Well, here I sit. 55 years old and back in therapy. My Neurologist asked if I had ever experienced any trauma or abuse. I just laughed. Only my whole life, lol. Then I said, “Yes.” He referred me to a Psychiatrist for evaluation. Here is a poem I wrote thinking about things.
CRAWL INTO CRAZY
– Copyright 2019 Diana Rasmussen
I walk through the door and thought all was well
until the Dr came in with that look on his face
He sat down and said, “well it doesn’t look good.”
I froze and prayed God I’m gonna need some grace
My mind is racing all I think is, ” How can I just be free?”
I don’t want to hear what he says
God please make it all go away
before I crawl into crazy
I know this never-ending numbness
it’s when I shut down
I bow my head and pray
to God for a miracle instead
My tears fall to the floor
as I sit and rock like a baby
God show me your grace
before I crawl into crazy
The Dr told me there would be more tests
not sure know how long it will take to find out the cause
I’m googling every symptom I thought I could see
I want to know what is the matter with me
I’m fighting with fear of what it might be
I didn’t ask to be sick, I don’t want to be here
God please make it all go away
before I crawl into crazy
Crazy is the box that whispers her name
gets her to crawl in
only to slam down the lid
Please God help me now
don’t let me crawl into crazy
I prayed and asked God “why, why is this happening to me?”
He stretches out His arm, takes my hand and says, “Just walk with Me.”
He covers me with His mercy and grace as we walk through the door
God’ s gonna make sure I don’t crawl into crazy.
