Category: Boundaries

God and Boundaries (part 3)

So far this week we have looked at Boundaries – When to Say Yes and When to Say No and Good in and Bad Out.

Today we are looking at God and Boundaries
boundariescover

The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God.  God defines himself as a distinct, separate being, and He is responsible for himself.  He defines and takes responsibility for his nature by telling us what He thinks, feels, plans, allows, will not allow, likes, and dislikes.

He also defines Himself as separate from his Creation and from us.  He differentiates himself from others.  He tells us who He is and who He is not.  For example, he says that He is love and that He is not darkness.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1 John 4:16 NIV)

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. (1 John 1:5 NIV)

God also limits what He will allow in his yard.  He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior.  He guards his house and will not allow evil things to go on  there.  He invites people in who will love him, and he lets love flow outward to them at the same time.  The “gates” to his boundaries open and close appropriately.

EXAMPLES OF BOUNDARIES

Boundaries are anything that helps to differentiate you from someone else, or shows where you begin and end.  Here are some examples of boundaries:

1.  WORDS

In the physical world a fence or some other kind of structure usually delineates a boundary.  In the spiritual world, fences are invisible.  Nevertheless, you can create good protective fences with your words.

The most basic boundary-setting word is NO.  It lets others know that you exist apart from them and that you are in control of you.  Being clear about your NO and your YES is a theme that runs throughout the Bible.

All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matthew 5:37 NIV)

Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise you will be condemned. (James 5:12 NIV)

2.  TRUTH

Knowing the truth about God and his property puts limits on you and shows you his boundaries.  Realizing the truth of his unchangeable reality helps you to define yourself in relation to Him.  When He says that “you will reap what you sow,” (Gal 6:7), you either define yourself in relation to that reality, or continue to get injured if you try to go against it.  There is safety in the truth, whether it be knowing God’s truth or knowing the truth about yourself.

3. GEOGRAPHICAL DISTANCE

Proverbs 22:3 says that “the prudent man sees the evil and hides himself.” Sometimes physically removing yourself from a situation will help maintain boundaries.  You can do this to replentish yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually after you have given to your limit, as Jesus often did.

4. TIME

Taking time off from a person, or a project, can be a way of regaining ownership over some out-of-control aspect of your life where boundaries need to be set.

5. EMOTIONAL DISTANCE

Emotional distance is a temporary boundary to give your heart the space it need to be safe; it is never a permanent way of living.  People who have been in abusive relationships need to find a safe place to begin to “thaw out” emotionally.  Sometimes in abusive marriages the abused spouse needs to keep emotionally distant until the abusive partner begins to face his/her problems and become trustworthy.

You should not continue to set yourself up for hurt and disappointment.  If you have been in an abusive relationship, you should wait until it is safe and real patterns of change have been demonstrated before you go back.  Many people are too quick to trust someone in the name of forgiveness and not make sure that the other is producing “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8)

6.  OTHER PEOPLE

You need to depend on others to help you set and keep boundaries.  People subject to another person’s addictions, control, or abuse are finding that after years and years of “loving too much,” they can find the ability to create boundaries only through a support group.  Their support system is giving them the strength to say NO to the abuse and control for the first time in their lives.

7.  CONSEQUENCES

Trespassing on other people’s property carries consequences. “No Trespassing” signs usually carry a threat of prosecution if someone steps over the boundaries.  The Bible teaches this principle over and over, saying that if we walk one way, this will happen, and if we walk another way, something else will happen.

Just as the Bible sets consequences for certain behaviors, we need to back up our boundaries with consequences. How many marriages could have been saved if one spouse had followed through with the threat of “if you don’t stop drinking, (or coming home at midnight, or hitting me, or yelling at the kids), I will leave until you get some treatment!”  Or how many young adults’ lives would have been turned around if their parents had followed through with their threat of “no more money if you quit another job without having further employment” or “no bed if you continue to smoke marijuana in my house.”

Consequences give some good “barbs” to fences.  They let people know the seriousness of the trespass and the seriousness of our respect for ourselves. This teaches them that our commitment to living according to helpful values is something we hold dear and will fight to protect and guard.

from www.moyne.vic.gov.au

Tune in tomorrow for WHAT’S WITHIN MY BOUNDARIES?

