Tag: Social change

Journal Entries from a Former Domestic Violence Victim

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  I have not posted on this subject yet this month, but today I want to share a few entries from my journal.  Someone you know is most likely affected by Domestic Violence.  Last I heard DV affects 1/3 women and 1/6 men in the United States.  And I am sure these numbers go up in other places.

I have been in many abusive relationships. Not by choice. I didn’t want to live that way. But, thanks to God, I got the help I needed and my kids and I have been free from DV for about 10 years now.  Being as I have had more than one ‘psycho’ in my life, I will change the names and dates so they don’t start harassing me again.  This is one of the reasons I have not always shared. We do open ourselves up for more harassment if the Abuser finds out. But I want you to know the sheer terror and fear a victim lives with every day.  And it does get worse when we leave, trust me.

One of the things the Police, Lawyers, and Advocates taught me early on was to keep a journal of every abusive thing that happens.  We often have to prove in court that the pattern of Abuse has happened over a period of time.  I have also shared these with Guardian-at-litum – the attorny that was appointed for the kids when I was getting divorced.  It helped me receive FULL custody and FULL placement of my kids.  And it reminds me, of the truth.  Denial is powerful. And so is learned helplessness. Thank you Lord, for deliverance from violent and evil men!

For my protection I will name the Abuser “Joe”, but in my journal I used his real name. These are just a few entries…

 

Journal Entries from a Former Domestic Violence Victim

  • ” I can’t believe how nice Joe is being after this fight.  Take a step back Diana. Remember how nice Delilah was to Samson before she handed him over to be killed?  Don’t believe it. It is not true.  The spirit is not dumb.  Don’t go there, not now, it is not the right time.  The proof is in the pudding”

  • “Joe’s anger is not the issue.  He is angry and abusive to any woman.  It is the Spirit of Anger that drives him. And Joe likes it that way.  But God will be your shield and buckler.”

  • “I can’t believe Joe came to church after I left him. And then he sits down right next to me.  God speaks to my spirit, “Let My works speak for themselves.” The Lord will be my Protector and my Defense.  And then Joe tried to touch me. In the spirit I felt him put his hands around my neck as he had done so many times.  I got up and walked away. God is my Defender and Protector – not you Joe.”

  • “Last night was prayer group. I was praying for my kids. While praying  I spoke against the spirit in Joe. It looked like an Octopus with arms everywhere.  I spoke against in Jesus Name and it crawled into  a corner.”

  • “I can’t believe I slept with the Enemy. And then I married him.”

  • “Don’t respond when the Demons rise.  Joe came to pick up the kids for his visit at my work. Comes over and says, ‘I love you D.’ Those are just empty words again.  I don’t respond.  So then he took my daughter J and went and cut her hair – really, really short. Joe knew I would not have approved. He chose to use her as a weapon against me, and she is only 6. That is not love.”

  • “Well, Joe screamed at me in the parking lot at my work – again. My friend Patty came out and asked if there was anything wrong and if I was ok. Joe kept screaming at me.”

  • “Joe came to drop off kids on the side of the building. (It was a grocery store – we always met in public places for drop offs and pick ups for safety reasons. My youngest was only 4 and still in a carseat). Joe pulled next to me and tried to carry my youngest child into my van. I told Joe he was not going in my van.  I buckled my child in and Joe traps me and the kids in my van. He stands in the sliding door and refuses to move.  Joe says his name is still on the van and he wants it back.  I get a picture in my head of an angry dog – yelling and screaming and barking all while it devours its prey. I backed up out of the van, using my body to force him back and away from the kids. Protect the kids Diana. I shut the sliding van door and got in the drivers seart.  I tried to roll up the window but I wasn’t fast enough. Joe held it down.  I started the car and started backing up – terrified.  Joe finally backed off, got in his car and squeeled his tires as he sped away.”

  • “No more Lord – I release Joe to You.  I took off my wedding ring today and put it in the garage. Deliver us Lord.  Joe called me 3 times that night.  I didn’t answer.”

  • “It’s 40 days since I left. I went back to the park and cried a pillar of tears. I wrestled with God and ‘buried’ Joe and our marriage. The Army used to kill Deserters.  It’s over.”

 

Psalm 35:1-9 (AMP)


Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me!

Take hold of shield and buckler, and stand up for my help!

Draw out also the spear and javelin and close up the way of those who pursue and persecute me. Say to me, I am your deliverance!

Let them be put to shame and dishonor who seek and require my life; let them be turned back and confounded who plan my hurt!

Let them be as chaff before the wind, with the Angel of the Lord driving them on!

Let their way be through dark and slippery places, with the Angel of the Lord pursuing and afflicting them.

For without cause they hid for me their net; a pit of destruction without cause they dug for my life.

