Why does forgiveness matter? We have all been hurt and betrayed by someone. You can’t make it through life on planet Earth without a few scars.
But what do you do with that pain? In my experience you can live there and become bitter or you can use it as a life lesson and forgive. Real freedom comes when you choose to forgive even when someone doesn’t even say they are sorry.
Forgiveness does not mean that what they did was right. Forgiveness means that you trust God to deal with them.
(All pictures from Pinterest)
Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
I was watching Longmire reruns when I heard this line, “Forgiveness is not a natural thing for most people.” That is true. When we get rejected or laughed at or betrayed it is not the first thought that comes to mind.
We are human after all. The first thought is more like:
I’m gonna get you for that
I will never forgive you
It’s over
I will never trust you ever again
I can’t wait to get my revenge
No wonder Jesus had so much to say about forgiveness.
Have you ever met someone who refuses to forgive someone? They are angry, they are bitter, and they are stuck. You know, they repeat the same old story about how somebody wronged them every time you see them. They refuse to let it go. They gossip, they cut others down, and they stir up drama – all to get the focus off themselves. They blame everybody for everything. It’s sad really. You know they are miserable.
I have known people who harden their hearts and develop a root of bitterness. Roots grow deep. Once this happens they lose their joy and hope. You can’t tell them anything because they don’t want to hear it. They poison the lives of those they touch. They bring strife, division, and even hatred.
Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; – Hebrews 12:14-15 NKJV
So what should we do?
Repent of any unforgiveness in our hearts. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind those we have not yet forgiven.
Forgive them and forgive yourself for holding on to it.
Pray for the person you had a resentment against. Yes, pray for them. Ask God to bless them. Then you will be free of it.
Trust God to deal with it. “Vengeance is mine says the Lord, I will repay.” Let God take care of it. Trust Him to make it right.
What they did may be wrong. But so you really want to be stuck there forever? Do you really want to be tied to that wrong forever? God can’t deal with them or make it right until you let it go.
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” – Matthew 6:14-15
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that I accept what you did to me
Forgiveness means I let go of taking vengeance against you
Forgiveness means I trust my God to deal with you because He told me, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.”
Forgiveness means I don’t have to think about you or what you did to me
Forgiveness means I am free from your prison of pain
Forgiveness means I can move on and go forward
Forgiveness frees me to be who God made me to be, regardless of what you do or don’t do
Forgiveness gives me the freedom to pray for you
Forgiveness let’s me be me
Forgiveness frees my Father in Heaven to forgive me
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. – Matthew 6:14-15 NIV
Mistakes. We all make them. Wrong choices. We all do them. But what do you do with that?
Questions to Ponder:
Are you one to forgive and forget?
Do you hold onto those mistakes to beat yourself up with later?
Do you expect yourself to be perfect?
Are you angry when you or others make a mistake?
I have to admit it – I am a recovering Perfectionist. I used to have very unrealistic expectations for myself and for others. I was miserable. And I made everyone else miserable. I could not receive grace or mercy from God because I would not accept it while I was trying to be “perfect”. For me, it shut down my heart. I didn’t allow myself to “let my guard down” with God or anyone else. So I became a “platstic person”. I was never good enough in my own eyes. And neither was anyone else. But I would smile on the outside and say I was just fine…
It took the love of God to break through my mask of perfection. The more I read the Word, the more I received forgiveness and love from the Lord. He loved me right where I was at, and encouraged me to get up and try again.
If God forgave me, who was I to condemn myself?
And who was I to criticize what God had made?
What freedom I found when I finally gave myself permission to make mistakes. Wow, I can’t tell you how great it is to be human today. And now I can extend grace and mercy to others too. Because I have received grace and mercy from God. I forgave myself. God did. Jesus died for all my sins. I believe it. I receive it. And now I can forgive others. I can only give to others what God has given me. If I could not receive forgiveness for my shortcomings how could I forgive others for theirs?
I encourage you today. Forgive yourself. God already did, and I forgive you too – for whatever. Accept healing, accept grace, accept mercy – Jesus died to give it to us. It’s ok to be human today! That’s how He made us anyway. And I really think He already knew we would need His help!
“But you shall be named the priests of the Lord, They shall call you the servants of our God. You shall eat the riches of the Gentiles, And in their glory you shall boast. Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; Everlasting joy shall be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:6-7 NKJV)
Grace. Sometimes I think I try to hard. It’s like I have to go looking for it, like a buried treasure or something. But, from what I read, it’s not like that. Grace comes searching me out, especially when I need it most.
