I wrote this poem to share what it feels like to go to church on a Sunday morning when you are living in domestic violence. Oftentimes the abuser likes to play up how spiritual he is so he can use God’s word to justify what he does. The abuser will take the Word and twist it to batter his wife with. Seriously. Many times Pastors just give the Abuser more ammunition when they cram messages on the husband’s authority down our throats. The Abuser loves that. Now he gives himself permission to do whatever he wants to his wife, and uses God and the Pastor’s word as justification. He’s the King right? And we are supposed to submit and obey right girls? Yeah, that was fun. Thanks so much. So glad I could come.

As a victim, we know how to smile and tell everyone everything is “fine”. But do you see it in our eyes? We are screaming on the inside for someone to see. For someone to take us aside and listen to what is really going on. But “he” knows and “he” won’t let us talk to anyone without standing right beside us. No talking, no telling – that’s the rule. Or it gets worse when we get home.

Prayers and Promises

©2014 Diana Rasmussen

I come to you today
I’m sitting in this pew
Looking for answers
And a life made new

Do I tell you what happens
When I make it home?
I’m a prisoner of war
Behind his locked door

Can you give me a prayer?
Can you give me a promise?
Something to hold onto
in the middle of chaos

You see Mr Jekyll
All smiles and lies but
He twists what you say
To get his own way

Starting tonight I know
The accusations start
When I run and hide
Because he’s Mr. Hyde

Can you give me a prayer?
Can you give me a promise?
Something to hold onto
in the middle of chaos

Renew my mind
Restore my hope
Show me your grace
Rebuild this broken place

Prayers and promises
Of what will someday be
Lord, help me to see
Things can change someday

Profile of an Abuser/Batterer

1. Jealousy (questioning her constantly about whereabouts, and jealous of time she spends away from him).

2. Controlling behavior (I’ve had clients who’s victim couldn’t get a job, leave the house or bathe without his permission)

3. Isolation (Makes partner move away from family and friends so that she depends on him solely for support.)

4. Forces her to have sex against her will (I’ve had several clients who forced their partners to have sex with their friends and forces sex when she is asleep.)

5. Holds very rigid gender roles (Believes that her job is just to cater to him, he is the “king of the castle.”)

(Source: Psychology Today: Behind the Veil)

“All human beings, as we meet them, are commingled out of good and evil: and Edward Hyde, alone, in the ranks of mankind, was pure evil.” 
― Robert Louis Stevenson, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Related articles

• Painful truth: Cycle of domestic violence tough to break, police say (tribune-democrat.com)
• Domestic Violence: How to stop someone controlling you (happinessweekly.org)
• Cycle of Violence (jaayb.wordpress.com)
• Not-So-Sweet Home: The Persistence of Domestic Violence – Facts So Romantic (nautil.us)
• Testimony of Deliverance from Domestic Violence (prayersandpromises.org)
• The Truth about Domestic Violence (lovehonourandrespect.wordpress.com)
• Domestic Violence – Who Is Affected? (simpsonmillarinfographics.wordpress.com)