Tag: Child support

Activism, Depression, Domestic Violence and Abuse, Poetry, Rejection

In His Glass

Here is a song/poem I wrote about my life lately. Yes, we went to court – again. And no – deadbeat dad is still not paying child support. I know I am not the only one here who deals with this. And yes, God is good and He has made up for all things. But I have to admit, it get’s frustrating. The ex went to jail for 5 days after getting picked up for not wearing a seat belt. There was a $24,000 bond on his head at the time as he decided to blow off the last two court appearances. Judges don’t like that.

So, after 5 days and only one payment this year the Judge asked me what I thought. Yes, the ex has been working – a union job with great pay and benefits. And yet he still chose not to pay his child support. My answer? Well, not what you would think that’s for sure. Must be a God thing. I asked the Judge to show him MERCY and give him the opportunity to work. Yep, I did.

The Judge said ok then and let my ex free without paying anything. He gave him a 90 day stay – which means he has 90 days to do the right thing. We even lowered the amount to make it easier. And here we are a month later – no child support. Seriously? Join me in praying for the ex will you? Not that I want to, but God tells me I have to. “Pray for your enemies.” And “Vengeance is mine says the Lord, I will repay” And then there is the one about “show mercy as I have shown you mercy.” And I really think my kids would fall apart if their dad went back to jail for the 3rd time. Ugggh…

So here I sit. And here I write. And pour out my troubles before my God. Thank you all for your love, your support, and your prayers. You hold me up when I can’t stand it anymore. You see every single mom out there trying to make it without help is a WIDOW. Yes, they got left, despite all their good intentions, their promises, and their attempts to make things work. And every child of divorce is ORPHANED. They did not ask for it either. And it is not their fault.   You don’t have to move them in but could you help them out a bit? Why do we kick the people who are down and judge the wounded?

Justice, what happened to Justice? Seriously, this whole child support system is broken. I think we should write some new laws for all the moms and kids out there who get left holding the bag – and all the bills. Deadbeat dads should not get to sit in jail with no bills, all their meals made for them and play cards all day. This is not working. How about some new laws for offenders? Let’s put the deadbeat dads to work on a farm or something, pay the moms so the kids can eat and keep the lights on, and let them work off their debt. Teach them how to work. Fix it, instead of giving them a place to run and hide from their responsibilities. Yes, people can change. But what is the incentive to do the right thing when you can get a free ‘jail-cation’?

My challenge to all of us this week – help a single mom. Money, gas, groceries, whatever. Just help someone with something. Pay it forward.

But then God surprises me. He sends someone. To stand alongside you when you are down. Not to kick you, but to help you up. I am grateful for the Samaritans that God has placed in my life and my husband’s life. Thanks Jeff – you show me what God’s love looks like. We all need help. Will you reach down and help another man/woman/child up this week?

In His Glass

Copyright 2014 Diana Rasmussen

Mommy needed a break
she had to get away
they left their house
her perfect family up in flames
Like a broken mirror
it’s shattered glass

Every girl wants her daddy to be the hero
Every boy believes he’s Superman
As God collects their tears as prayers
He fills His glass

Lawbreaker, rebel
Daddy’s refusing to change
Refusing to pay
cops took him away
They see him Saturdays
touch him through the glass

Every girl wants her daddy to be the hero
Every boy believes he’s Superman
As God collects their tears as prayers
He fills His glass

Daddy kept drowning his sorrows
Drinking his tomorrows
“Cheers!” he raises his glass,
Says, “just one more round”
will he ever turn around?

Every girl wants her daddy to be the hero
Every boy believes he’s Superman
As God collects their tears as prayers
He fills His glass

(all images from Pinterest)

Spirituality, Uncategorized

Another New Car?

Another new car? Seriously? The ex pulls in the driveway with yet another car. That’s the third one I’ve seen in the last few weeks. Yes, he is in trouble with the law – again. And yet I am court ordered to let him see our two kids. Sometimes he shows up. Sometimes he cancels. And here is mom, the master Piece Picker-upper. Yeah. You know how that goes. He promises one thing. Then cancels. And we moms get to pick up the pieces. All while keeping our mouths shut, because in the kids eyes – he is the Hero. Doesn’t make sense at all does it? Yeah, making $24/hour for almost  year and still not paying any child support. 

I have to believe in God and that He will make things right. Otherwise I would be back in the ‘I love me jacket’ and living in the ‘rubber room’ again. That wasn’t fun.  Well, good meds – I’ll give them that.  But skip the Seroquel – it makes me drool!  Oh the things you learn along the way on this journey. Laugh or cry – seriously.