10 WAYS GRACE COMES TO FIND US
“As long as a believer is worrying about whether or not they are truly saved, they will never grow up in spiritual maturity. It basically guarantees that a Christian will remain stuck in spiritual infancy. And worse, it paints a picture of God that is not only untrue but also unbiblical. It cheapens the gift of salvation – the gift of grace – and make God look like a finicky human.”
― Will Davis Jr., 10 Things Jesus Never Said: And Why You Should Stop Believing Them
“His grace is cheapened when you think that He has only forgiven you of your sins up to the time you got saved, and after that point, you have to depend on your confession of sins to be forgiven. God’s forgiveness is not given in installments.”
― Joseph Prince, Unmerited Favor: Depending on Jesus for every success in your life
“It’s not the law of religion nor the principles of morality that define our highways and pathways to God; only by the Grace of God are we led and drawn, to God. It is His grace that conquers a multitude of flaws and in that grace, there is only favor. Favor is not achieved; favor is received.”
― C. JoyBell C.
“Maybe if we focused on being light & less on the dark, we might actually see things change.”
― Michael M. Rose
“Under the law, even the best failed. Under grace, even the worst can be saved!”
― Joseph Prince, Unmerited Favor: Depending on Jesus for every success in your life
“God reminds us again and again that things between He and us are forever fixed. They are the rendezvous points where God declares to us concretely that the debt has been paid, the ledger put away, and that everything we need, in Christ we already possess. This re-convincing produces humility, because we realize that our needs are fulfilled. We don’t have to worry about ourselves anymore. This in turn frees us to stop looking out for what we think we need and liberates us to love our neighbor by looking out for what they need.”
― Tullian Tchividjian
“Grace isn’t just forgiveness, it is forgiveness fueled by surrender.”
― Amy E. Spiegel, Letting Go of Perfect: Women, Expectations, and Authenticity
“Jesus Himself has already paid the price for your sins, so stop condemning yourself! Today, when you look into the mirror, what do you see? Do you see yourself trapped in all your failings, mistakes, and sins? Or do you see what God sees? My dear friend, when God sees you today, He sees Jesus. Use your eyes of faith and believe that as Jesus is, so are you. In God’s eyes, you are righteous, you are favored, you are blessed, and you are healed. You are freed from all sin, all pangs of guilt, all forms of condemnation, and every bondage of addiction!”
― Joseph Prince, The Power of Right Believing: 7 Keys to Freedom from Fear, Guilt, and Addiction
“Where God’s grace takes you, grace will increase your capability and your capacity. Grace will empower you.”
― Edmond Sanganyado, The Good Shepherd: Grace sets back your setbacks
“Beloved, pursue Jesus and you will experience wisdom in every area of your life. You cannot try to earn, deserve or study to acquire God’s wisdom. It comes by His unmerited favor. His wisdom will give you good success in your career. It will cause you to succeed as a student, parent or spouse.”
― Joseph Prince, 100 Days of Favor: Daily Readings From Unmerited Favor
Today the first thought that came to me was to “Remember the good, let go of the bad.” Not always easy is it? I think anyone who has lived though abuse, or violence, or any type of addiction is used to things going badly, right? In fact, when things go good we are almost uncomfortable right? I have heard it said that sometimes we ‘throw the other shoe’ as we expect bad to happen, so we would rather just get it over with right? Not the most healthy way to live life, I speak from experience.
And the more I talk negative, the more negative I become about life, about myself, and about other people. I don’t want to be one of ‘those’ people that only speaks negative – that no one wants to even be around because they define themselves by their problems and their ailments. It’s like they become their problems.
I read a great post this morning from Apostle Gabriel Cross:
Forgiveness is abandoning the offense and embracing in love, ‘The person.’ Meaning let it go, no longer carrying it or keeping it as a pet. Forgiveness causes reviving and healing in the relationship. If you don’t forgive, unforgiveness results in you becoming loyal to the problem and not to the person, which progresses to playing the ‘blame game.’”
Wow, I know I have been keeping way to many PETS around here. Too many problems, too many old ways of thinking, too many negative feelings and emotions that I have been feeding, coddling, and helping to grow.
The more I feed my problems, the bigger they become.
That’s why I need to renew my mind – with the WORD.
I have to make a conscious choice to ‘remember the good.’ There seems to be a lot of fighting in my head today – that’s ok, I know who wins! These are the things I want to think about today…
Do you see the glass half empty ?
