Category: Disablility

Rise Up!

Yes, 2020 sucked. But it’s over. We made it. God saw us through and we are still here! Hallelujah! I don’t know about you, but there were a few times I didn’t know if I would make it to 2021. Yes, I have been knocked down this past year with deaths, COVID in my family, heart attack, and pancreatitis, as well as 5 other ER visits. It’s been kind of a blur. But one thing I do know, God was with me the whole time! There were days I cried, days I just wanted to give up, as well as happy days, and beautiful memories. COVID and illness has certainly given us all a clearer picture of what is really important.

There were more than a few days that I stayed home from Church and watched online. This was hard for me because I am part of our Worship Team. So is my husband Bob, and 6 other friends that are the most amazing gift ever. The last time I stayed home I just cried. The Worship Team sounded so good – without me. It was very humbling. Yes, they are all amazing and we are blessed. I felt lonely and left out. It’s so hard to be sick and stay home all the time. But God showed me something. I could praise Him at home, without the band, without my piano or bass, just on my own for He is worthy to be praised! I learned how to just BE with Jesus.

I learned a very important lesson this past year.

For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.” – Romans 14:8 NKJV

Yes, God is still on the throne, and whether I play or don’t play, laugh or cry, live or die, I belong to the Lord. This brought me comfort. It is way easier to let go of things I can’t control if I trust my God who knows the end from the beginning. God is with us. He has plans for us here and in Heaven.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
– Jeremiah 29:11-13 NKJV

This verse and song helped me too. I need to see the vision of where I am going, not where I am. Hope rises. Faith rises. God rises, and so will we!

 

RISE UP by Andra Day

 

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.” – Isaiah 60:1-3 NIV

 

 

You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains, And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again, For you
For you
For you
For you, When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
Bring it to its feet
And move mountains, And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again, For you
For you
For you
For you All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
And we will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, oh, oh
We’ll rise I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again For you
For you
For you
For you Ah, ah, ah, ah

 

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Cassandra Monique Batie / Jennifer Decilveo Rise Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management

Sitting in the Dust waiting for My Miracle

Remember Job? I can relate to this guy lately. I wrote about my heart attack here on 4/21/20. That was 6 days in the hospital. 4 weeks later I had another heart episode on 5/29/20 and had to go back to the Hospital. That was another 4 days. That’s 10 days out of 30 that I spent in the Hospital.

It was kind of a blur. Lots of IV’s, lots of medicine, and lots of falling asleep in the middle of a sentence! Very little sleep, they woke me up every hour for vitals and shots. It sucked!

Praise God I am home now. I qualified for Home Health so I have a visiting Nurse, Social Worker, Physical Therapist, and Occupational Therapist that all come to my home to help me get stronger. I’m still using my walker, that sucks, but at least I don’t fall down.

So back to Job. Here’s the verse: “Now there was a day when the sons of God (angels) came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan (adversary, accuser) also came among them.The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Then Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming around on the earth and from walking around on it.”The Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered and reflected on My servant Job? For there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God [with reverence] and abstains from and turns away from evil [because he honors God].”Then Satan answered the Lord, “Does Job fear God for nothing?Have You not put a hedge [of protection] around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands [and conferred prosperity and happiness upon him], and his possessions have increased in the land.But put forth Your hand now and touch (destroy) all that he has, and he will surely curse You to Your face.”Then the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that Job has is in your power, only do not put your hand on the man himself.” So Satan departed from the presence of the Lord.” – Job 1:6-12

I guess I’ve been considered. Never thought I would have a heart attack at 56 but here I am. I admit it, I lost it. When I got home at the end of April I was in shock. I froze. I was paralyzed. All the faith I thought I had shriveled up like a raisin. My friends tried to reach out to me and I didn’t even answer the phone. I had given up.

I sat in the dust like Job. I cried every day. I really thought I would just wake up dead. Fear had gripped my heart and was strangling me like a snake. I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t read my Bible, nor anything else for that matter. I couldn’t type, I kept messing up the letters. So I sat in the dust and cried and waited.


My husband and Pastor and friends prayed for me. I could feel it. Occasionally there were glimpses of light that came through my broken body and soul. They carried me and lowered me through the roof of despair and put me right in front of Jesus. I don’t think I would be here without their prayers.

Here I am 10 days later after the last hospital discharge. And I’m ready to get up! I have seen the Home Health Nurse, Occupational Therapist, Physical Therapist, and Social Worker. I have also started Cardiac Rehab. I can’t believe all of the people God has put in my life to help me. My husband is amazing. He is so supportive I feel like I’m in a Hallmark movie. My kids have become my cheerleaders checking on me all the time. My tribe of girlfriends have rallied by my side and encourage me all the time. I truly am blessed.

So the point of my story? I may have been planted in the dirt but this seed is breaking through the soil of infitmity and growing more and more into the plant God made me to be. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. I am still fighting for my life here. But I am not alone. My God is for me, who can stand against me?

Here are the verses that I have used to exercise my faith during this trial. I hope that if you are going through a trial you will hold on to these in your heart and speak them to God. Then, like me, we have to give God a minute to do what He said He would do. God is faithful. Some I have paraphrased

FAITH POWER VERSES

Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.