Boundaries – Good In and Bad Out (part 2)

Yesterday we started learning about Boundaries, When to Say Yes and When to Say No.  Today lets look deeper.  This study is from the book:boundariescover

TO AND FOR

We are responsible TO others for ourselves. “Carry each other’s burdens, “ says Galatians 6:2, “and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  This verse shows our responsibility TO one another.

Many times others have “burdens” that are too big to bear.  They do not have enough strength, resources, or knowledge to carry the load, and they need help.  Denying ourselves to do for others is what they cannot do for themselves is showing the sacrificial love of Christ.  This is what Christ did for us.  He did what we could not do for ourselves; he saved us.  This is being responsible “to”.

On the other hand, verse 5 says that “each one should carry his own load.”  Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry.  These things are our own particular “load” that we need to take daily responsibility for and work out. No one can do certain things for us.  We have to take ownership of certain aspects of life that are our own ‘”load”.

The Greek words for burden and load give us insight into the meaning of these texts.  The Greek word for burden means “excess burdens,” or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down.

In contrast, the Greek word for load means “cargo” or “the burden of daily toil.” This word describes the everyday things we all need to do.  These loads are like knapsacks.  Knapsacks are possible to carry.  We are expected to carry our own.

Problems arise when people act as if their “boulders’ are daily loads, and refuse help, or as if their “daily loads” are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry. The results of these two instances are either perpetual pain or irresponsibility.

GOOD IN, BAD OUT

Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it.  They help us to “guard our heart with all diligence.” We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside.  In short, boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.

Sometimes, we have bad on the inside and good on the outside.  In these instances, we need to be able to open up our boundaries to let the good in and the bad out.

In other words, our fences need gates in them.

And when good is on the outside, we need to open our gates and “let it in.” Jesus speaks of the phenomenon in “receiving” Him and His Truth

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.(Rev 3:20 NIV)

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12 NIV)

Other people have good things to give us, and we need to open up to them.

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you.  We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us.  As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also. (2 Corinthians 6:11-13 NIV)

In short, boundaries are not walls. 

The Bible does not say that we are to be “walled off” from others.  In fact it says that we are to be “one” with them.

I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. (John 17:11 NIV)

But in every community, all members have their own space and property.  The important thing is that property lines be permeable enough to allow passing and strong enough to keep out danger.

Often, when people are abused while growing up, they reverse the function of boundaries and keep the bad in and the good out.Psalm 56

Tune in tomorrow for GOD AND BOUNDARIES AND EXAMPLES OF BOUNDARIES!

Boundaries – When to Say Yes and When to Say No (part 1)

So, you wonder, if you used to live in abuse and domestic violence, how did you get out Ms. D?  Funny you should ask.  I recently came across a book/teaching/bible study that was planted in me about 10 years ago.  This particular way of looking at things helped me learn how to build healthy boundaries and have healthy relationships.  I didn’t know what healthy looked like.  I did not have any boundaries – I said yes to everything and everyone. And I got buried.  This series will focus on the book:

boundariescoverBOUNDARIES-  WHEN TO SAY YES AND WHEN TO SAY NO” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

What Does a Boundary Look Like?

In the physical world, boundaries are easy to see.  Fences, signs, walls, moats with alligators, manicured lawns, or hedges are all physical boundaries. In their differing appearances, they give the same message: THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS.  The owner of the property is legally responsible for what happens on his or her property. Non-owners are not responsible for the property.  And if it’s not yours – leave it alone.

In the Spiritual world, boundaries are just as real, but often harder to see.  The goal of this lesson is to help you determine your intangible boundaries and to recognize them as an ever-present reality that can increase your love and save your life.  In reality, these boundaries define your soul, and they help you guard it and maintain it.

“And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” (Genesis 2:16-17 NIV)

“Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.:” (Proverbs 4:23 NIV)

Me and Not Me

Boundaries define us.  They define what is me and what is not me.  A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.

Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.  If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to do with it what I like. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options.  However, if I do not “own” my life, my choices and options become very limited.

Think how confusing it would be if someone told you to “guard this property diligently, because I will hold you responsible for what happens here,” and then did not tell you the boundaries of the property.  Or they did not give you the means with which to protect the property? This would be not only confusing but also potentially dangerous.

This is exactly what happens to us emotionally and spiritually, however.  God designed a world where we all live “within” ourselves; that is, we inhabit our own souls, and we are responsible for the things that make up “us”.

