Tag: Cheating

Peace of Mind at Last

You are always free to make a new choice. Just because you are in a bad situation does not mean it will not change. It will get better – but somethings just have to change.  I have been in bad relationships.  I have been lied to, hurt, cheated on – again and again.  Can I tell you something? IT’S NOT YOU – IT’S HIM.  I was faithful, he was not.  So once I found out – I had to decide. What do I do with this information?

I lied to myself for years.  Pretended it didn’t happen. Until it kept happening again and again.  They call it denial.  As long as I was denying things – nothing changed.  And my silence did not motivate my ex to change.  He just kept doing it.

So I tried the ‘fight’ thing.  But just be ready – especially if you are living in Domestic Violence.  Confronting the Abuser with anything is like lighting the wick on a bomb.  It gets worse.  And it did.

I finally got the courage to leave – and say NO – YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS TO ME ANYMORE! I don’t care what you do with your life – but I am not going to be part of your sick cheating self anymore!   No, I couldn’t change him. But I could change me.  And an unfaithful husband is no husband at all.  I thought I had a marriage – but he didn’t.  I though he was faithful – but he wasn’t.  I thought he wanted a great family life – but he didn’t.  I though he wanted to grow old together – but he didn’t.

My silence was like saying I was ‘ok’ with it – and I was not.

I had to quit lying to myself and make a new choice.

Even if it meant leaving everything.

I wrote a blog post a while back about how a woman finally has enough and leaves the abuser. Enough is enough sometimes. And even though when I and the kids left we lost everything – our house – our stuff – the kids toys – our clothes – our books – our music – etc., it was worth it. That was over 10 years ago. And I can say, God has restored us – in more ways than one!

My friend tmv took my original poem, HYPNOTIZED and made it into a song.  (I also spoke about the insanity of living in abuse with my poem A HANDFUL OF SAND).  I wrote about t here – she has an amazing story of God’s redemption as well. TMV is a 911 survivor who uses her gift to give God praise!  You can read more about here here – WHEN GOD IS EVERYTHING. This is her latest song.

 

 

Peace of Mind

©2014 Words and Music by tmv and Diana Rasmussen
Engineered/Mixed/Mastered by Scott Smith of SAS Recording and Marc Frigo of Frigo Recording

How she’d look up to him
With stars in her eyes
She was so mesmerized
His blue eyes just hypnotized her
She chose to ignore the signs
preferring to adore him

Each time when they’d go out
She’d dress up to look just right
Always dressing to appease
Her job was to keep the peace
But it all began to feel wrong
As he strung her along

She lives with Insanity
Prisoner of depravity
But to end her abuse
Only she can choose

Willpower looks so bright
Away from all of his fright
She could be free and have
Her peace of mind at last
He always criticized her
Found ways to minimize her
No matter what her move
Hed find ways to disapprove
No matter how hard she tried
He always justified it

She lives with Insanity
Prisoner of depravity
But to end her abuse
Only she can choose

Willpower looks so bright
Away from all of his fright
She could be free and have
Her peace of mind at last
Friends kept trying to help her to escape from his hell
That last blackend eye, Became her rebel yell

She Stopped his insanity
No more depravity
Only she could choose
To end her abuse

Her future looks so bright
Away from all of his fright
Now she’ll be free…
She can finally breathe…
She has…
Her peace of mind, at last
Her peace of mind at last

 

 

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A Handful of Sand

A Handful of Sand

Handful Of Sand

Copyright 2013 Diana Rasmussen

His cover is totally blown
All his secrets are known
With hang up calls
Ringing their home phone

All she has is a handful of sand
Falling through her fingers
The tighter she grips
The more she loses
Just a handful of sand

Accepting the finality
Of his depravity
She refuses
false reality

All she has is a handful of sand
Falling through her fingers
The tighter she grips
The more she loses
Just a handful of sand

Like a snake slithering in the grass
A man with two faces is dangerous

All she has is a handful of sand
Falling through her fingers
The tighter she grips
The more she loses
Just a handful of sand

MY PRAYER FOR YOU:

Dear Lord,

There are so many of us that have been lied to, and cheated on.  Adultery, cheating, lying, unfaithfulness, sneaking around – whatever. What they did was wrong, you know it and we know it.  Help us Lord.  We don’t know how to fix this mess.  How can we trust again? What do we do? Where do we go from here?  Looking to You for answers…

(P.S.  I do not know who I was supposed to share this with tonight.  Just know you are not alone.  I have been there too.  And yes, it was wrong.  When my ex cheated on me I had to decide – should I stay or should I go? Was counseling an option? Did he want to change? I couldn’t change him, or fix him. He did not know what love was.  And he didn’t want to stop and learn either. I couldn’t make him love me. It wasn’t about me – a hard heart doesn’t let anyone in, even me. And some people do NOT want to change.  And I was worth more than that – and so are you beloved.)

If I Wish Upon a Star

If I Wish Upon a Star

Copyright 2013 Diana Rasmussen
  image
white with little pink flowers
my special wedding gown
it was going to be my special day
if only he hadn’t strayed
*
If I wish upon a star
can I have back my dreams?
If I wish upon a star
will it quiet these silent screams?
*
white with little pink flowers
sitting on top of the covers
I found my best friend’s pillow
laying in the spare bedroom
*
If I wish upon a star
can I have back my dreams?
If I wish upon a star
will it quiet these silent screams?
*
A white wedding gown with little pink flowers
for sale in the paper, never been worn