Category: humor

10 Quotes on Living in an Empty Nest

Our family has had 3 graduation this year – two from High School and one from College. Yes, we are blessed and so proud of all of our 6 kids. But, can I ask, “Now what?” We still have one son at home, at least for one more semester.  My son went to visit family for the next 2 weeks, so here my husband and I sit. We have 2 older kids who are doing amazing and are out on their own.

We have finished 3 Netflix series this week. I am just about caught up on laundry. I haven’t cooked in days. How do you people do this? This changing seasons things is very confusing for this Mama. I feel all flustered!

So I went looking for wisdom. Here are some great quotes about living in the empty nest!

10  Quotes on Living in the Empty Nest

  1. “It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.” —Ann Landers
  2. “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” —Robert Bault
  3. “When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator. It’s like being the vice president of the United States.” — Erma Bombeck
  4. “A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” — Agatha Christie
  5. “Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.” — The Dalai Lama
  6. “The day a child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.” ― Alden Nowlan
  7. “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.” ― Dorothy Parker
  8. “Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed.” ― Erma Bombeck
  9. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” ― Phyllis Diller
  10. “All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them. ” ― — Erma Bombeck

 

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God Doesn’t  Plant Money Trees

This morning I read Mark 4 where Jesus talks about the seed and 4 types of soil. You know I always focused on the soil. I wanted to be that good soil that would produce the harvest. But I missed the seed part of the story.

Mark 4:13-14 NKJV

And He said to them, “Do you not understand this parable? How then will you understand all the parables? The sower sows the word. 
Mark 4:13-14 AMP

Then He said to them, “Do you not understand this parable? How will you understand and grasp the meaning of all the parables? The sower sows the word of God, the good news regarding the way of salvation. 

Have you ever cut open an apple, a lemon, or a kiwi? There are tons of seeds inside that kiwi. Each seed has the potential to grow another plant. Harvest already there – just waiting to be planted. Tons of possibilities already inside that seed. God put it there when He spoke it. 

Next I turned on the TV.  It was pretty early. I happened on one TV Preacher talking about the seed. He cut open some fruit, showed us the seeds, and then bragged about how he was debt free and had tons of money in the bank because he sowed money one time. Told the sad story of how he was losing his house, his job, you know. But then he went to church that day and pledged $1000 to another Preacher. Then he said people just started giving him money and now he’s rich. He got to the part of how I needed to send him $1000 so I could activate my faith. He said if I planted the seed of $1000 God would multiply it back to me. That’s when I turned the channel.

Came upon another TV Preacher. Funny, he was preaching the same thing. He said just like an apple tree had seeds to make another apple tree inside, if I sent him $1000 God would give it back to me with a harvest. That’s when I turned off the tv!

I went to brush my teeth and it hit me, 

“The seed is the Word of God, not money! 

God doesn’t plant money trees!”

It makes me mad when people use religion to push their own addenda. I don’t recall Jesus ever preaching like this. I think some TV Preachers are just money changers in the temple. Time to turn over some tables!

  
Genesis 1:11-13  NKJV

Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth”; and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. So the evening and the morning were the third day. 

  

When You Have to Eat Your Words – 10 Quotes on Change

Have you ever had a day where you had to eat your own words? Yeah, something you said a day or two ago comes back around and you end up having to eat those same words you spoke? Me too. I wrote yesterday about Gratitude. I didn’t know that today I would need those verses to remind myself a few things, lol.

So I write this blog to find hope in this crazy world. And I have to admit, sometimes the world gets crazier! Last night I read this article on Facebook about how HOPE thrives when there is CHANGE. Now that’s true. But what if I don’t like CHANGE? Too bad Ms. D. Change is inevitable, growth is optional I hear. So I thought I would search out some wisdom on the subject. Here are some great quotes by really famous people about CHANGE.

Change

10 QUOTES ON CHANGE

  1. “You can’t stop the future
    You can’t rewind the past
    The only way to learn the secret
    …is to press play.”
    Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why
  2. “They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”
    Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol
  3. “We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.”
    ― C. JoyBell C.
  4. “We are not trapped or locked up in these bones. No, no. We are free to change. And love changes us. And if we can love one another, we can break open the sky.”
    Walter Mosley, Blue Light
  5. “Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”
    Maya Angelou
  6. “And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time.”
    Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing
  7. “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”
    Mother Teresa
  8. “Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
    Eckhart Tolle
  9. “One day spent with someone you love can change everything.”
    Mitch Albom, For One More Day
  10. “There were people who went to sleep last night,
    poor and rich and white and black,
    but they will never wake again.
    And those dead folks would give anything at all
    for just five minutes of this weather
    or ten minutes of plowing.
    So you watch yourself about complaining.
    What you’re supposed to do
    when you don’t like a thing is change it.
    If you can’t change it,
    change the way you think about it.”
    Maya Angelou

(All quotes found on Goodreads, Images from Diana Rasmussen and Pinterest)

Christmas Isn’t Always a Hallmark Card – 10 Funny Ideas

Sometimes I look at those cards. You know the pretty ones with the happy families on the front? My life just doesn’t look like that. No snowmen – it’s like 55 today in WI. No sleigh rides, no happy horses. Where do they get these ideas? Who really lives like that anyway?

Maybe I should start my own card line. Ones for real life.