The Bible tells us clearly what our parameters are and how to protect them, but often our family, or other past relationships, confuses us about our parameters. For example, if you were raised in a home where you were always berated and put-down, you many not have any boundaries; you might not be able to say no to anything. Or, you just have walls — to make sure no one is coming in.

In addition to showing us what we are responsible for, boundaries help us to define what is not on our property and what we are not responsible for.  We are not, for example, responsible for other people. We are not responsible for what others do or don’t do with their things either.  Nowhere are we commanded to have “other-control”; although we spend a lot of time and energy trying to get it!

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR Part 2 – “To and For” and “Good In, Bad Out”

Keeping the Peace – meet Ahab

Well yesterday we talked about Jezebel and the Spirit of Control, today lets visit Ahab.  I was an Ahab, for years. I would do anything to keep the peace, I hated confrontation, I would roll-over-and-play-dead way too easily. When the Abuser said it was my fault, I just agreed, to avoid an argument.  But then, after a while, you start to believe those things.  Even if they are not true.  Jezebel can’t do what they do without an Ahab.

Again, once I was free, I had to look at my behavior, and what I could do differently so I would not end up in the same place.  I did not ask for the abuse, it was wrong.  But what was I doing to change my thoughts and behavior so that an Abusive person would not entice me again?  These are the questions I struggled with.  Was it my fault – no, I didn’t deserve abuse, and neither did my children.  Did I ask for it – no, that was another lie.  Was I deceived – yes, and after years, unfortunately, the abnormal becomes normal.  I learned how to ‘survive’.

Did I want to go around this mountain one more time – NO!  That’s when God lead me out of the valley of Abuse, when I was open to a new way.  He put people in my like that affirmed me.  “No, you are not crazy, this is wrong.”  Thank you Lord, for sending those Angels!

God gave me a DOOR OF HOPE in my valley of trouble!

Once again, another Steve Sampson’s book; this one is called

http://www.amazon.com/Discerning-Defeating-Ahab-Spirit-ebook/dp/B008FZ3XQ0/ref=tmm_kin_title_0

“Discerning and Defeating The Ahab Spirit

 the Key to Breaking Free”

Characteristics of the Ahab Spirit

Passive versus Aggressive character traits

Overmerciful overlegalistic. Passive people like Ahab tend to be overmerciful, seeing the best in every person and overlooking too much. They forgive others too quickly (not making them aware of their offense) and also forgive people who have not asked for forgiveness and are not even remorseful. This almost certainly guarantees the abuser’s continued behavior. Aggressive people like Jezebel are on the other extreme — harsh in their expectations and unforgiving when people do not meet their unrealistic expectations.

Walking away from a person versus walking over a person. People with passive Ahab personalities quickly give away their power and walk away in order to avoid conflict. They find it easier to push their feelings inside. On the other hand, people with aggressive personalities seem to have no concern or conscience about whom they step on and use, as long as they get their way.

Avoiding confrontation versus in-your-face confrontation. Passive people avoid confrontation at all costs and will even blame themselves when others insult or betray them. However, aggressive people have no problem handing out insults and pushing blame on whomever they happen to choose. They have no regard for others’ feelings, and will more or less tell you this.

Peacekeepers versus peacemakers. Passive personalities are notorious for being peacekeepers. They want the temporary, immediate gratification of keeping the peace at any price rather than “making peace” by boldly dealing with the issues at hand, which would result in more permanent, long-term gratification.

Grumbling under one’s breath versus open verbal abuse. People with passive personalities will resent verbal assaults, but they will refuse to take the offender to task and stop the behavior. Instead, they usually walk away grumbling. Aggressive people feel free to openly vent, abuse others and tell them off. Just minutes later, they will act as if nothing happened, even though they have left resentful people with wounded hearts in their wake. Jezebel personalities are so self-centered that they do not even realize they have severely damaged the people who happened to be in their destructive path, and Ahab personalities leave others feeling responsible for them as victims.

Do not mind being wrong (if you’ll approve of me) versus refusing ever to be wrong (I’ll love you if you see things my way). Passive people often have such a need for approval that they will take the blame for anything if they perceive it as winning them your acceptance. Aggressive people will love you until you disagree with them! Then that love becomes a destructive hatred for you, and they will even go to the point of trying to destroy you and your reputation.