Let destruction befall [my foe] unawares; let the net he hid for me catch him; let him fall into that very destruction.

Then I shall be joyful in the Lord; I shall rejoice in His deliverance.

 

 

You can learn more in my book SNOW WHITE DARKNESS 

available on Amazon, Kindle, and Google Play

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Who Are You Girl?

I had to laugh when I read today’s Daily Prompt:

Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece

You make a new friend. Make them a mix tape (or playlist, for the younger folks) that tells them who you are through song.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us MUSIC.

That has been my mission, my goal so to speak.  I am a musician as many of you know.  God has opened doors for me to play every week at Janesville Apostolic Ministries in Janesville, WI with my husband, Bob.  We had a Church Dedication yesterday that was absolutely amazing. I’ll use another post for that.  Let’s just say Ms D had a blast singing and dancing!

I also write, sing, and record songs about breaking free from Domestic Violence.  Silent No More – that’s me.  Singing about what really goes on behind closed doors when you live in abuse.  Not to glorify what happened, but to raise awareness.  People don’t know what happens unless we tell them.  People can’t help the next woman out of abuse if they don’t know how or what to do next.

Here is my Bio from Broadjam:diana rasmussen

Diana is a Music Minister, Blogger, Poetess, and Recording Artist based in Southern WI. She has received many TOP 10 AWARDS from Broadjam, Inc. in the Jazz, Country, Folk, and World Categories.

Diana Rasmussen is a Soul Survivor. She plays live at the local coffee shops and leads the Worship Team every week at Janesville Apostolic Ministries. Her songs focus on overcoming adversity, breaking free from domestic violence, and living beyond depression. Fans have called her songs, “haunting, powerful, and edgy”. Diana sounds like Annie Lennox and Bonnie Raitt, and there is a raw honesty about her lyrics.

WALKING WOUNDED by Secret Angel and Diana Rasmussen

Mixed/Mastered by Chameleon

Diana (PrayersandPromises) and Secret Angel (Secretangelps911) met on WordPress. Having both come from a past of abuse, they have a lot in common. Secret Angel has written a book sharing her story, “THE WALKING WOUNDED”. Secret Angel wrote the poem “The Walking Wounded” and Diana put a portion of the poem to music. A portion of the proceeds of this song will benefit Secret Angel Ministry.

Diana is an established Singer/Songwriter and “Soul Survivor” with many TOP 10 Songs on the Indie charts at Broadjam, Inc.  Her songs focus on overcoming adversity, breaking free from domestic violence, and living beyond depression. Fans have called her songs, “haunting, powerful, and edgy”. Diana sounds like Annie Lennox and Bonnie Raitt, and there is a raw honesty about her lyrics. Diana has received many TOP 10 AWARDS from Broadjam, Inc. in the Country, Folk, Jazz, and World Categories.

Secret Angel’s book, “THE WALKING WOUNDED”, talks about how abuse happens and how victims become trapped in their situations. It brings understanding to the plight of victims as Secret Angel reveals her own true story, including how God intervened in her life and rescued her. “THE WALKING WOUNDED” is in publication currently and will be released in August of 2013, with a plan for the majority of proceeds to go into ministries that help victims of abuse.

SNOW WHITE DARKNESS – An album sharing what it feels like to be in Domestic Violence.

By Diana Rasmussen, Chris Williams, Chameleon,

Mixed/Mastered by Protilius Productions and Chameleon.

1 in 3 women are broken, battered, or scared by abuse or domestic violence. These songs tell story.

$2 of every Album sale (20%) will benefit Secret Angel Ministry for building Safe Houses all across the US and the World.

LATTER RAIN –  An album that features the best of Diana’s Instrumentals with music from all over the World! Many of these songs have won TOP 10 Awards at Broadjam, Inc. Take a break from everyday life, and come on the journey – to a secret place for rest and revival…

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Nine tracks of “Das Boot” album by U96 | Philosophic Notes of Alexey Markovich
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  4. Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece 6.10 | Family, Photos, Food & Craft
  5. Daily Prompt: Silence Is Full Of Music… | Ese’ s Voice
  6. Music You Can Grow Into. | The Ambitious Drifter
  7. Daily Prompt: MIxed Tape Masterpiece – Music | Charles Ray’s Ramblings
  8. 23 About Me | Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece | likereadingontrains
  9. Mix Tape Masterpiece | geekergosum
  10. Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece | Steve Says….
  11. Daily Prompt: Mix Tape Masterpiece – ANIMUSIC RESONANT CHAMBER | SERENDIPITY
  12. Mix Tape: Daily Prompt | BLUE BEAD PUBLICATIONS
  13. La la la. | Crossroads
  14. My life explained with Beatles’ songs | Neva Samaki