Category: behavior

You Want Me to Write That Down? Struggling with CBT Homework.

I admit it. I am back in therapy trying to get my body under control. I am seeing a NeuroPsychiatirst. Now that is a mouthful. The Neurologist sent me there for the tremors and seizures I have been having. They call it FND or Functional Neurological Disorder.

I have found there are multiple ways to treat this. First – they send us to psychiatrity if we have ever had any trauma or abuse in your past. I laughed when they asked me that. I mean I could be the poster child for trauma and abuse, lol! The plan is to reprogram my brain with CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Yeah, I had to look that one up.

According to the Mayo Clinic:

“Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type of talk therapy (psychotherapy). You work with a mental health counselor (psychotherapist or therapist) in a structured way, attending a limited number of sessions. CBT helps you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them in a more effective way.

CBT can be a very helpful tool ― either alone or in combination with other therapies ― in treating mental health disorders, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or an eating disorder. But not everyone who benefits from CBT has a mental health condition. CBT can be an effective tool to help anyone learn how to better manage stressful life situations.”

Secondly, there is a place in Kentucky that offers an inpatient program for CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Kind of the same as the first option, but on steroids.

Lastly, I read of a place in Florida where they take Ultrasound waves and the MRI machine and kill the brain cells that cause motor disorders. Unfortunately, cost is $25,000 and they don’t take insurance. Dang.

I guess I’ll stick with door #1. I see the Dr. once every 2 weeks and I have homework. I have been avoiding it. I am learning about triggers and what happens when I have a seizure/tremors. I have been told I have to identify them and then we get to rewrite the script in my brain.

So, what I am stalling on – writing down the negative thoughts that go through my head in a day.

Wow, I had no idea. It’s hard when you have to think about what you are thinking about. Examine the thought – is it true? What is the evidence? It hurts my head just thinking about it. Seriously, you want me to write that down? Ugggh. I hope I don’t crawl into crazy doing it.

I am not a touchy feely girl. I don’t like emotions. Most of the time I just shove them down into a box to deal with later. I am a great compartmentalizer. Shove it in a box, do what you gotta do at the moment, and bury that box deep down so nobody can ever find it. I don’t want to open that box and relive all that pain. Is this really gonna work? Is it worth it?

Hey God, I know you can renew my thoughts as I read your Word and listen and pray to You. Can you just flip the switch up there? It would be so much easier than this homework!

What about you? Have you ever had to do this? Did it work?

 

FND

Here is a great video about FND:

Related Links:

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What Do You Do When Your Plan Gets Interrupted?

What do you do when your plan gets interrupted? It may be due to a job change, an illness, a change in circumstances, or whatever. How do you respond? I find myself in that exact situation now. An illness has interrupted my normal everyday life and I find myself at a crossroads.

Here are the three ways people can respond to change according to Success Magazine:

  1. Be Non Active – people resist change and blame and stay stuck
  2. Be Reactive – people jump into the next crisis without thinking things through
  3. Be ProActive and Positive – people put their focus on what they could do, focused on the positive outcomes and took action

I have to admit, I have been the Reactive Person most of my life. I have jumped from crisis to crisis trying to fix everyone and everything and it usually turns into a trainwreck. I never had a problem finding a job – I would take the first one that came along. I always was a bit impulsive.

This illness has forced me to slow down and re-evaluate my life and my job and my family. My kids are all grown and working or going to college now. My Mom duties have diminished and I struggle with the Empty Nest syndrome as well. I am not sure what to do next. I pray and ask God for direction, and then sit here and wait. I have been out of work since last November and on Disability. It is very strange for me. I have worked my whole life on and off with kids. I struggle with trying to keep busy while living within the limits of what I can do currently. I have to fight off the spirit of depression and anxiety in the middle of this mess.

I am back in Therapy to learn some new tools for my toolbox for keeping myself well. We are body, soul, and spirit. I haven’t really taken the best care of myself. It was so easy to put everyone else first when you are the Mom.

How about you? Have you ever had your life interrupted? How did you respond?

God’s Word for You:

Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 NKJV

isaiah_41_10_by_kc_lynne-d4iq28r

My Prayer for You:

Lord, I have absoluetly no idea why I am here. I was not ready for this interruption –  yet I choose to trust You in the proccess. Show me Your ways. Lead me in the path of understanding. I trust You Lord to lead me through this valley and on to the other side where my cup overflows and I sit in green pastures of peace, in Jesus Name.

