Tag: mental-health

You Want Me to Write That Down? Struggling with CBT Homework.

I admit it. I am back in therapy trying to get my body under control. I am seeing a NeuroPsychiatirst. Now that is a mouthful. The Neurologist sent me there for the tremors and seizures I have been having. They call it FND or Functional Neurological Disorder.

I have found there are multiple ways to treat this. First – they send us to psychiatrity if we have ever had any trauma or abuse in your past. I laughed when they asked me that. I mean I could be the poster child for trauma and abuse, lol! The plan is to reprogram my brain with CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Yeah, I had to look that one up.

According to the Mayo Clinic:

“Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type of talk therapy (psychotherapy). You work with a mental health counselor (psychotherapist or therapist) in a structured way, attending a limited number of sessions. CBT helps you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them in a more effective way.

CBT can be a very helpful tool ― either alone or in combination with other therapies ― in treating mental health disorders, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or an eating disorder. But not everyone who benefits from CBT has a mental health condition. CBT can be an effective tool to help anyone learn how to better manage stressful life situations.”

Secondly, there is a place in Kentucky that offers an inpatient program for CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Kind of the same as the first option, but on steroids.

Lastly, I read of a place in Florida where they take Ultrasound waves and the MRI machine and kill the brain cells that cause motor disorders. Unfortunately, cost is $25,000 and they don’t take insurance. Dang.

I guess I’ll stick with door #1. I see the Dr. once every 2 weeks and I have homework. I have been avoiding it. I am learning about triggers and what happens when I have a seizure/tremors. I have been told I have to identify them and then we get to rewrite the script in my brain.

So, what I am stalling on – writing down the negative thoughts that go through my head in a day.

Wow, I had no idea. It’s hard when you have to think about what you are thinking about. Examine the thought – is it true? What is the evidence? It hurts my head just thinking about it. Seriously, you want me to write that down? Ugggh. I hope I don’t crawl into crazy doing it.

I am not a touchy feely girl. I don’t like emotions. Most of the time I just shove them down into a box to deal with later. I am a great compartmentalizer. Shove it in a box, do what you gotta do at the moment, and bury that box deep down so nobody can ever find it. I don’t want to open that box and relive all that pain. Is this really gonna work? Is it worth it?

Hey God, I know you can renew my thoughts as I read your Word and listen and pray to You. Can you just flip the switch up there? It would be so much easier than this homework!

What about you? Have you ever had to do this? Did it work?

 

FND

Here is a great video about FND:

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Crawl Into Crazy

Well, here I sit. 55 years old and back in therapy. My Neurologist asked if I had ever experienced any trauma or abuse. I just laughed. Only my whole life, lol. Then I said, “Yes.” He referred me to a Psychiatrist for evaluation. Here is a poem I wrote thinking about things.

source: photo.nofussdigital.co.uk

CRAWL INTO CRAZY

– Copyright 2019 Diana Rasmussen

I walk through the door and thought all was well

until the Dr came in with that look on his face

He sat down and said, “well it doesn’t look good.”

I froze and prayed God I’m gonna need some grace

My mind is racing all I think is, ” How can I just be free?”

I don’t want to hear what he says

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

I know this never-ending numbness

it’s when I shut down

I bow my head and pray

to God for a miracle instead

My tears fall to the floor

as I sit and rock like a baby

God show me your grace

before I crawl into crazy

The Dr told me there would be more tests

not sure know how long it will take to find out the cause

I’m googling every symptom I thought I could see

I want to know what is the matter with me

I’m fighting with fear of what it might be

I didn’t ask to be sick, I don’t want to be here

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

Crazy is the box that whispers her name

gets her to crawl in

only to slam down the lid

Please God help me now

don’t let me crawl into crazy

I prayed and asked God “why, why is this happening to me?”

He stretches out His arm, takes my hand and says, “Just walk with Me.”

He covers me with His mercy and grace as we walk through the door

God’ s gonna make sure I don’t crawl into crazy.

 

 

Why We Need to Renew Our Minds – Dealing With Anxiety

Not every thought is good. Not every thought should be acted upon. With the prevalence of depression and anxiety in our culture, there are ways to intervene. I have been there. I have had situational depression and have been treated for anxiety. So have many  members of my immediate family and many friends too.

According to the ADAA (Anxiety and Depression Society of America)

Did You Know?

  • Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18% of the population. (Source: National Institute of Mental Health)
  • Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only about one-third of those suffering receive treatment.
  • Anxiety disorders cost the U.S. more than $42 billion a year, almost one-third of the country’s $148 billion total mental health bill, according to “The Economic Burden of Anxiety Disorders,” a study commissioned by ADAA (The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry,60(7), July 1999).
    • More than $22.84 billion of those costs are associated with the repeated use of health care services; people with anxiety disorders seek relief for symptoms that mimic physical illnesses.
  • People with an anxiety disorder are three to five times more likely to go to the doctor and six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders than those who do not suffer from anxiety disorders.
  • Anxiety disorders develop from a complex set of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events.