Fear of nonacceptance versus fear of rejection. While passive people will do almost anything to gain acceptance, aggressive people (who are always insecure and often wounded people) have a huge fear of rejection. Their actions come out of an “attack mode” because they are determined never to experience rejection again.

Low self-esteem (clothed in nice) versus low self-esteem (clothed in fear of more hurt). Passive people are usually nice people — too nice. They have low self-worth and try to gain ground by winning acceptance. Aggressive people also have low self-esteem, but usually they are bold, arrogant and pushy — all in an effort (because of old wounds) to avoid more hurt.

Fear of what people think of me versus fear of people not agreeing with me. The fear of man totally binds most passive people. They spend amazing amounts of energy trying to please everyone — even those they do not know or those who could not care less about them. Aggressive individuals, on the other hand, are so insecure that they see anyone who chooses to disagree with them as the enemy. Filled with their own insecurities, aggressive people perceive any type of correction as more rejection.

 Anger directed inward versus anger directed toward others. Passive people are notorious for directing anger and insults back at themselves. If something goes wrong, they simply blame themselves. They often have major anger issues and will ultimately become passive-aggressive. Aggressive people pour their anger out on anyone who is available. They rarely look at themselves because they are so convinced that they are right. These aggressive personalities are self-appointed figures who think one of their roles is to correct the rest of the world. Sometimes they are sarcastically referred to as “gods in training.”

Accepting blame too easily versus projecting blame (you made me do it). Typically, passive people will quickly embrace blame in a situation in order to put everyone else at ease. While this is actually a kind of false humility, passive people have the goal of making everyone happy again in order to increase their own self-worth. Like Jezebel, aggressive people will take blame for nothing! Even when caught in a wrong, their defense is, “You made me do it.” “Yes, I robbed the bank, but it’s your fault because you didn’t give me enough money …”

(list is from: http://www.propheciesofrevelation.org)


Excerpt taken from “Discerning and Defeating the Ahab Spirit: The Key to Breaking Free From Jezebel” by Steve Sampson, pages 34-36 To read more, buy the book! Steve Sampson has written a number of books about the Christian walk. He travels and ministers extensively, offering encouragement, faith, and healing to the body of Christ. Steve has three children and lives in Birmingham, Alabama.

from: www.doorposts.org
from: http://www.doorposts.org

The Jezebel Spirit – Discerning the Spirit of Control

Every now and again you receive a teaching that transforms you, that helps you see things as they really are.  I am sharing this, as it helped me know why I was continually hooking up with abusive men. Why was I the one attracted to the Jezebel Spirit?  Yep, I was an Ahab. I would do anything for love and attention.  I didn’t see it then, but once I was free and safe, I had to look at my behavior.  I didn’t want to keep repeating the same pattern.  I took a year off from dating – yep, for the first time in my life – I wasn’t attached to anyone.  It was the best thing I ever did.  I came to know God.  I learned to sit at the feet of Jesus and let Him heal the emptiness inside  my soul. Places and wounds that I had tried to heal with relationships – bad relationships.  And then, things started to change for Ms. D.

The Bible Story comes from 1 Kings 16,

1 Kings 21 &

2 Kings 9  

AHAB AND JEZEBEL: ABUSE OF AUTHORITY

The following is an excerpt from Steve Sampson‘s Book

“Confronting Jezebel”.

Maybe you have met this person – nice to you when someone is watching, then turns around and stabs you in the back.  You know the one – they always have to be the center of attention.  And will use anyone or anything to get on top.  I have run across this Spirit more than once, both in church and in the world.   And she/he has a partner – Ahab, the negotiator,  the doormat, the one who will do anything for love and acceptance – whether it was right or wrong.  Yep I was an Ahab…(Steve has a book for that too!)

jezebel

The Jezebel Spirit

30 Amazingly Consistent Traits of the Jezebel Spirit

“Jezebel is a spirit, but it has found access through uncrucified flesh.”

Although the Jezebel spirit seems to be more prevalent in women, there is no doubt that it functions just as proficiently through men. (page 59)

1. Refuses to admit guilt or wrong
A Jezebel spirit is never wrong, unless it is a temporary admittance of guilt to gain “favor” with someone. To accept responsibility would violate the core of insecurity and pride from which it operates. When a Jezebel apologizes it isnever in true repentance or acknowledgment of wrongdoing but rather “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt.”

