It was a normal Saturday. Our teens were out doing their thing as my husband and I focused on house stuff – well and Netflix too. A great relaxing day. Then I texted one of my kids. Just checking in, mom stuff – you know. No answer. I brushed it off, no big deal.
Four hours later, I texted again. Still no answer. Another hour later – still no answer. That’s it – that was all my imagination needed to get off to the races. My anxiety started to rise. My heartbeat increased. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour.
What it they were kidnapped?
What if someone did something to them?
What if they are hurt and can’t call me?
What if they don’t want to talk to me?
What if they got a ticket and are in jail?
What if they are dead somewhere on the side of the road and can’t call?
Yeah, you know.
“Mom-xiety – when you don’t know what is going on and you panic.” – Diana Rasmussen
I busied myself most of the day. Then went to try to go to sleep. Texted again, still no answer. Well that was it – I was off to the races again. I couldn’t fall asleep. The pictures in my mind kept getting worse and worse.
Why do we always think the worst?
I was up every 2 hours last night, checking my phone. Not wanting to make a big deal, I didn’t call them or their friends. I thought about it though.
I could have hunted them down like an animal. I could have gotten in my car and went and made a fool of myself, I didn’t. I stayed home and worried. Yeah I prayed – “God you take care of them, so I don’t kill them for not getting back to me.”
I woke up early Sunday morning, 5:00 am. By 5:30 am I couldn’t take it anymore. I texted their friend. Still no answer. I was pacing the floor by this point. This Mom-xiety is awful! I hate that feeling of being out of control and not knowing what is going on. That’s the truth.
It was about 7 when I got a text from my child. All was well. They had gone boating and had not brought their phone. I didn’t know wheter to laugh or cry from releif! I didn’t lose it and bite their head off. They were out living life and having fun, and being responsible. I was the nutcase yesterday.
Some days I have it together, and other days I just lose it. I wish I wasn’t so up and down. Anxiety sucks. Yeah, I take meds. Yeah, I pray. But when your heart is pounding out of your chest and your brian is a tornado and you can’t breath – then what?
Do I have faith. Yes I do. Somedays, I guess I just forget to use it.