You may be like me. Feeling like a grain of sand of the beach. Buried in all the other grains of sand on the beach – feeling like a Nobody. But can I tell you, that is not who you are. God made you a Somebody. You matter. You have a purpose and a plan in this life.
Enlarge your vision. Like a pebble that makes waves when it hits the water, you are making a difference in the lives of those you touch. You matter. You were born for such a time as this. Your story is not over, God is not finished with you yet.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey of becoming. Your were made to give light and love to all you meet. You carry in you the hope of glory. You are a special treasure and the apple of God’s eye. Rest in who He says you are – beloved, treasured, loved, and chosen.
What is one way to make sure you never succeed? One way to be sure you will never be happy? One way to ensure that you will never have enough? Do you have a fear of failing? Do you have a fear of succeeding?
REFUSING TO FORGIVE YOURSELF
Do you feel you have to be perfect?
Do you beat yourself up if you ever make a mistake?
Do you call yourself names?
You may be your own worst enemy. YOU may be the one bringing yourself down the wrong path. And by refusing to receive the good things God has in store for you, you may undermine your own success. Holding onto unrealistic expectations of yourself will bring:
Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating in the face of weight concerns, and self-injury such as cutting. These acts may seem helpful in the moment, but ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly.
So what do we do if we admit that this is a problem? Make a new choice – today. Forgive yourself for unrealistic expectations. We ALL make mistakes. And like Rafiki said in the Lion King
GOD’S PROMISE TO YOU:
“But as it is written:
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”(1 Corinthians 2:9 NKJV)
“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13 NKJV)
MY PRAYER FOR YOU:
We confess, at times we have been the ones refusing to receive good things from your hand. Thank you Holy Spirit for bringing this out of the darkness and into the light. Today is a new day. We cast off our old self and put on our new self – the one that YOU have called good, chosen, loved, and redeemed. We choose to receive all the good things that You have promised us. We forgive ourselves today, in Jesus Name.
I remember a story my mom always used to tell me. She said,” Diana, how do you boil a frog?” I said, ” I don’t know.” She said, “A little at a time.”
You see when we put the frog in the water it was cold water. It wasn’t hot, no reason to jump out. That’s what an abusive relationship starts out as – a cold pot of water. Then, after a time, the abuser lights the stove. His behavior starts to change. This may be accentuated with alcohol or drugs. Then the water starts to boil, as his actions become more and more controlling. First he doesn’t want you to see your friends. Then he cuts you off from the family for some reason or another. Then he won’t let you work. Then he takes away the car, and the money. And the water is so hot by then you can’t even imagine getting out. So you don’t even try.
By this time, you are afraid when the sun goes down. You are constantly on edge trying to please “His Highness”. Anything to avoid a fight. Especially when you have small children. He says he wants the house clean and dinner ready by the time he gets home. So you do exactly as you are told. You tell yourself to “be the good wife” and not rock the boat. You pick up after the kids all day, have the house clean, and a great dinner – but then he doesn’t come home. Until after 2am. You pace around all night, scream at the kids because you are so angry, and finally get them to sleep. You try calling his phone – but he turns it off. So you wait. Your whole world revolves around what he does and how you can please him. He has become your God. You would do anything for him. As he walks all over you and squashes you like a bug.
Welcome to Abusive Relationship Training 101 This is not normal. This is not healthy. This is not a pattern you want to teach your children. Real love doesn’t look like this.
Here are some ideas on how to start to change YOUR MIND. What HE does is not the focus of this article.
We cannot control what the Abuser does,
but WE CAN CONTROL OUR REACTION TO IT!
to honor or respect (someone or something) as a god
to show respect and love for God or for a god especially by praying, having religious services, etc.
to love or honor (someone or something) very much or too much
Yes, we did. We think we are trying to keep the peace, but in all reality there is no peace. A relationship like this thrives on chaos and confusion. The fights become more frequent and more intense as the relationship goes on. The first step in changing this picture is to stop worshipping the ground he walks on. He is not God.
This may be difficult as many victims have an idealized picture of what the relationship looks like. Victims tend to idolize the “honeymoon phase” and ignore the “big blow out” phase. We lie to ourselves. If we told ourselves the truth, then we would have to DO something. This was one of the hardest things for me. I knew how to live as the victim. If I stayed the victim, then in my mind, I always had someone to blame.
Taking back my thoughts was step one of my healing. I didn’t have to worship him. It was not my job to change him. He was not who I thought he was, and that was the truth. And I was not myself either.
2. Admit that even though he thinks he is GOD, he is not.
Another step to healing was to admit to myself that my thoughts could be different from his. And I didn’t have to prove them to anyone. I have my own thoughts and feelings. God gave them to ME when He made me. The Abuser was great at telling me how I should feel, what I should look like, what I should do. I gave my power away. I gave my thoughts and dreams away to him.
No more. I gave myself permission to think differently. Just because he said something, didn’t mean it was true. I gave myself permission to seek out my own truth, and ‘own’ my own feelings. And I didn’t even have to tell him. Talk about freedom!
One of the things I learned to say after years of therapy/spiritual counsel was, “I am sorry YOU feel that way.” That helped me divide my feelings from that of my abuser. It was liberating, it was awesome, and he hated it. Be prepared at this point for the fights to increase. Any sign of ‘unsubmission’ may irritate the abuser more. Be prepared to walk away. Have an action plan, and a safe house to go to at this stage.
3. Develop your own Spiritual Plan of Action and Worship
The last step that I did to de-throne the “king” was to develop healthy relationships with other people. I chose to go to therapy and seek Spiritual Counsel. I asked the abuser to go with me. He did for a time, until he got thrown out of the office! Yep, more than one counselor, and more than one time. Then we started to go to church. We would go together until we met with the Pastor. I have had 3 different Pastors from 3 different churches tell me that I needed to leave. That the abuser was not interested in change. I left the abuser 7 different times in 8 years. The last time was Oct 2004, and I haven’t gone back. My kids and I got out, and with the help of the local YWCA Shelter, we started our new life. I am not a frog, and neither are my children!
Now I am not a counselor, although I have been a patient. I am not a Pastor, although I have been a follower for many years now. Having other people in my life that taught me about who GOD really was opened my eyes to who I had been worshipping all these years – the abuser!
Do you know the meaning of your name, and why your parents chose it? Do you think it suits you? What about your children’s names?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us IDENTITY.
Today I am no longer who I thought I was. I used to put all sorts of labels on myself. And I used to believe the labels that others put on me. NO MORE! It was kind of funny, when the ‘light bulb’ went off for me. I used to be depressed. I used to take medicine and not get out of bed. And all day I would talk about how depressed I was to whoever would listen. The more I talked about it the worse I felt. And then, in my eyes – I BECAME depression. Talk about a downer! LOL! Things only started to change for me when I kept my mouth shut and stopped repeating the negative words over myself. I had to stop beating myself up with my words – especially when I looked in the mirror. And I had to start speaking positive words over myself – whether I liked it or not, whether I felt it or not.
Then, I had to learn the truth. Who does God say I am? Because obviously, I had no idea. I gave my power away and let others define me – what a mistake. No wonder I was an easy target for an Abuser. He could tell me whatever he wanted to and I would believe it. And seriously, after hearing those words day in and day out for years – you get brainwashed into thinking they are true. I won’t repeat those words – even here, but I am sure you have your own “words” that were spoken over you that were harmful.
I can testify that those words can be broken off – and turned into dust. But you have to speak to your own mountain to get it to move. Your body responds to your voice. I encourage you to speak the WORD over your life – and watch and see what happens! If you need those positive words – print this out and put it on your mirror: