Understanding Grief: My Father’s Passing and Healing

My father passed away this month. He was 83 and lived a great life nevertheless, his body just got tired. The last few months were heartbreaking. He had been diagnosed with Dementia, Parkinson’s and also had a defibrillator placed in his heart and a shunt in his brain to drain extra fluid. I stand amazed that he made it to 83. God blessed him with many more years that the Doctors said.

The Celebration of Life is this week. I am the one who lives the closest and the oldest so I am preparing the Church for his celebration. My husband is awesome and helping me too. In doing a tentative count of we have over 50 with just the immediate family. Wow, guess Dad got that be fruitful and multiply thing, lol!

For me it’s bittersweet. I am so grateful that my dad is not in any pain anymore. He had Hospice care for the last 3 weeks. But I miss him. As I gather the pictures, the playlist, the ashes, etc. I find myself paralyzed at times. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I smile remembering the good times, and other times I just stare out in space. I know grief, my mom passed away in 2012, my husband’s mom the same year, and then my father in law in 2020. My husband and I have been here before.

I think it is my body just taking a pause so my feelings and thoughts can catch up. Grief is such an erratic thing. I know about the five stages of grief, I wrote about it here: The Sound of Silence – Walking Through Grief.

As I look back on my Quotes on Greif I found this gem:

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” ― Anne Lamott

I can get that, I had a broken leg and a metal implant, and yes, it does hurt when it’s cold out! I miss him already. Lord, carry me through this valley. And thanks to my husband Bob, for preaching on this last Sunday.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
² To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
³ To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” – Isaiah 31:1-3 NKJV

God is with us in our grief, He promised never to leave us or forsake us. He reminds me:

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” – Psalm 34:17-18 NKJV

I know God will help me get through this, and He will collect all my tears, just as He did with you.

“You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?” – Psalm 56:8

What about you? How have you gotten through grief?

Here is our Celebration of Life of John Edward Roelle, of Sharon, WI