost a hypnotic ability to persuade and command people to do what they want. They can be smart, even scary smart—but in a devious, Machiavellian way. They are con artists who present a false image to the world, an image that they know will gain favorable attention.

Their emotional life consists of the gratification of acquiring, consuming, and possessing the best of everything, the thrill of conquest, the frustration of losing a fight, the triumph of defeating enemies, and the glory of egomania.

But above all, they live to conquer and to win. Psychopaths love battles—for them, it is a game. They go from one challenge to the next. They love winning and prizes, recognition and fame. They love privileges and exclusive clubs. They believe they are entitled…

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I Had to Unplug to Hear God’s Voice

There are times life is too loud. There are so many distractions these days with all our other responsibilities. I gave myself some time off this past week – to unplug, refresh, and recharge. I put my phone away. I didn’t blog everyday. I didn’t check Facebook 12 times a day. I didn’t record any music for the last month or so. I even muted my new app Periscope, lol!  It was one of the best things I have done in a long time.

  

  • Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who does all the talking?
  • Where you couldn’t even get a word in because they never stopped to listen?
  • How did that make you feel?

Yeah, me too. It’s frustrating.

I have to confess this was how my talk with God was going this past month. I was doing all the talking. And not listening. 

Thank you Holy Spirit for promoting me to unplug, to simply shut up and listen for God’s whisper. I feel so much better today. And hopeful. And joyful. You give me rest Lord. Thank you Jesus!

  

1 Kings 19:11-13 

“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. 

After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. 

And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 

Predatory People and Toxic Relationships

My rant to a harassing person from my past that will not respect my NO:

Not everyone is our friend. There are those people who are alongside the Enemy and just wish to kill, steal, and destroy. There is good, and there is evil. Learning to discern the difference between the two has been a journey for me. Evil people don’t wear horns and carry pitchforks. Sometimes they dress and act just like you and pretend to be a friend. So you try to help. Invite them in. And wonder why you got bit from the wolf 6 months later! There are Predatory People out there.

 The Bible teaches us that you will know a tree by its fruit. And some trees are bad. No amount of tlc will change it. Learning that I am not the Savior was a hard lesson for me. I kept getting myself into toxic relationships with Drama Kings and Queens until I learned to say NO. 

No, You don’t get to pretend to be my friend and stab me in the back at the same time. 

No, I will not allow you to treat me disrespectfully time after time and pretend it never happened. 

No, don’t expect me to believe a word that you say when all I hear are lies. 

No, you are not my friend and I do not have to let you back into my life. 

For the dog that keeps knocking on my door and trying to bully their way back in – NO. 

   
I forgave you, God commands me to do that. That doesn’t mean you get to come over and have lunch like nothing happened. God also gives us wisdom. 

Forgiveness does not mean that I accept what you did to me and my family. IT WAS WRONG. And you treated many others in your life the same way. I can’t believe we all believed the same lies. Wouldn’t you at least change your story? Playing the same ‘ruse’ is so sad. 

Forgiveness means that I trust God to deal with you. I am not your Savior. He is. I will not ‘tie’ myself to you in friendship. You do not know what that word means. Nor do I think you even care. In my opinion you are a Narcissist. All about you, all the time. They have real counselors that may be able to help you with that. Not me. Not my job.

I tried to help, but you only used that as an opportunity to attack. I will protect myself and my family from Predators. And I respect myself  and my family enough to say NO. 

Stop harassing me. No more emails, no more friend requests to me or my children, no more stopping by to damage anything where I live. Go live your life and leave me and my family out of it. 

  
  

(Image credits- simple reminders.com, ilovemylsi.com, Pinterst)

12 Steps to Keeping Your Sanity When You Are Sleeping With the Enemy

Keeping your sanity – when you are sleeping with the enemy. Let me share a story. I came to the Lord during a time of crisis in my life. Isn’t that how it goes? Anyway, I was charmed by the ‘snake’ just like Eve in the garden. His talk was smooth, he was absolutely charming, but underneath he was a snake.  I lived many years in Domestic Abuse and little did I know that this was the start of a very destructive relationship. And, it has happened to me more than once  – more than one relationship.

The World calls him the Abuser,

the Doctors call him the Narcissist,

and the Church calls him the Jezebel Spirit.  

It’s all about deception, and ultimately power and control.

And you my friend are the target if you fall for his lies.

dont fall for it

 

Recently I got an email from a follower asking for action steps on how to keep your sanity in the middle of the mess. Thank you my friend for the inspiration.  Here is my experience.

 

12 STEPS TO KEEPING YOUR SANITY

WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

 

  1. Accept the fact that you have been deceived. The dream was a nightmare. It was not what you thought, and that’s ok. The truth will set you free.

  2. Ask God to help you and read His Word. Only the Truth will cut through the lies.

  3. Ask God to reveal where you have been lied to. And get ready for tears as God shows you.

  4. Once the Holy Spirit shows you, give yourself permission NOT to confront the Abuser/Narcissist/Enemy. You don’t have to prove yourself right. God is showing you, not him. And seriously, he doesn’t care – he doesn’t want to.

  5. Start a journal. Write down what happens. Find a scripture verse to hold onto for the situation and write that down too. I had a tendency to forget what happened with living from crisis to crisis. Seeing it down on paper over time made it real for me.

  6. Give yourself permission to NOT change him. It is not your job. And he probably doesn’t even want to change. He thinks he is right – all the time.

  7. Give yourself some space and time. Not everything has to be decided today.

  8. Seek out professional support. I had help from the Pastor, church friends, Counselors, and a few friends.

  9. Start to reestablish your independence – quietly if you are still living in the same house. Start looking for a job, call someone, read a motivational book. Reignite the flame that he has blown out. You can do it.

  10. Ask God to put a barrier between you and the Abuser/Narcissist/Enemy. Every time I saw the Abuser I pictured mirrors all around me. That way anything he said bounced right back to him.

  11. If you are married, ask God for wisdom. God did not create you to be abused. Spiritual abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse are NOT what marriage is. I had to separate with my ex. And he still did not want to change. With his repeated unfaithfulness we eventually divorced. It was messy, yes, but today I live in peace.

  12. Yes, pray for him. Whether he changes or not, it will free you. Forgiveness does not mean what he did was right, but it frees you from the baggage and allows God to deal with him. There is such freedom in letting go of trying to change him. Let go of the strings my friends, God will take it from here.

I found a wonderful image of what this looks like from The Narcissists Wife.

 

Source - http://www.narcissistswife.com/19-signs-married-to-a-narcissist/
Source – http://www.narcissistswife.com/19-signs-married-to-a-narcissist/

 

(Other images from Pinterest)