Do you see the glass half full?
Hey, I got a new way to look at this: God says MY CUP IS OVERFLOWING – so there is no “half” about it! That’s the verse I am holding onto this Holiday Season despite the fact our car got totalled this past weekend!
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over. (Psalm 23:5 AMP)
I started reading Max Lucado’s new book, “You’ll Get Through This”. In the beginning he is reminding us about the story of Joseph and how he got thrown into the pit. I know that pit. I have been there. The pit of depression, the pit of despair, the pit of betrayal, the pit of abandonment, the pit of poverty, etc. I’ll bet you have been there too. Stuck in a pit and can’t climb out by yourself. Feeling like you are helpless and hopeless.
One of the things Max said about Joseph was:
“What do you have that you cannot lose?” He still had God’s call on his heart.
We forget this on the road to Egypt. Forgotten destinies litter the landscape like carcasses.
We redefine ourselves according to our catastrophes.
“I am the divorcee, the addict, the bankrupt business person, the kid with the disability, or the man with the scar.” We settle for a small destiny: to make money, make friends, make a name, make muscle, or make love with anyone and everyone.
Determine not to make this mistake. Think you have lost it all: You Haven’t.
“God’s gifts and God’s call are under full warranty – never canceled, never rescinded (Rom 11:29 MSG). Hear and Heed Yours.
Source: You’ll Get Through This, by Max Lucado, p. 18
And then, more manna for my day. Yesterday I read something on FB that made me stop and think.
“People who are hard on themselves cannot forgive themselves for the mistakes they’ve made in the past. Sadly, they end up punishing themselves, whether they know it or not.
Beloved, release your failings to Jesus today. Receive His gift of no condemnation and stop blaming yourself for the things that have happened in the past. If God has forgiven you, you ought to forgive yourself too!
Receive God’s complete forgiveness! This is the 3rd key of The Power of Right Believing.
#believing4″
Positive or negative expectations about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a persons behavior toward them in a manner that he or she (unknowingly) creates situations in which those expectations are fulfilled. In other words, causing something to happen by believing it will come true. (Source: UrbanDictionary.com)
So, in theory, my punishing myself and beating myself up for all my past mistakes was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was not, nor am I perfect, even though I tried. (ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God). And my bad attitude would keep growing until I forgave myself. I was holding onto this false sense of reality – a false sense of who I thought I was – And I defined myself by my catastrophes.
Hi my name is Diana and I AM a _________. Fill in the blank. Who should I be today? We do tend to be chameleons too in order to hide and please everyone else. Well, I did.
For example, I thought I deserved to be punished, as that is what the ‘Abusers’ said. So even after I left and they weren’t around, I would punish myself. You know, those ‘voices’ in your head – that play even after the person is gone. Look in the mirror and call yourself ugly, fat, dumb, stupid…Old thought patterns and old beliefs – that had clouded my vision and needed to be kicked out. They are not true!
Now I see why God says to renew my mind daily and take every thought captive. I don’t have to act on every thought. I don’t even have to believe every thought.
Now I am not saying I have it all figured out. By no means, but I am pressing forward, forgetting the past and those things – to keep my eyes on the Prize – and go on.
“The main trouble with despair is that it is self-fulfilling. People who fear the worst tend to invite it. Heads that are down can’t scan the horizon for new openings. Bursts of energy do not spring from a spirit of defeat. Ultimately, helplessness leads to hopelessness.” —Norman Cousins
I don’t know if this makes any sense to you, but to me it helped me want to renew my mind with more of God’s Word. God says we are forgiven – I think I’ll accept that today. God already has, all my sins and shortcomings are as far as the East is from the West, so why did I keep holding onto them and reminding Him? And if Despair and Hopelessness are self-fulfilling, I think I will divorce those feelings too!
Four elements that can lock up a heart, keeping delight out and darkness in. Resentment, the cocaine of the emotions. Anger, the destroyer of joy. Your heritage- the straitjacket of expectation. Declining faith- the marauder of hope.” ~ Max Lucado
You can read more of Max’s thoughts on how to open a locked heart here:
(Just a sidenote for those of you who have been in abusive relationships. Forgiveness does NOT mean I will let him hit me again. I had a very twisted view of what Forgiveness meant. I thought that I was supposed to just ‘forgive and forget’ and let him do it again and again – 70 x 7 right? Wrong. My forgiveness towards my abusers meant I would not take revenge, nor put myself or my children in harm’s way, but that I would trust GOD to deal with him. I had to let go of the ending – and walk away. I was not his Savior, I was not going to change him, it was not my job. My warped thinking kept me hostage for a long time. More to come on this area!)