2. Takes credit for everything
While a strong trait of Jezebel is to never take responsibility for his wrong actions or behavior, he also is quick to take credit for benefits for which he contributed no effort.

3. Uses people to accomplish its agenda
The Jezebel spirit lets others do its dirty work. The Jezebel gets another person’s emotions stirred up, then lets that person go into a rage. The Jezebel sits back looking innocent, saying “Who me? What did I do?” This behavior makes it difficult for even the most ardent truth seekers to pin one down. The Jezebel spirit is clever in its agenda.

4. Withholds information
This is a form of control. A Jezebel wields power over you by knowing something you don’t know in a situation. In the eyes of a Jezebel, having information you don’t have is a powerful weapon of control.

5. Talks in confusion
It is impossible to converse with a Jezebel in logic. One pastor wrote a six-page letter to his elders about a situation in the church. The context was so vague that no one was without confusion. This is a way to maintain control and domination. When confronting a Jezebel, the subject may be changed five times in one minute. Confusion keeps them “undiscovered” and unexposed.

6. Volunteers for anything
A Jezebel volunteers in order to establish control. He seemingly has endless (nervous) energy and eagerly looks for opportunities to be in charge of projects. Although he will work hard, his motive is never pure, and eventually his secret agenda cannot be hidden.

7. Lies
A Jezebel lies convincingly. No one can lie better than he can. He can turn on the charm and make you believe blue is red. He always fools those whom he’s just met while those who have been victimized by his tactics stand by helplessly. The fact that Jezebel can look you in the eye and lie just shows how strong and adamant this rebellious and recalcitrant spirit is.

8. Ignores people
A classic ploy of a controller is to ignore you when you disagree with him. This tactic is frequently used by leaders when someone doesn’t agree with their plans, and they isolate the person by ignoring him. Some in these situations have been ignored for months, just because they chose not to be a puppet and say to every idea or whim. This puts the person out of the leader’s grace and forces him to either “come around” to the leader’s way of thinking or be indefinitely ignored. One is not free to disagree with a controller.

9. Never gives credit or shows gratitude
A Jezebel will rarely acknowledge another person’s actions, not even for something that turned out to greatly benefit the Jezebel. He just cannot bring himself to say thank you or to acknowledge that someone else did something right. There are those who have gone out of their way to bless a Jezebel by being the catalyst of sending him on a trip or giving a gift. Yet never will there be a thank you. This again puts the controller in a position of power.

10. Criticizes everyone
This is a characteristic of a controller. He has to be the one who looks good, so he will quickly sharply criticize anyone who makes a suggestion or plan. Even though he likes the plan, he can only criticize it because the idea did not originate from him. Criticizing others elevates the controller in his own mind.

11. One-upmanship
A person with a Jezebel spirit will always upstage another person. He feels threatened by anyone who dares to steal the limelight or anyone who is a threat to his power and control. If you are with such a person and tell of your accomplishment or victory, you can be assured he will quickly tell of something he has accomplished.

12. Sequesters information
A Jezebel loves to be in control of information. If there is ever a situation where information is important, he will push to be the “first” to know it. He seems to know everything about everyone. Where he gets all his information is beyond comprehension, but he can dictate to you data and details about people’s lives and actions in mass quantities.

13. Uses information
A Jezebel uses information as a leverage for power and then shares tidbits with you, often things told him in confidence. This gives him a sense of power, even to the point of trying to impress people by “knowing things” that others do not.

14. Talks incessantly
Many people talk habitually, but a Jezebel uses talking as a form of control. In a typical conversation, he does all the talking, whether it is about sports, the weather or the Kingdom of God. Because of this form of control, he is unable to receive input from anyone in his life. All conversation with him is one-sided. You are doing the listening.

15. Spiritualizes everything
When a controller is confronted, he commonly spiritualizes the situation, explaining it off on God. This prevents him from owning up to responsibility required of him. The implication is always, “You’ve got a problem; I don’t.”

16. Is insubordinate
A Jezebel never takes the side of the employer or a person in authority, unless it is a temporary action to make himself look good. He often will take credit for someone else’s idea. His main desire is for power and control. There is no conscience when an opportunity for recognition presents itself.

17. Is pushy and domineering
A person with a Jezebel spirit pressures you to do things, seemingly ripping from you your right to choose or make a decision for yourself. He makes others feel as though they don’t have enough sense to think for themselves.

