Not my Circus, Not My Monkeys

Not my circus, not my monkeys. What do I mean by that? I don’t have to play. I don’t have to answer. I don’t have to pay the admission to join another person’s craziness.  I am not the Savior. It is not my job to fix them. Now that is freedom!

If you are living in the crazy room, I invite you to take a step back. I had to reclaim responsibility for my life and my choices. I gave my power away to the enemy of my soul for too long. No more. God gave it to me – not him! I had to “own” my life. I had to come to the realization that living in abuse was harmful – for me and my children. And I had to ask for help. The local DV shelter was my haven – and I finally got 30 days of rest.

I can’t tell you how peaceful it was – even living with 10-12 other moms and their kids. I finally had room to breathe. I finally had space to just be. And I didn’t have to prove anything to anybody. I got to choose my future. Go back for more of the same, or trust God and move forward without the Abuser. Thank you Lord for helping me get out of that circus!

Feeling trapped? Call for help. You don’t have to do this alone. Ask for help. Your story isn’t over yet!

“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been. ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His attitude is: “You owe me.” For each ounce he gives, he wants a pound in return. He wants his partner to devote herself fully to catering to him, even if it means that her own needs—or her children’s—get neglected. You can pour all your energy into keeping your partner content, but if he has this mind-set, he’ll never be satisfied for long. And he will keep feeling that you are controlling him, because he doesn’t believe that you should set any limits on his conduct or insist that he meet his responsibilities.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.” ― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Never let a man put his hands on you without your permission.”― Melda Beaty, Lime

“Now let’s move on to the subject of how a real man treats his wife. A real man doesn’t slap even a ten-dollar hooker around, if he’s got any self respect, much less hurt his own woman. Much less ten times over the mother of his kids. A real man busts his ass to feed his family, fights for them if he has to, dies for them if he has to. And he treats his wife with respect every day of his life, treats her like a queen – the queen of the home she makes for their children.” ― S.M. Stirling, Dies the Fire


  1. Diana and Ladies,

    To prayers and promises, one promise Jesus gave us is that the truth will set us free. Regardless of your circumstances, I don’t know yours, you don’t know mine, I pray that you hear the truth below and receive the benefit of God’s promise about truth.

    Lundy Bancroft is a cult leader of his own cult, “natures’ temple”. Lundy announces the cult himself on his post linked below.

    God knows our hearts, not Lundy Bancroft. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

    Lundy is anti-god. Lundy is a 2 Timothy 3 deceiver, don’t believe him.

    Ladies, don’t trust Lundy Bancroft, trust God.

    Thanks and Salt, love, Jason

    • Thank you for sharing with us Jason. I was not aware of this and I am grateful you led us to the truth. Sometimes I find quotes that touch me, and I have not read the whole story. I appreciate your thoughts, God bless you, Diana

      • Diana,

        Thanks for your gracious response. Thanks for Gods’ Grace. Let’s hope we a copying our Father.

        Below is a site by a woman who lost her sister to a Lundy Bancroft deceived ministry. Like most folks on the internet, we may never meet, but this woman sharing her struggle has been a great blessing to me, and possibly now you.

        Just so you know, I am a 54 year old husband, father and adopted son of the One True God. My wife and I are still married. (24 years) we have two teen age boys, our younger son with autism. My story is my wife’s frustration with our younger sons’ “lack of cure” for autism has morphed into me being “abusive” via the Lundy bancroft definition of “abuse”. Again you have no way of knowing but I say I am not “abusive” and no fellow believers have come to me as Jesus directs to show me my sin.

        Hence I am led to tell any Godly people about the problems with Lundy Bancroft. As a last comment about our autistic son Jonah, almost every day I get to see God ordain praise for himself out of that kids mouth! So I get to see the Word of God fulfilled in my own house, through the singing of my own son, almost every day. Even though things are very rough with me and my “lost” wife, God still walks with us. We’ll be happy for any prayers you can offer.

        Thanks and Salt, love, Jason

        • Thank you Jason – prayers for all of you. I can only imagine the stress of everyday life. I taught in the schools for about 3 years in special ed, and I had to take a break. I was exhausted…I pray peace and rest and joy for you and your family, in Jesus Name. I have to say, I learned more about love from the kids that I worked with. There was no fear, only love…

  2. Thank you so much for all you are doing to help and inform! God bless you immensely and love on you hugely today!

  3. Love it … You are much appreciated, sister! Thanks for always being such an encourager!!!!

      • You would think that this long winter would have made an end to them … but I think the ones on steroids survived 🙁

      • you would think that the harsh winter would have done them all in … but I guess some of them were indeed on steroids and survived … Argh 🙁

  4. Diana,
    You are courageous and loved. Lifted by God. Thank you for this sharing of heart and soul.
    I was drug across the floor by my neck by a boyfriend as a teenager. I tell the story in my book… like you, to help others.
    I pray every abused person knows their worth.

    • Thank you Heather. It is amazing what we have lived through. We know there is a God – we are still here! Blessings and peace to you courageous warrior! Diana

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