Well, here I sit. 55 years old and back in therapy. My Neurologist asked if I had ever experienced any trauma or abuse. I just laughed. Only my whole life, lol. Then I said, “Yes.” He referred me to a Psychiatrist for evaluation. Here is a poem I wrote thinking about things.

CRAWL INTO CRAZY

– Copyright 2019 Diana Rasmussen

I walk through the door and thought all was well

until the Dr came in with that look on his face

He sat down and said, “well it doesn’t look good.”

I froze and prayed God I’m gonna need some grace

My mind is racing all I think is, ” How can I just be free?”

I don’t want to hear what he says

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

I know this never-ending numbness

it’s when I shut down

I bow my head and pray

to God for a miracle instead

My tears fall to the floor

as I sit and rock like a baby

God show me your grace

before I crawl into crazy

The Dr told me there would be more tests

not sure know how long it will take to find out the cause

I’m googling every symptom I thought I could see

I want to know what is the matter with me

I’m fighting with fear of what it might be

I didn’t ask to be sick, I don’t want to be here

God please make it all go away

before I crawl into crazy

Crazy is the box that whispers her name

gets her to crawl in

only to slam down the lid

Please God help me now

don’t let me crawl into crazy

I prayed and asked God “why, why is this happening to me?”

He stretches out His arm, takes my hand and says, “Just walk with Me.”

He covers me with His mercy and grace as we walk through the door

God’ s gonna make sure I don’t crawl into crazy.