We are made up of body, soul, and spirit. When our soul is overwhelmed many times our thinking is not based on truth. Worry and fear overtake our thoughts and we spin in a cycle that is not healthy. Sometimes we even believe lies about ourselves or others. When that happens we are often feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Feelings are fickle, they come and go. And just because we ‘feel’ something doesn’t mean that it is true. Feelings can lie. Especially when they are not based on truth.

This is not the life that God has intended for us. Jesus came to bring life and bring it more abundantly. The enemy is the one who is trying to get you to give up on yourself or others. And he is the father of lies.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2

There may be many causes. It may be due to a physical lack of chemicals in our brains. It may be emotional – there may be trauma or abuse that needs to be healed. Or it may be spiritual – we may be believing lies from the enemy of our souls.

In my experience I have dealt with all three. I have had to learn to change my thinking and take every thought captive. And I have used the Word of God, along with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to change the way I think. God gave us Doctors. Jesus is called the Great Physician. God gave us wisdom and knowledge in the medical fields. And I for one, am for getting help on all the levels I need.

According to NHS Choices:

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave.

It is most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but can be useful for other mental and physical health problems.

CBT cannot remove your problems, but it can help you deal with them in a more positive way. It is based on the concept that your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and actions are interconnected, and that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle.

And the Word of God will renew our thoughts and attitudes towards ourselves and others. Not every thought is good. Not every thought should be entertained. Not every thought should be given life.

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10:3-5

It has been said that as a man thinketh so  he becomes. If you continually tell yourself you are stupid – you will act stupid. If you tell yourself you will overcome – you will overcome. Our self-talk has amazing results, either for the good or the bad. Change the way you see yourself and you will change your thoughts. And with new thoughts, you will change your actions.  I had to use all the resources available to me. That included the Dr, the Therapist, and the Word of God.

Get help today. Your life – the abundant life that you want – is one truth and one choice away.

 

 

Here are Some Free Downloadable Flashcards that I made to help you if you are battling anxiety or depression. Simply click on the picture and it will bring you to my Quizlet page. You can download these or even have them read to you – there is audio!

 ANXIETY BIBLE VERSES

(Click to download)

Flashcards for Anxiety and Depression

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Image source -Pinterest)

 

Predatory People and Toxic Relationships

My rant to a harassing person from my past that will not respect my NO:

Not everyone is our friend. There are those people who are alongside the Enemy and just wish to kill, steal, and destroy. There is good, and there is evil. Learning to discern the difference between the two has been a journey for me. Evil people don’t wear horns and carry pitchforks. Sometimes they dress and act just like you and pretend to be a friend. So you try to help. Invite them in. And wonder why you got bit from the wolf 6 months later! There are Predatory People out there.

 The Bible teaches us that you will know a tree by its fruit. And some trees are bad. No amount of tlc will change it. Learning that I am not the Savior was a hard lesson for me. I kept getting myself into toxic relationships with Drama Kings and Queens until I learned to say NO. 

No, You don’t get to pretend to be my friend and stab me in the back at the same time. 

No, I will not allow you to treat me disrespectfully time after time and pretend it never happened. 

No, don’t expect me to believe a word that you say when all I hear are lies. 

No, you are not my friend and I do not have to let you back into my life. 

For the dog that keeps knocking on my door and trying to bully their way back in – NO. 

   
I forgave you, God commands me to do that. That doesn’t mean you get to come over and have lunch like nothing happened. God also gives us wisdom. 

Forgiveness does not mean that I accept what you did to me and my family. IT WAS WRONG. And you treated many others in your life the same way. I can’t believe we all believed the same lies. Wouldn’t you at least change your story? Playing the same ‘ruse’ is so sad. 

Forgiveness means that I trust God to deal with you. I am not your Savior. He is. I will not ‘tie’ myself to you in friendship. You do not know what that word means. Nor do I think you even care. In my opinion you are a Narcissist. All about you, all the time. They have real counselors that may be able to help you with that. Not me. Not my job.

I tried to help, but you only used that as an opportunity to attack. I will protect myself and my family from Predators. And I respect myself  and my family enough to say NO. 

Stop harassing me. No more emails, no more friend requests to me or my children, no more stopping by to damage anything where I live. Go live your life and leave me and my family out of it. 

  
  

(Image credits- simple reminders.com, ilovemylsi.com, Pinterst)

the semicolon project

It’s time we talk about this Church.

20% of youth ages 13-18 are suffering from a mental condition, aka depression or anxiety. Over 18% of us suffer from Anxiety alone according to NAMI.

This is one of the most honest posts I have read about what it feels like to live like this.

How are we helping?

 

 

Why?

Suicide Prevention Awareness Day is today.  I looked up some info on TWLOA (To Write Love On Her Arms)

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Here is an excerpt from Newsweek and http://twloha.com/news/newsweek-covers-suicide-epidemic•

  • “Throughout the developed world … [suicide] is now the leading cause of death for people 15 to 49, surpassing all cancers and heart disease.”
  • “In the last two decades … there’s been a 37 percent increase in the years of life lost to clinical depression, anxiety, alcohol and drug abuse, and other disorders of the mind …”
  • “The suicide rate for Americans 45 to 64 has jumped more than 30 percent in the last decade …”
  • “[Suicide] now takes more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined.”