18. Is clairvoyant
Many who operate with a spirit of control also have a clairvoyant spirit. A Jezebel has supernatural help in knowing and sensing information. If he uses this against you, he may say “I can’t tell you how I know this. I just know it.” This is not the Holy Spirit, but the help of a clairvoyant or familiar spirit. Clairvoyance may be defined as the power to perceive things that are out of the range of human senses.

19. Uses the element of surprise
A Jezebel’s main thrust is to be in control, and a large part of control is catching you off guard. Therefore, the element of surprise works well when he shows up a day early for a meeting, etc.

20. Sows seeds of discord
A Jezebel will continually belittle another person in the most subtle way. The strategy is to “gain” control by minimizing the value of another person. It is common for him to tell half-truths to implicate another person in your eyes. By sowing these seeds, he hopes to eventually reap a harvest of destruction, improving his position of power.

21. Commands attention
A Jezebel likes to be the center of attention and doesn’t like to see others recognized and lauded. When someone else is recognized, he will quickly undermine the person’s accomplishments verbally.

22. Is vengeful
Since a Jezebel is never wrong, if you contradict or confront one, get ready to become his worst enemy. As long as you are in agreement with him, all is fine. But if you confront or challenge him, then look out. You are the target of his fiercest venom. A Jezebel will stop at nothing to destroy your reputation.

23. Attempts to make you look like you’re the Jezebel
A Jezebel spirit is difficult to pin down. If the person is near to being confronted, he or she will skillfully twist the entire situation, trying to make the innocent person look like the one who is attempting to control. As always, the Jezebel will do anything to look like the one who is right.

24. Insinuates disapproval
A Jezebel will often imply disapproval to those under his or her control. The controlled person feels no freedom to express an opinion, for fear of disapproval. This often manifests in a marriage or in a working environment.

25. Knows it all
A Jezebel is usually blatant regarding his knowledge of everything. Quick to express his opinion in any area, he leaves little room for anyone to point out the other side of an issue. He has made idols of his opinions.

26. Is ambitious
The Jezebel has strong desire, but all for self. “I want what I want when I want it,” describes his worship of self-will. A Jezebel leader will never use the words, “We have a vision,” but rather, “My vision is thus and so.”

27. Gift giving
Gift giving is a form of manipulation a Jezebel uses that always makes you feel obligated to him. It also compromises the victim in speaking direct and confronting truth. Naturally, not everyone who gives gifts is guilty of control, but gift giving is a tactic used by those who have a need to control.

28. Is independent
No one has input in a Jezebel’s life. He fraternizes with no one unless it is to get you to “cooperate” with his agenda.

29. Is religious
A Jezebel dwells in the local church but doesn’t like authority unless he is in the position of authority.

30. Hides
We all want to believe that the person with a Jezebel spirit is delivered. The person may seem “normal” for a period, exhibiting none of the classic traits. Then suddenly without warning a situation will arise, once again with the spirit taking control and wreaking havoc over lives. Hopefully, true repentance will come. Only then will the person be delivered.

NOTE: A friend has reminded me of one very prominent and important characteristic that is missing from this list written by Steve Sampson so I have added characteristic 31.

31. Sex and seduction
Jezebels will always try to lure their victim into bed to commit fornication or adultery. Jezebel really does not care about sex. This evil spirit uses sex as a way to control you.


Excerpt taken from “Confronting Jezebel: Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Control” by Steve Sampson, pages 62-68 To read more,buy the book!

Steve Sampson has written a number of books about the Christian walk. He travels and ministers extensively, offering encouragement, faith, and healing to the body of Christ. Steve has three children and lives in Birmingham, Alabama.

I found this list on http://www.propheciesofrevelation.org.

from http://churchofjezebel.com/
from http://churchofjezebel.com/

 

“But why do you let that Jezebel who calls herself a prophet mislead my dear servants into Cross-denying, self-indulging religion? I gave her a chance to change her ways, but she has no intention of giving up a career in the god-business. I’m about to lay her low, along with her partners, as they play their sex-and-religion games. The bastard offspring of their idol-whoring I’ll kill. Then every church will know that appearances don’t impress me. I x-ray every motive and make sure you get what’s coming to you. (Revelation 2:20-23 MSG)