So I sit. And I wait. And I make the choice to choose to believe that God really does know the ‘bigger picture’ and I may not. My parents divorced. I know what it is like – to love them both in different places. To be caught in the middle. (see Second Fiddle)

I am in a much better place. God rewrote my story…and I am grateful. I know love today. God restored my soul!

Healing, Hope, Spirituality

God is Not a Deadbeat Dad

God is NOT a deadbeat dad. With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days there is a lot of child support being collected – or not. I am one of those statistics. I have four kids from two different dads. With the first two I paid child support – for 16 years. Every dime. I even paid after the youngest turned 19 to get caught up.

And then I had two more kids with another dad. And I have placement this time? So he has been court ordered to pay for the last 9 years. But he hasn’t. So, back to court we go for the umpteenth time. He’s working, has new house, car, etc. yet he refuses to pay his support.

I wrote about this last year in

MY EVERYDAY LIFE PLUS COURT

http://www.dianarasmussen.com/my-everyday-life-plus-court/

I am sure I am not the only one in this boat. And I got to thinking about God. He’s not a deadbeat Dad. He provides more than enough in every story. Remember Joseph? Remember Esther? Remember Abraham? God always made a way where there was no way. He owns it all. And He is the Father that is never behind on his child support – because He never divorces us!

And I have to brag on God. The Lord has provided for me and the kids. We have always had a home, a bed, a car, and a job. God is faithful. He provides, especially for the widows and orphans, and the fatherless. And God restores. I had pretty much given up on love and marriage after that last divorce. I took a year off from seeing anyone. And just when I had given up hope God brought me a man he had chosen – Bob. Bob and I have been together 7 years now. I believe in love, I have seen it. And thanks to him, so have my children.

“For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.”
(Isaiah 54:5 NKJV)

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her.

I will give her her vineyards from there,
And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;
She shall sing there,
As in the days of her youth,
As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.

“And it shall be, in that day,”
Says the Lord,
“That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’
And no longer call Me ‘My Master,’

I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In lovingkindness and mercy;
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the Lord.”

(Hosea 2:14-16, 19-20 NKJV)

Domestic Violence and Abuse, Spirituality, Uncategorized

My everyday life – plus court!

Miss Diana needs to vent today, please forgive me in advance, I just have to be honest with myself today about how I feel…

Is there anyone who has been to court for your ex not paying child support?  Yesterday, I had the pleasure (yeah right) of going to court AGAIN.  I have been divorced for over 8 years now.  I have two kids still at home with me, and I was awarded full placement and custody after my ex’s pattern/arrests for Domestic Violence.  My ex was court ordered to pay child support.  Well, it  has been like pulling teeth.  I can’t tell you how many times I have been to court. I have to say I am very disillusioned with the whole process.

I thought it would only take one court appearance, my ex would get in trouble, and then he would do the right thing and pay child support. Yeah right, I must have had those rose-colored glasses on!  I  can’t believe a father could not want to provide for his kids.  Seriously, they are both teenagers now.  His pattern is to work 3 months and then quit. When we were married I moved 15 times in the 8 years.  Yeah, real stable relationship there Diana.

SO, back to yesterday, yes, he was charged with contempt again (this is the 4th time I think) and ordered to pay his support every week for the next year.  He has been in jail three times for contempt.  Funny, after he  gets arrested he magically comes up with bail money to get out.  So I’m thinking, wow, that was the same order I got 8 years ago, and he still hasn’t done it.  Where is the justice in that? I know I’m venting  here.  These are some of the things that I battle with in my everyday life.  Yet I go to court every time; I’m court ordered to be there, yippee!  Same nightmare, different day.Help me Lord.  And Lord, help my ex do the next right thing, I don’t want to go to court again.  This is stupid. And a waste of time.

The other side of the story:

On a more positive note I do want to testify about the goodness of God.   The Lord has provided for me and the kids these past 8 years, and our lives are much better without all the chaos and fighting.  God is faithful.He has protected us and fed us manna from heaven and given us water from the rock. Despite all the drama, I am much closer to the Lord than before.  Thank you for Your promises: I have to hold onto something positive when the s&^t hits the fan…and it is flying these days…

GOD’S PROMISE TO YOU AND TO ME:

Place Your Life Before God

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.  (Romans 12:2 MSG)

MY PRAYER FOR YOU AND ME TODAY

Ok Lord, you get my life.  The angry part, the hurt part, the frustrated part, the self-destructive part, the bitter part, the hurt part, the fearful part, the anxious part…why you want it I don’t know, but today it’s Yours, in Jesus’ Name.