Why?

By Rascal Flatts

You must have been in a
Place so dark
You couldn’t feel the light
Reachin’ for you through
That stormy cloud
Now here we are
Gathered in our little hometown
This can’t be the way
You meant to draw a crowd

[Chorus]
Oh why, that’s what I keep asking
Was there anything I could’ve
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song

Now in my mind I’ll keep you frozen
As a seventeen-year-old
Rounding third to score the
Winning run
You always played with passion
No matter what the game
When you took the stage
You’d shine just like the sun

[Chorus]
Oh why, that’s what I keep asking
Was there anything I could’ve
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song

Now the oak trees are swaying
In the early autumn breeze
A golden sun is shining on my face
Through tangled thoughts
I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain’t that
Bad of a place

Oh why, there’s no comprehending
And who am I to try to
Judge or explain
Oh, but I do have one
Burning question
Who told you life wasn’t
Worth the fight
They were wrong, they lied
Now you’re gone and we cry
‘Cause it’s not like you to
Walk away
In the middle of a song

Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song

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Hypnotized

Hypnotized

Copyright 2013 Diana Rasmussen
image
She looked at him
stars in her eyes
She was  mesmerized
and hypnotized
Ignoring the signs
worshiped the ground
that he walked on
*
When they’d  go out
She’d dress up nice
just to keep the peace
Wanted to please
his Royal Highness
he said she’s wrong
and strung her along
*
He criticized
and minimized
He always disproved
Her every move
Just joking around
He justified
Words cutting her down
*
Friends tried to help
Her escape hell
Open her eyes to
abusive rule
He hit her again
Police came then
truth she can now see
*
Insanity
Depravity
The end of abuse
Now she can choose
Her future looks bright
Without his fright
There is peace at last
 From thefellowshipsite.org

Why “Prayers and Promises”?

Daily Prompt: All About Me

Explain why you chose your blog’s title and what it means to you.

from facebook.com“Prayers and Promises” came to be when God spoke to me and asked me to ‘quit playing church’.  I didn’t grow up in church. It wasn’t till I was 30-40 something that I even cared.  And, like many other groups I went to,  I changed my mask to fit in when I first came.  We all want to belong.  They wore skirts, so I did too. They didn’t cut their hair or wear make-up, so I didn’t either.  Well, that didn’t last very long, a few years.  Then I got tired of the daily battle of what to wear each day. It was time for me to quit pretending. I grew up on a farm.  I am me with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  I felt like David in the Kings armor – it didn’t fit right.  I spoke to the Pastor, stepped ‘down’ from the music ministry, and put my jeans back on.  He wasn’t too pleased when I told him, “God made me naked, so I don’t think He cares.”  Well, lets just say we parted ways.

There are times when I have wanted to fit in so badly, that I would do whatever anyone wanted.  I had no voice, or if I did, I didn’t use it.  I had no boundaries.  Yep, a real doormat. And since I did not put value on myself, I attracted people who did not value me either.  You get what you project.  When I saw myself as worthless, I attracted people who would treat me that way.  When I saw myself as weak, I attracted people who would dominate me. My vision of myself really needed to change.from versaday.com

My blog shares my journey to wellness, to healing, to Jesus.  I went to about 10-15 years of 12 step meetings.  Yes, everyday I would say, “My name is Diana, and I am a ________”.   The meetings helped me realize I was not alone, but the vision was “once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, or once an addict always an addict.” That wasn’t what I wanted; it left me with the vision that I would always be “a victim, an addict, a drunk, etc.” That wasn’t freedom to me. I wanted more.

Then I went to therapy.  Another 10-15 years on and off. And lots of meds.  Took the edge off, but they always wanted to know “whats wrong with you today?”.  There was always something wrong. Let’s talk about it…  Again, it helped me on my journey to get the skeletons out of the closet, but I wanted more.  I wanted to be whole and well.  The past was over, yes I could learn from it, but I didn’t want to live there.

Alas, then I went to the church.  And that’s another story.  There were sick people and well people there too.  But I did find one thing there that I didn’t find anywhere else.  God’s Word, and Jesus.  I would read things like “Jesus came to deliver the sick and heal them ALL.”  I wanted that, healing. I wanted to be well.  I wanted the “Prayers and Promises” that God said I could have.  I wanted the Promises/Prayers to be real.  I wanted to see those words come to pass in my life. And I still do, but now I want them to come true for more than just me.  I want them to come true for my husband, for my children, my family, my friends, the church, the nations, and the world!

My life verse:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am still learning what God has promised me.  I am still learning who God made me to be.  I am still learning who He is. But I am growing, and I have hope today.  I am not sitting in a fetal position and rocking myself behind a locked door today.  I am not in jail, in the hospital, strung out, drunk, or messed up today.  I am peaceful, and hopeful, and enjoying the path to wholeness that God has provided. I have found LIFE, I have found HOPE, I have found HEALING – thank you Jesus! Yes, I have bumps in the road, but at least today I am going in the right direction. 🙂

from tumblr.com