If God is for me who can stand against me?

God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.

The blood on your houses will be a sign for you. When I see the blood, I will pass over you. No deadly plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.
(I put the blood of Jesus on the doorpost of my heart so God will not destroy my and the enemy will pass over me.)

The devil has come to kill, steal and destroy. But I have come to give you life, and life more abundantly

My Deliverer is coming, my Deliverer is standing by

God will never leave nor forsake me

He who the Son sets free is free indeed.

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
(Hide me under the shadow of your wings Lord so the enemy can’t find me.)

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.
(Because I love You, You will protect me and show me Your Salvation)

Heal me Lord and I will be healed. Save me Lord and I will be saved.

The Lord bless you, and keep you [protect you, sustain you, and guard you];The Lord make His face shine upon you [with favor], And be gracious to you [surrounding you with lovingkindness];The Lord lift up His countenance (face) upon you [with divine approval], And give you peace [a tranquil heart and life].’ – Numbers 6:24-26

Holy Spirit Will Speak to You and Tell You What is Coming Up

It was another early morning for me. 3:30 am.  I’m really not a morning person.  I would much rather stay up later watching Netflix or something and sleep late. But lately, this is not how my life has been going. I find myself waking up early. I go upstairs, turn on our electric fireplace, get comfy in my recliner with my fuzzy blanket and pray.

This morning Holy Spirit told me to check my health insurance. Since I went out on Disability a year ago, I have insurance through Medicaid. It takes 2 years before Medicare will kick in. My response was, “ok, why?” Keep in mind, I ‘m not really awake at 3:30 am and I haven’t had any coffee yet! God knows I’m kinda cranky then, lol!

I admit, I was kind of nervous. I was scheduled to go in for another EMG ( electromyogram) test with the Neurologist today. That’s the painful test where they put needles in your legs and arms and send current through them. All to prove that I have peripheral neuropathy, which I already knew. But hey, I changed Doctors and it has been more than a year so they wanted to repeat the test. Yeah, not!

So, I finally fall back asleep in my recliner and the alarm goes off at 5 am. My husband had another early day driving back and forth to Chicago. That’s when I remembered what Holy Spirit said to me earlier. I get on Google (what did we ever do before Google?) and start searching it out.  Interestingly enough, like I should be surprised, God was right!

My father in law recently passed away and left some life insurance to his 3 children, one of them being my husband, Bob. Come to find out, Medicare counts that money as part of your monthly family income! That means for the months of Feb and March this year, I do NOT have health insurance as Bob got checks those months.  The state will reinstate my Health Insurance next month.

I looked  back and the first time I had this EMG test it was like $1500 or so. I waited until after 8 am and called the Neurologist to cancel this appointment. I can reschedule once my insurance is back on. Thank you Holy Spirit for having me look into this so we didn’t have to pay for it on our own!

 

God’s Word for You:

And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever—  the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive [and take to its heart] because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He (the Holy Spirit) remains with you continually and will be in you.

“I will not leave you as orphans [comfortless, bereaved, and helpless]; I will come [back] to you.  After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also. On that day [when that time comes] you will know for yourselves that I am in My Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you. The person who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who [really] loves Me; and whoever [really] loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and reveal Myself to him [I will make Myself real to him].” – Johyn 14:16-21 AMP

 

My Prayer for You:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit. You live in us and through us and remind us what You have done, and even what is coming in the day ahead. Thank you that everyday You reveal yourself to us. Open our eyes and hearts to see it, in Jesus Name, amen!

 

 

 

What to Do When Life Changes and You End Up Disabled

There will be times of pruning in our lives. Times after Harvest, where God will till the fields of our lives. He is a Good Father, and wants to help us produce more fruit, more wine.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.

By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.” – Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJV

I guess this is the season where I get to use that Faith Muscle. Not sure I like it. Next month it will be a year since I have been out of work. It definitely is not what I had planned. I was happy working my way up the ladder of Corporate America when BAM, life took a left turn I didn’t expect.

So, here I sit a year later. Last week I was granted Social Security Disability after my first attempt. People told me it would never happen, that I would have to go through at least 3 appeals, hire a lawyer, etc. They were wrong. I did use a service to help me with the paperwork. (If you need help, email me and I’ll send you a link).

Today I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I never wanted to be labelled as Disabled.

Is God mad at me? No, not according to the book of Job. He lost a lot in one day. Did I do something to deserve this? Is it punishment? No, I don’t think God punishes us like that. Jesus took the wrath that we deserved at the Cross. “It is finished.” He said. Well then, I don’t need to carry that wrath.

But why? Isn’t it funny that we as humans always want to know why? Sometimes I remind myself of a toddler. Why Daddy why? As a Good Father, He has vision way beyond my meager view of the world. I guess in this season, I have learned to stop asking Why, and just trust and believe that My Daddy knows what He is doing. I may not know all the answers, but I think I’ll stop my whining at the checkout aisle and see what God has in store for me next!

 

The True Vine

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.  Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.  Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.  By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. – John 15:1-6