Fear. We have all felt it. That paralyzing monster who stops us in our tracks. It comes from different places and each of us have different things that we are fearful of. Dread, terror, fright, dread – you know. But what do we do when we feel afraid?
14 Quotes on Fear and What to Do with It
Fear can paralyze us and keep us from believing God and stepping out in faith. The devil loves a fearful Christian! – Billy Graham
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Everything you want is on the other side of fear. -Jack Canfield
Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter. -Francis Chan
Don’t allow fear to hold you hostage, let your faith rest in God! – Lisa Osteen Comes
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. – Nelson Mandela
If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. – Dale Carnegie
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. -Yoda
Fear is the thief of opportunity! God hasn’t given you a spirit of fear, but He’s given you power, love and a sound mind. Be bold because He is with you! – Victoria Osteen
The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist. – Steven Pressfield
The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but it is fear. -Gandhi
Fear is a sickness. – Peter Nii Korley
He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have no fear, God knows what He is doing. What was meant for evil, He will use to make Himself glorified IN YOU. That means, their evil plans will not work. You’re coming out of this. – Paul A. Adefarasin
But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior – Isaiah 43:1-3 NKJV
That one got me. Fear is the path to the dark side. Yep. When I revel in fear I am choosing to ignore God and His promises to me. When I choose fear over faith I am choosing to believe that God can’t or won’t help me. I am choosing disbelief.
Now I know I don’t know everything. I need help. I need direction. I need to exercise my faith. When fear comes up upon me I have learned I have two choices:
I can feed my fear. Run the “what if?” questions over and over in my mind. When I do this fear turns to terror and I freeze. I shut down and lose faith in God and myself. Then I get angry at everyone and everything. My vision gets distorted and I lose hope.
I can choose to believe that God will help me. I can choose to believe that He is the God of the impossible and it doesn’t even need to make sense to me. It does not have to be logical or even realistic. He is the God of miracles and I can choose to take Him at his Word and believe that He will help me through it. I can choose faith.
What about you?
How do you let fear go?
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you,Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ – Isaiah 41:10
Worry. It has a way of eating up your hope and joy and destroying your peace of mind.
WORRY – to give way to anxiety or unease; allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.
Worry is dwelling on our troubles or difficulty. The more we worry the worse things get. Worry can lead to anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. Excessive worrying can lead to physical health problems as well – headaches, sleeplessness, poor job performance, and hindered relationships. People may turn to alcohol, drugs, overeating, or other harmful habits to cope. I have even heard it said that worry is a lack of trust – in ourselves, in someone else, or in God.
When we choose to direct our thoughts towards someone else with worry we can bind them to us in fear. This does not help us or them. Most of the “What if” thoughts we have don’t happen. We play out all different scenarios and endings in our heads. “If he does this, I’ll do that” type of thinking is rarely productive. It is debilitating and paralyzing.
There are many actions you can take to relieve your mind from worry.
Prayer – God listens and cares
Counseling – talking helps
Reading a book – helps with changing the atmosphere in your mind
Going for a drive – seeing new things
Listening to positive Music – the words and genre matters
Exercise – going for a walk
Mindfulness – being in the moment
Watching a movie – changing the moment
No wonder God asks us to think about the good things and to be grateful. When we change our thoughts we change our actions. When we choose the good things to think about our feelings change. We begin to believe that good will come out of all things. There is hope my friend. Make a choice – to change your negative thought patterns and replace those old tapes with the Word of God today. It might be the beginning of a new life for you!
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.” – Philippians 4:8-9 NKJV
There are times when fear comes like a wave. Stand my friends, the King of Kings will give you peace no matter how high the waves get. God is with you in your times of trouble. He will speak to you in a quiet whisper in your heart. Listen, look to Him, pray, and believe that He is in the boat!
Today I sit in the waiting room of yet another hospital for another beloved family member. God is here – with us, in our midst. I close my eyes and remind myself that God has gone ahead of us to prepare the way. I remind myself that it was God who gave all these Drs and Nurses wisdom. I make a choice to trust God and His ways more than my own understanding. God is able to orchestrate this whole thing and bring healing to my family.