The following is an expert from unionchurch.com. I don’t know this church, but I do have someone I am angry with right now, so I am searching out unforgiveness and what to do with it. How about you?
Perhaps the wound is old. A parent abused you. A teacher slighted you. And you are angry.Or perhaps the wound is fresh. The friend who owes you money just drove by in a new car. The boss who hired you with promises of promotions has forgotten how to pronounce your name. Your circle of friends escaped on a weekend getaway, and you …And you are hurt.
Part of you is broken, and the other part is bitter. Part of you wants to cry, and part of you wants to fight. The tears you cry are hot because they come from your heart, and there is a fire burning in your heart. It’s the fire of anger. It’s blazing. It’s consuming. Its flames leap up under a steaming pot of revenge.
And you are left with a decision. “Do I put the fire out or heat it up? Do I get over it or get even? Do I release it or resent it? Do I let my hurts heal, or do I let hurt turn into hate?” . . .
Resentment is the deliberate decision to nurse the offense until it becomes a black, furry, growling grudge.
Unfaithfulness is wrong. Revenge is bad. But the worst part of all is that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left. [Max Lucado LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN p. 71]
“In the final analysis, forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out. I leave in God’s hands the scales that must balance justice and mercy.” [Yancey p.83]
Wow, I really didn’t think this was going to be today’s topic. But, there I go thinking and planning again. I seem to be in this season of “sit down and shut up and listen”. Ever have one of those? We had a fellowship gathering with 3-4 other churches in our area today, it was absolutely amazing! I have found that when God’s people gather together in unity, there is a special anointing that goes forth. Such power in His Word, thank you Jesus! Well there I go, down another bunny trail…maybe that’s why I’m just sitting.
forgiveness = the act or willingness to forgive another.
forgive =
1.to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3.to grant pardon to (a person).
4.to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one’s enemies.
5.to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.
So, show me Lord who or what I am holding onto too tightly. What will I not let go of?
I have some old debts I would love to be rid of. You know, the kind you get when you get divorced. Your ex says he will pay it and then doesn’t. Years later, they hunt you down and now it’s in your name. I made the mistake of letting my ex husband use my name to get credit when we were married. He had bad credit, that should have been a red flag right there! But no, Ms. Diana was gonna save ’em, uggghhhh!
Bought him a van in my name, got repossessed. All the utilities in my name, got kicked out, cuz didn’t pay rent. Can’t pay rent if you don’t go to work. Wow, I sure did know how to pick ’em back then. I thought I would save money and consolidated our student loans the last year we were married, another mistake. I had mine down to like $5000 after paying for years ( I went out-of-state for college, beau coup bucks), Consolidated with his $3000= $8000. Long story short, got divorced a year later, he was supposed to pay that bill, I got other ones like utilities, etc. Big surprise he didn’t pay it, at all. Zilch, nada, no denero. By the time I finally got a bill the total due was over $24,000.My ex went from state to state and they couldn’t find him. He is in trouble with the IRS now and now I get the bill.
From joannawillis.wordpress.com
fair- no. Did he do the right thing- no. Do I have to forgive him- yes. What? Yep, I need to forgive him. Why? Because it is destroying my peace, it is killing my joy, and giving me a sour attitude. Unforgiveness destroys people, I have seen it, bitter, angry people who just whine and complain about everything, alll hunched over and sick Unforgiveness is like poison – It kills you slowly. Day by day, after you feed it and keep talkng about it it grows and grows, stealing all peace and joy, it kinda sucks the life right out of you. I don’t want that. Unforgiveness can destroy my health, it opens the door to depression, anxiety, despair, and all my past self-destructive behaviorS. I really don’t want to go back to that.
God asks me to forgive because He forgave me. Not because someone repented and did the right thing. I think that is why it is so hard. My forgiveness of them does not depend on them changing, or even making it right.
Instead, I choose to forgive them and let God make it right. And then I am free of it, I put my trust in God. He is the owner of everything, and Jehovah Jirah, my provider. He has always made a way where there is no way. God will help me pay that bill, He always has. Sometimes I think God waits until I let it go of something before He will deal with it and make it right for me.
thanks for listening, I guess I needed to get that out.
And, P#{%}#] I forgive you for that dumb debt.
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