10 Funny Ideas for Real Life Christmas Cards:

  1. Let’s have multiple Christmases this year to make sure everyone can come. Yeah, splitting time with the ex’s just makes the Holiday more Merry!
  2. Do I really have to buy a present for the ex from the kids? Does it have to be nice?
  3. Another Holiday? Another family fight? Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
  4. Spiked punch or unspiked? Silver bells, silver bells…
  5. Bills or presents – that is the question!
  6. Are you coming unglued? Yes, me too – let’s try some tape.
  7. I can’t believe I forgot to buy a present for…let me go find something quick.
  8. Am I a Redneck if I re-gift things I didn’t use from last year?
  9. Where’s that darn tape again? Ugggh!
  10. If I hear one more Christmas Carol I am going to lose my mind. Oh yeah, I think I already wrapped that up!

 

 

Here’s to the rest of us – with a bit of humor thrown in to keep our sanity! Don’t worry – God knows us and loves us, humor and all. Think of the big job He has with all his kiddos. Now that is a handful! God bless us everyone!

 

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(All images from Pinterest. Maxine Cartoons are by Maxine.com)

The Older I Get…

The older I get…

  • The more I look like my mother.
  • The more I realize my parents knew a thing or two.
  • The more I learn and the less I know.
  • The more forgiving I am to myself and others. We’re all a little broken in places.
  • The more I learn to love God and others. 
  • The more I can laugh at life. After all we made it through some pretty heavy stuff right?

  

    Quotes on getting older

    • “At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” Ann Landers 
    • “You’ll learn as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.” – Mandy Hale
    • “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” Woody Allen 
    • “By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” George Burns 
    •  

    (All images from Pinterest)

     

      He Brings Out the Bound into Prosperity

      Psalm 68:4-6 

      Sing to God, sing praises to His name;

      Extol Him who rides on the clouds,

      By His name YAH,

      And rejoice before Him.

       A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows,

      Is God in His holy habitation. 

      God sets the solitary in families;

      He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;

      But the rebellious dwell in a dry land. 

        

      If it starts raining,
      keep paddling
      !

      Today I am sitting in the dark declaring the Word. “He brings out the bound into prosperity.” I made a dumb mistake. 

      I set up a budget plan with our energy provider and thought everything was taken care of. We had an old bill from our old house that I set up (or so I thought). Today (two days before the bill was even due) they came and turned off the power. Ugggh. I called of course. 

      The arrangement that was set up was not completed. I thought they said to pay $187 each month for the next 6 months and it would be good. So my next payment I sent $280 trying to pay ahead.And even though I paid $100 more than the agreed amount last month the energy company told me it was $29 short of what they said I needed. I did not get the agreement in writing. 

      Lesson learned. 

      Just because a company tells you something, unless you get it in writing you don’t have a leg to stand on.

      So, I paid the past due bill in full, ouch! And our power should be on by the end of business tomorrow.

      My question is, “Why when I read the Word and find my promise for the day do I get to practice it so quickly?!!”

      Yes, I was bound to an agreement that was not honored. But now the bill is paid in full. And I am declaring prosperity over me and my family. I break all false agreements and false covenants and all confusion in Jesus Name. And I loose the prosperity that God promised us. And no, we are not buying a jet! Don’t even get me started on that misappropriation of funds…

      It’s funny, there was a time in my life where I would have ‘lost it’ over this. In fact the last time this happened (years and years ago) I was packing my bags! Not any more. So get your hands off me and my family Devil. Even when I make dumb mistakes God promised something good will come out of it! 

      So tonight, it’s me and my husband, a banjo and a guitar, and candles!!!

        

      The Girl with the Dreams

      Sometimes I dress like a dork. Really. And I forget to look at myself before I leave, lol!  I have a conference this Saturday so I thought I would go find something nice to wear. Off I went to our local mall with my head in the clouds. Busy thinking about this and that and the other thing. Until I get there – and look down…ugggh!  You can see my one pink sock clashing with my one yellow sock. And my old gym shoes with my fancy leggings. I forgot to put on my boots! Oh man, yeah, here I am Ms Suzy-Q looking at all these really expensive clothes with my clashing socks.  I laughed so hard I almost peed myself!

      So I did what any songwriter would do, I came home and wrote a song about it. (And no, I haven’t found what to wear yet – there is always tomorrow. Maybe I’ll wear pink and purple socks…)

      worth

      The Girl with the Dreams

      ~Copyright 2015 Diana Rasmussen~
      She went to the mall after dropping off the kids
      Moved hanger after hanger of the latest styles
      Who should she be today?
      Rifling through racks trying to decide
      Where was the girl with the dreams?
      Was she the stay at home mom or the busy man’s wife?
      What could she pick to bring everything back to life?
      Where’s the girl who used to put on satin and fringe?
      The girl with the dreams
      She looked down at her shoes and her mismatching socks
      Realized she left without putting on her boots
      as she silently screamed
      Can she be found in the clearance racks?
      Where was the girl with the dreams?
      Was she the stay at home mom or the busy man’s wife?
      What could she pick to bring everything back to life?
      Where’s the girl who used to put on satin and fringe?
      The girl with the dreams
      She saw that she wasn’t alone
      there were tribes of women
      all trying to be found
      inbetween the designer gowns
      There were stay at home moms and busy man’s wives
      Bringing everything they touched back to life
      They may be older but they wore satin and fringe
      Girls who grew up and were living their dreams

      AND here is a BONUS – 45 QUOTES FROM A 90 YEAR OLD WOMAN courtesy of PopSugar – great advice here! (Click on the picture or the link above)

      45 quotes

      (Image Credit: PopSugar.com, Pinterest)