Thank you Lord for the peace that surpasses our own understanding. Thank you Lord for the operating and recovery room where you meet us and bind up all our wounds. Thank you Lord that your peace defeats any fear!
Wherever there is hope –
fear doesn’t work
It can’t live!
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” – Romans 8:15 NIV
Fear is something we all deal with. We are all still human here on this side of Heaven. It’s ok. We can talk about it. Some of us are afraid of the future, some are fearful of the past repeating itself, some are afraid of not having enough, some are afraid of failing, some are afraid of succeeding. But what do we do with it?
It is possible to overcome those fears. We don’t have to live in that paralyzed state forever. Acknowledging that we even have fear is the first step. Then it’s important to find someone to share your fears with. I have found that ignoring it doesn’t work very well. They say DENIAL is a pretty big river, lol! And God is greater than whatever you are facing today. He is our strength and our victory. He will empower us to overcome!
Here are some inspiring words from people who have gone before us to show the way to victory.
“FEAR NOT” FROM MUSICIANS
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” ― Jim Morrison
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ― John Lennon
“It frightens me, the awful truth, of how sweet life can be…” ― Bob Dylan
“FEAR NOT” FROM AUTHORS, MOVIES MOVIE STARS, AND PHILOSOPHERS
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.” ― Aristotle
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” ― Jack Canfield
“I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.” ― Oprah Winfrey
“I must say a word about fear. It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always … so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.” ― Yann Martel, Life of Pi
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. -Psalm 23:4
The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid? -Psalm 27:1
The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? -Psalm 118:6
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. -2 Timothy 1:7
You who fear him, trust in the LORD– he is their help and shield. -Psalm 115:11
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children. -Psalm 103:17
Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. -Psalm 112:1
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6
David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished. -1 Chronicles 28:20
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? -Psalm 56:3-4
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. -Isaiah 41:13
“Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. -Isaiah 54:4
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. -Matthew 10:28
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “”Abba,” Father.” -Romans 8:15
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. -1 Corinthians 16:13
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” -Hebrews 13:5-6
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.” -1 Peter 3:13-14
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. -1 John 4:18
This is a poem that I turned into a song that describes what it is like to live in Domestic Violence. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men live like this everyday. And also a video that some of my friends did with CSpan about helping those living in abuse. Help us Lord to break the yoke of oppression in their lives and shine Your Light into their darkness, in Jesus Name.
She looks in the mirror, seems vaguely familiar
like steam on the glass, shame covers her past
the fog slithers down, as evil surrounds
His worst fantasy, her reality
he pulls the strings, does unspeakable things
a sadistic entrance, for his acceptance
smothered by control, a tormented soul
trapped in his castle
her tears rolling mist, proof she exists
in snow white darkness
clouds of confusion, rolled into illusion
He veils perversion, forcing her coercion
her body he takes, while she flies away
unbelievable, she’s invisible
love is the shadow, that darkens her window
she’s crying for help, to escape her hell
smothered by control, a tormented soul
trapped in his castle
her tears rolling mist, proof she exists
in snow white darkness
she hides in the fog, drinks hair of the dog
hates her behavior, craves one to save her
smothered by control, a tormented soul
trapped in his castle
her tears rolling mist, proof she exists
in snow white darkness
“Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, To undo the heavy burdens, To let the oppressed go free, And that you break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; When you see the naked, that you cover him, And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ (Isaiah 58:6-9 NKJV)
This is also the title of my book – SNOW WHITE DARKNESS – Smothered by Control. It contains my journal entries from when I was living in abuse. Thank you Lord for deliverance for me and my children!
And here is the Album – available from GooglePlay. Thank you in advance for your love and support!