Isaiah 55:8

 

 

 

 

 

Crawl Into Crazy

Well, here I sit. 55 years old and back in therapy. My Neurologist asked if I had ever experienced any trauma or abuse. I just laughed. Only my whole life, lol. Then I said, “Yes.” He referred me to a Psychiatrist for evaluation. Here is a poem I wrote thinking about things.

source: photo.nofussdigital.co.uk

CRAWL INTO CRAZY

– Copyright 2019 Diana Rasmussen

I walk through the door and thought all was well

until the Dr came in with that look on his face

He sat down and said, “well it doesn’t look good.”

I froze and prayed God I’m gonna need some grace

My mind is racing all I think is, ” How can I just be free?”

I don’t want to hear what he says

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

I know this never-ending numbness

it’s when I shut down

I bow my head and pray

to God for a miracle instead

My tears fall to the floor

as I sit and rock like a baby

God show me your grace

before I crawl into crazy

The Dr told me there would be more tests

not sure know how long it will take to find out the cause

I’m googling every symptom I thought I could see

I want to know what is the matter with me

I’m fighting with fear of what it might be

I didn’t ask to be sick, I don’t want to be here

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

Crazy is the box that whispers her name

gets her to crawl in

only to slam down the lid

Please God help me now

don’t let me crawl into crazy

I prayed and asked God “why, why is this happening to me?”

He stretches out His arm, takes my hand and says, “Just walk with Me.”

He covers me with His mercy and grace as we walk through the door

God’ s gonna make sure I don’t crawl into crazy.

 

 

Learning to Deal with Grief – What Are Your Stressors?

I recently have been visiting many Doctors to figure out what is going on with me. One of them asked, ” What are your stressors?” It took me a few days to figure this out. My family life is good. What else could stress me? Then it hit me, I hate loss.

Here is part of the letter I sent my Doctor:

I have a hard time with loss ever since 2012. In Jan of 2012 my Mother in law passed away from Cancer. In Feb of 2012 I broke my leg and lost my job. In Sept of 2012 my Mom passed away from Cancer. In the spring of 2013 we went through a foreclosure due to my lost income. This has affected how I perceive the world.

This past year my sister in law was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She has undergone Chemotherapy and will start Radiation in May. My heart breaks for her and what she is having to go through.

My best friends have lost 2 of their children in the last 15 months. My heart breaks for them too. How do you go on after that? Lord, help us all.

In my job, we have a 60% turnover rate. I am losing friends all the time – they leave or go to another department. It makes us afraid to open up and get too close to each other. Too many people leaving all the time.

When my Peripheral Neuropathy started I had just got promoted. I couldn’t feel my legs while I was doing the training. It was 8 hours on my feet. I was afraid I was going to lose my job. I provide insurance for my family. I was afraid I would lose our insurance, so I pushed through the pain. Not a good idea. It really made things worse. I had to turn down the Training Position I was offered due to the inability to stand. This was a teaching position that I really wanted, and I lost that too.

I guess I am afraid of losing my job and losing my health this year.

We all face loss. We all grieve. I can tell you I really don’t like this whole process. I am not really a touchy, feely kind of girl. I find freedom when I write.

They say there are 5 stages to grief. I think I am stuck somewhere:

  1. denial
  2. anger
  3. bargaining
  4. depression
  5. acceptance Proverbs3

I think it’s #4 – Depression. I think I am just stuck here.  I have been on short term disability since November of last year. I have no idea if I will be able to go back to work. I have so many Doctors and so many tests. They have said I have this, that, and the other thing. Blah, blah, blah – I am so sick of this. Doesn’t matter. God is greater.

I want my friend’s kids back, I want my sister’s health back. I want my body back. I want my health back. I want that Training job. It just isn’t fair. And I have absolutely NO CONTROL over any of this! That’s probably what I am wrestling with.

How do you deal with loss?

