I was reading a friend’s blog today, Lori Lara on Allowing Our Kids to Question Their Faith when she said something that stirred my spirit.
Because faith is what happens when the rant is over; it shows up when the rage is openly drained; it’s the supernatural answer that comes when the sadness flows freely. In the fatigue of our grieving, God answers, “I’m here. I’m still here. I’ve always been here, and I’ll never leave you.”
After the rant
- Jonah got out of the whale and went to Nineveh
- Jacob quit fighting God and got a new name
- Job had his life restored.
- Paul got his sight back and went to preach and write most of the New Testament
- Peter got off the boat and preached the sermon of sermons in Acts
You know, sometimes I rant out loud and argue with God. I have been doing that for the last few days. And other times I sit in silence and rant on the inside. There are days I feel like I am screaming on the inside. I used to bury all those feelings and be afraid to express anything. Not a healthy way to live that’s for sure. It made me sick for many years, all that bottling things up. That has changed, thank you Lord. I’m ok having feelings today. And I can talk to God about how I feel without feeling like I am condemned. I rant, I argue, I cry. And then we talk.
I have to admit, sometimes I just do not know why God does what he does, and why He allows things that I don’t understand. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even know all the questions. Why do I try and figure God out? Like He is a normal person or something. Sometimes I am so familiar, or so I think, with God that I put Him in a box and expect him to do what I think. Guess I have control issues. I know I have trust issues. Just being honest.
But you know what – I’m not God. I don’t have everything figured out. Sometimes I really don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I just need to let go and let Him be God. Not like I have any say in it, I mean really – he is God all by Himself. I can’t believe I have been so selfish. Forgive me Lord. Today, I’ll stop trying to tell you what to do and how to do it. Today, I choose to trust You.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV
Thanks Lori Lara for helping me see today! Lori shares her journey of recovery, motherhood, and the healing power of God’s grace. You can follow Lori at:
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