“And now for today’s prompt (optional, as always). Love poems are a staple of the poetry scene. It’s pretty hard to be a poet and not write a few – or a dozen – or maybe six books’ worth. But because so many love poems have been written, there are lots of clichés. Fill your poems with robins and hearts and flowers, and you’ll sound more like a greeting card than a bard. So today, I challenge you to write a “loveless” love poem. Don’t use the word love! And avoid the flowers and rainbows. And if you’re not in the mood for love? Well, the flip-side of the love poem – the break-up poem – is another staple of the poet’s repertoire. If that’s more your speed at present, try writing one of those, but again, avoid thunder, rain, and lines beginning with a plaintive “why”? Try to write a poem that expresses the feeling of love or lovelorn-ness without the traditional trappings you associate with the subject matter.”
Some days are gray for me. Some are full of sunshine and roses, and some days are not. Today is a day of running and bouncing from here to there. I am grateful, yet stressed. These past few months have been a battle that’s for sure. Sometimes fears and anxiety washes over me like a fog. Has this ever happened to you? I wish I had more control over my feelings. Is there a switch somewhere that I can turn on and off? I am tired today too, I know that doesn’t help. These are the days that I have to ‘eat’ the Word. Even if I’m not hungry. Even if I don’t ‘feel’ like it. I have faith – I just didn’t know I was going to get so many opportunities to use it, lol! Here’s a poem I wrote about how I feel today. I know I’ll have to share it with my counselor. I can hear her now…
Copyright 2015 Diana Rasmussen
Blue glass vase
Full of personal pieces
Shoved off the shelf
Free falling fears
Emergency crash landing
Shattering the container
In every direction
At the same time
God’s Word for You:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
My Prayer For You:
So many of us are battling depression, fear, and anxiety – me included. You know some days are good for us and some days are not. No matter how we feel Lord, we turn to You. You are greater than our hearts. You are greater than our feelings. You said you would not leave us – not during the good times, and not during the sad, anxious, and fearful times. We choose to hang on to You and trust that You have a plan. Yep, You are the tree and we are the kitty. Just hanging in there Lord. We cast our cares on You Lord – you said you wanted them, you can have them. And Lord, help us keep all our marbles in our vase, in Jesus Name!
Fear and anxiety are two things that we all have to deal with at some point. And I am amazed at the choices that we have to deal with them. Some people say fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. That may or may not be the case. But fear is also a warning sign that something is wrong. And to ignore it completely is not a healthy response, in my opinion. Imagine someone tried to hold you at gunpoint and you had no fear. Your choice might be to charge at the person, try and overtake them and you may hurt yourself and others in the process. Sometimes fear exists just to warn us that something is wrong. Ignoring or burying an emotion is not a good choice. I have learned this the hard way.
I used to bury my feelings all the time. Never talk about what I felt. It was too risky. When you live with a Narcissist Abuser any talk about your feelings or wants was met with arguments and screaming. Keeping my mouth shut was a learned response – but and unhealthy one. The thing about feelings is they just are. They may be based on true perceptions or faulty ones. But ignoring them and burying them does not help.
I have found that when I buried my fear it would come out in other ways. I would get a strange sickness or injury. Sometimes I would get bad headaches or muscle pains for no reason. It was like my fear was trying to talk in another way. I wonder if this is how people get sick.
I still remember the first time I went for help and the therapist showed me that face chart with all the feelings on it. She asked me how I felt that day. I had absolutely no idea – really. After ignoring my feelings for so long I really didn’t know. And the Abuser was not there to ask. Funny, how in an abusive relationship we even give up how we feel over to the power of the the Abuser. Sad. I see it now, but I didn’t see it then.
So, on my journey I started writing. It helped me figure out how I felt about anything. And gave me hope. And help me figure out that I did have choices. I didn’t have to ignore fear. I could talk about it. And then it lost it’s power. And my anxiety and fears were not monsters anymore – they were just feelings.
Here are some verses that helped me acknowledge my feelings and deal with them in a healthy way.