Job

14 Quotes on Fear and What to Do with It

Fear. We have all felt it. That paralyzing monster who stops us in our tracks. It comes from different places and each of us have different things that we are fearful of. Dread, terror, fright, dread – you know. But what do we do when we feel afraid?

fear is a liar

14 Quotes on Fear and What to Do with It

  1. Fear can paralyze us and keep us from believing God and stepping out in faith. The devil loves a fearful Christian! – Billy Graham
  2. You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. – Eleanor Roosevelt
  3. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. -Jack Canfield
  4. Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter. -Francis Chan
  5. Don’t allow fear to hold you hostage, let your faith rest in God! – Lisa Osteen Comes
  6. I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. – Nelson Mandela
  7. If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. – Dale Carnegie
  8. Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. -Yoda
  9. Fear is the thief of opportunity! God hasn’t given you a spirit of fear, but He’s given you power, love and a sound mind. Be bold because He is with you! – Victoria Osteen
  10. The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist. – Steven Pressfield
  11. The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but it is fear. -Gandhi
  12. Fear is a sickness. – Peter Nii Korley
  13. He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  14. Have no fear, God knows what He is doing. What was meant for evil, He will use to make Himself glorified IN YOU. That means, their evil plans will not work. You’re coming out of this. – Paul A. Adefarasin

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior – Isaiah 43:1-3 NKJV

afraid

Some People Are Just Psycho

I turned on the news this morning and the broadcasters are still searching for the “why”. Why did that man shoot all this people in Las Vegas? We may never know. They are interviewing the brother, the girlfriend, etc. We hear stories of how his dad was a bank robber and stuff.

Can I just say, there is no “why” –  because some people are just plain psycho.

Serial killers do not have a logical reason for doing what they do, they are psycho. Their brains are just plain messed up. Things are not working right upstairs. There is no right or wrong in their mind, they are Narcissists. In their mind they are God. They have no moral compass, no sense of regret or remorse, and nothing will make sense to us.  There is no logical reason for what they do. Their heats are hard and cold and dark.

How does this happen? All sorts of reasons I am sure.  That doesn’t excuse what they do. Wrong is wrong and we have justice for a reason. Our courts and jails are full of many psychos, they are just not right. Normal people do not just kill people. Normal people don’t have that many guns, or sneak them up to a hotel suite.  Normal poeple  would not kill all those other people like that.  God knows, God saw, and God will take care of that killer.

God’s Wrath on Unrighteousness

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,  because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them.  For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,  because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened.  – Romans 1:18-21 NKJV

evil

Here are the traits of what a Psychopath looks like:

psychopath

Dear Lord, be with the victims, and their families. Give them peace and healing and hope. You know how we hate tragedy. We have evil just like you Lord. You know, fix it Lord, in Jesus name, amen.

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness is Not a Natural Thing for Most People

I was watching Longmire reruns when I heard this line, “Forgiveness is not a natural thing for most people.” That is true. When we get rejected or laughed at or betrayed it is not the first thought that comes to mind.

We are human after all. The first thought is more like:

  • I’m gonna get you for that
  • I will never forgive you
  • It’s over 
  • I will never trust you ever again 
  • I can’t wait to get my revenge

No wonder Jesus had so much to say about forgiveness. 

Have you ever met someone who refuses to forgive someone? They are angry, they are bitter, and they are stuck. You know, they repeat the same old story about how somebody wronged them every time you see them. They refuse to let it go. They gossip, they cut others down, and they stir up drama – all to get the focus off themselves. They blame everybody for everything. It’s sad really. You know they are miserable.

I have known people who harden their hearts and develop a root of bitterness. Roots grow deep. Once this happens they lose their joy and hope. You can’t tell them anything because they don’t want to hear it. They poison the lives of those they touch. They bring strife, division, and even hatred.

Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; – Hebrews 12:14-15 NKJV

So what should we do? 

  1. Repent of any unforgiveness in our hearts. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind those we have not yet forgiven.
  2. Forgive them and forgive yourself for holding on to it. 
  3. Pray for the person you had a resentment against. Yes, pray for them. Ask God to bless them. Then you will be free of it. 
  4. Trust God to deal with it. “Vengeance is mine says the Lord, I will repay.” Let God take care of it. Trust Him to make it right.

What they did may be wrong. But so you really want to be stuck there forever? Do you really want to be tied to that wrong forever? God can’t deal with them or make it right until you let it go. 

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” – Matthew 6:14-15

Sometimes You Have to Laugh and Get Your Giggle On!

Laughter – they call it medicine. It has been proven to help people get over illnesses, change negative thought patterns, and bring healing!

Psalms 126:2

“Then our mouths were filled with laughter; our tongues sang for joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord had done great things for them.

