Sometimes I look at those cards. You know the pretty ones with the happy families on the front? My life just doesn’t look like that. No snowmen – it’s like 55 today in WI. No sleigh rides, no happy horses. Where do they get these ideas? Who really lives like that anyway?
Maybe I should start my own card line. Ones for real life.
10 Funny Ideas for Real Life Christmas Cards:
Let’s have multiple Christmases this year to make sure everyone can come. Yeah, splitting time with the ex’s just makes the Holiday more Merry!
Do I really have to buy a present for the ex from the kids? Does it have to be nice?
Another Holiday? Another family fight? Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Spiked punch or unspiked? Silver bells, silver bells…
Bills or presents – that is the question!
Are you coming unglued? Yes, me too – let’s try some tape.
I can’t believe I forgot to buy a present for…let me go find something quick.
Am I a Redneck if I re-gift things I didn’t use from last year?
Where’s that darn tape again? Ugggh!
If I hear one more Christmas Carol I am going to lose my mind. Oh yeah, I think I already wrapped that up!
Here’s to the rest of us – with a bit of humor thrown in to keep our sanity! Don’t worry – God knows us and loves us, humor and all. Think of the big job He has with all his kiddos. Now that is a handful! God bless us everyone!
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(All images from Pinterest. Maxine Cartoons are by Maxine.com)
“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” ― Apple Inc.
Yep. It’s Monday. Let me share a funny story – a true story. In fact I got to experience it this morning. Yesterday was our “Opa Sunday”. Once a month or so we have Bob’s dad and My Dad and Stepmom over for lunch. This way the kids get to hear the stories of what life was like when they grew up. Kind of a family tradition thing. Between Bob and I we have 6 kids – some are grown and out on their own. Yesterday we had 3 of the 6 here. Lots of laughs, burgers, a bottle of wine, and My dad brings his own beer. And they each bring their dogs. So we have 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 bunnies and all of us. Usually we start with cheese and crackers. Yesterday’s menu was hot dogs and burgers. And all the dogs fight for treats – all day. Good times, good stories, good company. It was a fun day, doggies and all.
So about four in the morning our dog Emmy starts barking her head off. And then we hear a knock on the door. My husband comes downstairs and then comes back upstairs and says, “Hey, there is someone outside on a cell phone.” He puts a shirt on and I race downstairs. Now we have teenagers at home, so I’m thinking, “Oh man, what kid is here now?” and “What kid of mine is outside talking outside on the phone at 4 AM?” Yep Ms D. is pumped.
My first stop was each of the kids room. I turn on the lights and yell, “Who is outside and who are you talking to?” Both are in bed asleep. I get the ‘”huh?” as they sit up in bed dazed. Ok, they are safe so I am off to the front door.
So I run into the kitchen, keep in mind I am still in my pj’s and I am barefoot. And then I feel it – something warm and squishy in between my toes. “S#*t!” I say out loud. I can’t believe I stepped in that! Then I almost trip over the dog trying to get to the door. I open the door wide enough to get myself outside and push the dog back so she doesn’t bite whoever this is. There is a man on our porch, probably about 50 holding a box. Not looking good here.
My response – ok, not the most Christian thing to say, but keep in mind I am not awake and I have dog poop in between my toes! “Who in the f*^k are you?” His eyes get real big. “Uh, Uh, I have a package for Rasmussen – a delivery.” I turn myself around, realizing for the first time I am outside talking to a stranger in my pj’s with dog poop in between my toes. I turn around, and don’t say a word. I open the door, kick the dog back (yes, with that foot) and by that time Bob is downstairs and I say, “Hey, your freaking part is here for the job today.” He goes outside and gets the part from the dude. I think I scared the crap out of him, and the dog, lol!
Keeping your sense of humor during the Holidays? Or are you pulling your hair out? Ready to string Santa up by those lights? Or how about running over Rudolph? Thought I would share some fun today, and hopefully put a smile on your face!
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“He went to the church, and walked about the streets, and watched the people hurrying to and for, and patted the children on the head, and questioned beggars, and looked down into the kitchens of homes, and up to the windows, and found that everything could yield him pleasure. He had never dreamed of any walk, that anything, could give him so much happiness. (p. 119)”
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
“Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.”
― Helen Steiner Rice
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.”
― Andy Rooney
“When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things – not the great occasions – give off the greatest glow of happiness.”
― Bob Hope
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
― George Carlin
“Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ”
― Mary Ellen Chase
“I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”
― Hamilton Wright Mabie
“Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”
― Calvin Coolidge
“Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.”
― Janice Maeditere
“Christmas, my child, is love in action.”
― Dale Evans Rogers
“I truly believe that if we keep telling the Christmas story, singing the Christmas songs, and living the Christmas spirit, we can bring joy and happiness and peace to this world.”
― Norman Vincent Peale
“Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.”
― Roy L. Smith
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”
― Jay Leno
Tell us about the last time you had a real, deep, crying-from-laughing belly laugh.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us JOYFUL.
I have to admit, I am rolling on the floor almost every night – with Pinterest Humor. I usually wait until around 9 or 10 pm, then I’m ready! Here are a few of my laughs. Seriously, no really, I have to laugh – everyday. I have kids – it’s either find the humor or check me back into the rubber room!