10 Power Scriptures for Anxiety and Fear
Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. (Philippians 4:6 AMP)
Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (1Peter 5:7 AMP)
Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice. (Isaiah 41:10 AMP)
And now, my daughter, fear not. I will do for you all you require, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of strength (worth, bravery, capability). (Ruth 3:11)
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. (2Timothy 1:7 AMP)
Now may the Lord of peace Himself grant you His peace (the peace of His kingdom) at all times and in all ways [under all circumstances and conditions, whatever comes]. The Lord [be] with you all. (2Thessalonians 3:16 AMP)
For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP)
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and [p]refresh your souls.]Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good—not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne. (Matthew 11: 28-30 AMP)
And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always]. (Colossians 3:15 AMP)
Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.] (John 14:27 AMP)
Music – love it, hate it, just can’t live without it. We were made to praise, to worship, and to love. Happy songs, sad songs, love songs, break up songs. We tell our stories in songs. Our lives are the lyrics – all the good parts, and all the ugly parts.
Who is your favorite Artist?
What is your favorite song?
For me that depends on the day. I confess, I am a music junkie. I listen to praise and worship. I listen to country, jazz, pop, folk, and even old time rock and roll. It really depends on the day for me. And I love listening to Indie music. Yeah, the songs the rest of us make. We may not make millions, but we tell our stories. And there is a truth in that.
I came across an interesting article today on Music and Healing from Psychology Today.
Yes music can heal. There is a movement that is using music to heal people with mental illness.They call it Music Therapy. On a physical level listening to music lowers blood pressure and reduces heart rates. Music is being used to treat people suffering from depression, suffering, and chronic pain. Now I know this is true from my own personal experience. And I didn’t “get it” until today, lol!
When I was in 3rd grade my mom made all of us kids take piano lessons. I love her for that. I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but I am grateful today. I played piano all through school and college. But then I got married – and the music stopped. Yeah, really. After college I didn’t buy a keyboard. I didn’t have a piano. And the clouds came. I lived in the land of shadows. It was like a piece of me was gone. Divorce, date a jerk, marry, divorce , date a jerk, marry, divorce- this went on for years. Still, no music.
I remember the darkest times in my life – after the divorces, after losing custody of my two older kids, after running away from state to state. When I look back now I realize that those were the times I did not have a keyboard/piano. I had no outlet. And the pain went from bad to worse with no escape. I ended up in the Psyc ward after a self-harming incident. And I was dating another Psycho at the time. Yep, even got to wear the “I love me” jacket after I tried to punch a cop!
After I got out of the Hospital my Therapist suggested I get a keyboard and play music again. I thought she was nuts (yeah, that’s funny!) but I did it anyway. I still remember playing it for that first time. I didn’t have any music books at this time, so I played the songs in the manual that came with the piano. It was like part of me woke up that day. And that’s the day things started turning around for me. Guess I had to play and sing my way out of the valley of trouble. I had to learn to sing in the dark.
Things are different today, thank you Jesus. My husband Bob and I play together all the time. Our treats to each other are new instruments. Seriously, every year we add at least 2 new instruments to our collection. We sing, we dance, and we play together. Now that’s restoration! Thank you Jesus!
Love is messy. It’s not for the faint at heart that’s for sure. And it’s not for the fault finders either. We are all still human and how we respond to someone’s mistake or weakness shows others how soft or how hard our heart is. As a parent I am still learning and growing. I make mistakes. And so do my kids. But I am learning to give them and me the same grace I give others. It’s so funny, I have bent over backwards helping others, yet I confess, I am not always the best mom. I am not always present in the moment. I mean, I try, but sometimes I get sidetracked, or take a wrong turn, or just check out. How about you?
So, this new year I have decided I need to give my family the same love and grace I give to a stranger. I am going to treat myself and my body with a new found love. No, I am not going new-age on you here. But I have to confess, once a girl is raped and abused – we see ourselves differently. We think we are dirty and trash. And this spirit of self-loathing sets in. Self-hatred. Destruction. Kill, steal, destroy yourself and your body. Those thoughts are not from God, and they are not healthy. They are a lie that the enemy has planted in my soul. And they are not true. It’s time to close this door.