Benefits of Laughter

  • Reduces stress hormones
  • Lowers your blood pressure
  • Increases oxygen levels to your organs
  • Increases memory
  • Boosts immune system
  • Increases creativity
  • Increases intelligence
  • Decreases pain
  • Improves sleep
  • Releases endorphin’s so you feel better
  • Helps fight cancer
  • Improves depression

Feeling stressed?

Overwhelmed?

Depressed?

Put on a comedy show, spend some time with a friend or family.

Shake it off and get your giggle on!

Psalm 118:24

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Finding Freedom After Being a People Pleaser

I admit it. I used to be a people pleaser. It was bad. I had no self confidence so I would be whoever just to fit in. It’s funny now. I look back at pictures of myself and think;

  • Hey there is Diana the Yuppie.
  • Hey there is Diana the Biker.
  • Hey there is Diana the Bum
  • Hey there is Diana the Church Lady.
  • Hey where did Diana go?

My clothes would change, my hair would change, my makeup would change all depending on who I was trying to be. There lies the problem. I was a chameleon with absolutely no idea what I looked like.

I needed a new compass. I needed a new map. I was lost. Have you ever felt that way? Like you have lost yourself trying to please other people? Yeah, me too.

The turning point in my life was when I started reading the Bible. It’s like the shackles came off and I could finally start to find out who I really was. Who God said I was. 

 “The Lord your God is in your midst, A Warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with joy; He will be quiet in His love [making no mention of your past sins], He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. – Zephaniah 3:17 AMP

Finally I can let go of other people’s opinion of me. Hallelujah bless God! God made us in His image and He called it VERY GOOD!

Then God said, “Let Us (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) make man in Our image, according to Our likeness [not physical, but a spiritual personality and moral likeness]; and let them have complete authority over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the cattle, and over the entire earth, and over everything that creeps and crawls on the earth.” 

So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them. 

And God blessed them [granting them certain authority] and said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subjugate it [putting it under your power]; and rule over (dominate) the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and every living thing that moves upon the earth.” 

God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good and He validated it completely. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day. – Genesis 1:26-28,31 AMP

Gratitude is a Magnet for Miracles

Have you ever played with a magnet? It draws metal to it by its nature. It doesn’t have to think about it, do something special or do anything to earn it. it just does it, because that is what it was created to do.

Gratitude is a Magnet for Miracles!


Are you grateful today? If not, make a new choice today. Choose gratitude and watch and see what God will do!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 | NIV

Gratitude dispels fear and anxiety. Gratitude makes room for God to work!

Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 | NIV

(All pictures from Pinterest)

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

-Copyright 2016 Diana Rasmussen-

Forgiveness-Relationship-Quotes-500x375

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that I accept what you did to me

Forgiveness means I let go of taking vengeance against you

Forgiveness means I trust my God to deal with you because He told me, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.”

Forgiveness means I don’t have to think about you or what you did to me

Forgiveness means I am free from your prison of pain

Forgiveness means I can move on and go forward

Forgiveness frees me to be who God made me to be, regardless of what you do or don’t do

Forgiveness gives me the freedom to pray for you

Forgiveness let’s me be me

Forgiveness frees my Father in Heaven to forgive me

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. – Matthew 6:14-15 NIV

forgiveness (1)

 

Let Go of Fear

I recently watched a  movie and heard this quote.

Fear is the path to the dark side. 

Fear leads to anger. 

Anger leads to hate. 

Hate leads to suffering.

– The Phantom Menace

That one got me. Fear is the path to the dark side. Yep. When I revel in fear I am choosing to ignore God and His promises to me. When I choose fear over faith I am choosing to believe that God can’t or won’t help me. I am choosing disbelief.

Now I know I don’t know everything. I need help. I need direction. I need to exercise my faith. When fear comes up upon me I have learned I have two choices:

  1. I can feed my fear. Run the “what if?” questions over and over in my mind. When I do this fear turns to terror and I freeze. I shut down and lose faith in God and myself. Then I get angry at everyone and everything. My vision gets distorted and I lose hope.
  2. I can choose to believe that God will help me. I can choose to believe that He is the God of the impossible and it doesn’t even need to make sense to me. It does not have to be logical or even realistic. He is the God of miracles and I can choose to take Him at his Word and believe that He will help me through it. I can choose faith.

What about you?

How do you let fear go?

 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you,Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ – Isaiah 41:10