DAILY POST: Through the Window

Go to the nearest window. Look out for a full minute. Write about what you saw.

I see rain, I hear thunder, I see tears.  There are raindrops clinging to the window, and raindrops clinging to the trees.  The wind is blowing the trees, yet the raindrops still cling to the tree…

Nobody knows how much it cost you – to be you.

TD Jakes

“Sometimes we build thick impenetrable walls to protect the child in ourselves.  But by keeping everyone out, we are in a prison of our own making.  God can’t heal what we are trying to hide; be honest with yourself, its okay to not be okay.”  

words from his TV show this am…

Today I am sad; I am not okay today. Its the anniversary of my mother-in-law’s death.  A year ago today we were in Monroe, WI at the nursing home, at Oma’s side when she passed from this world into the next. My youngest daughter stayed home from school today, she couldn’t stop crying.  My son went – he didn’t want to talk about it. My husband went to work –  he is sad inside.  And here I sit typing, kinda numb.  Tears come and go, yet I don’t know what to do with them.  Isn’t God supposed to collect all these tears?   All I can say, is He better have a big bucket.

How do you let it out, when you have stuffed your feelings for so long?  I’m afraid if I let go I will drown.  I know it’s not the healthiest way to deal with things; but this life thing is a journey, not a switch. And I am not drugging myself to oblivion with script drugs today.  And I am not hurting myself today.  Progress, not perfection, they say…

Her name was Anna, but we called her Oma.  She grew up in Germany during World War 2.  She would tell us stories about how there was no food, so they would go to the neighbors house and ask for a potato, to feed the family with.  And then, just references to the Nazi soldiers…She met an American Soldier, my father-in-law, and he rescued her and brought her home to America.  A real life hero!  She loved to tell us about all the places they had lived in the world.  My husband was born in Okinawa, Japan…

She was such a strong woman, so determined to make it.  She survived cancer 2 times.  Then it came back again. She didn’t have the strength to fight it anymore; she went home to be with Jesus.  I know we will see her again someday in Heaven, but it hurts not having her here today…

So, I will be quiet today, and I will read your posts on everything from depression to hope…you all bring me hope as I share in your laughter and your tears… And you all remind me that this life is only temporary; and all our tears will turn to joy someday.  Can we hurry up with that part God, I don’t like this crying part…Thanks for listening…