How do you know if you have let this spirit live inside you? I came across an interesting Bible Study:
Here the Author shares about the anti-self bondages with reference to mental illness and health problems:
Henry Wright, who I consider highly knowledgeable and gifted in the area of physical and emotional healing, considers anti-self (self-unforgiveness, self-resentment, self-hate, self-rejection, etc.) issues as one of the major sources of many physical and mental health problems.
Now of course, we’re not saying that Satan and evil spirits don’t run rapid in witchcraft, Satanism, and so forth, but do you know why people get involved in many of those things? Rejection, for example, is one of the main forces that push our youth right into Satanism. Rebellion and insecurity are among the forces that push people into witchcraft (power and manipulation, control, etc.). If you take away the doorways (rejection, insecurity, rebellion, self-hate, unforgiveness, and so forth), then I have to seriously question if Satanism, witchcraft and the ‘heavier’ things would even have a chance!
Today I cast off the enemies plans for myself and my body. I accept God’s plans for me and my family. All things work together for good, and God says He has thoughts and plans for me, for good and not for evil. And today, I am shutting the door to the enemy! No more self-hatred. No more self-loathing. No more destruction, in Jesus Name.
Now I do not know Henry Wright – I haven’t really heard anything about him. But I do know that this makes sense. So I did a little more digging. In this video he says that 80% of all disease has a common problem – and that is lack of love. It involves separation – separation from God. Especailly from God as Father. I know I have not really known God as Father. Lord, show me more…
I am taking back my life. I confess, and I repent.
She may be sitting next to you, or in the cubicle down the hall. The quiet girl who came in late today. Tear stains ran down her creek, and she was wearing sun glasses. Last time that happened it was because she had a black eye. Do you approach her? What do you say? Do you just look away and mind your own business? With current statistics 1/4 women and 1/6 men are living in domestic violence. And they are trying to hold down a job to the best of their ability. It is a situation that we must approach. We can no longer afford to just ignore her. It is time for our Employers to offer assistance when someone is being stalked. It IS happening at work too!
I know for me, that was one of my ex’s favorite things to do – call me 20 times in an hour to harass me. Or suddenly stop in and make a big scene in front of my coworkers. It was so embarrassing. I have even quit jobs just to get away from him. My boss knew what was happening – yet did nothing.
As employers we have EAP programs (Employee Assistance Programs) to help with drug addictions, alcohol addictions, counseling, health issues, aging parents, maternity leaves, medical leaves, etc. but my question is – where is everyone when a woman is getting stalked at work? Nobody wants to talk to her or help her escape. Nobody wants to help her form an escape plan and look for housing for her and her children. For me, I just got reprimanded for being late, missing work, etc. Perhaps your experience was different.
Today I challenge all the companies and corporations out there. Stop ignoring the abused worker in your workplace. Let’s stop the silence. The stress they are living under is unbearable. It is affecting them and their work. They need this job, and they need some support. Help them escape instead.
Domestic violence affects productivity and increases absenteeism:
24% of women between the ages of 18 and 65 have experienced domestic violence (EDK Associates, The Many Faces of Domestic Violence and its Impact on the Workplace, 1997).
74% of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while at work. This caused 56% of them to be late for work at least five times a month, 28% to leave early at least five days a month, and 54% to miss at least three full days of work a month.
The total health care costs of family violence are estimated in the hundreds of millions each year, much of which is paid for by the employer. 44% of executives surveyed say that that domestic violence increases their health care costs (Pennsylvania Blue Shield Institute, Social Problems and Rising Health Care Costs in Pennsylvania, pp. 3-5, 1992).
47% of senior executives polled said that domestic violence has a harmful effect on the company’s productivity (Roper Starch Worldwide Study for Liz Claiborne, Inc., 1994).
71% of EAP providers surveyed have dealt with an employee being stalked at work by a current of former partner, and 83% have assisted an employee with a restraining order.
78% of Human Resources professionals polled by Personnel Journal said that domestic violence is a workplace issue (April, 1995, page 65).
94% of Corporate Security Directors surveyed rank domestic violence as a high security problem at their company. National Safe Workplace Institute survey, as cited in “Talking Frankly About Domestic Violence,” Personnel Journal, April, 1995, page 64).