Who says getting older is easy? It’s not easy. The longer I roam around in this tent of a body the more it shows signs of wear and tear. Can I get a trade-in Lord? I am ready for that new body Lord. This one is not what it used to be.
It happened the other day, another tremor. Legs shaking uncontrollably and not a thing I could do about it. I really thought this was over. It has been so long since the last bout. After 3 Neurologists and a Neuropsychiatrist I thought we had this condition taken care of. But no, after a yelling match from an angry relative my wonderful fight-or-flight response takes off and it’s supercharged. Then the legs start shaking. I tell them to stop, but they don’t listen. Ugggh, it’s a mess. They gave it a name FND (Functional Neurological Disorder) and I wrote about it here.
Sometimes I feel so trapped inside this disability. I feel trapped in this body. I have a whole new appreciation of what a disabled person goes through. To have the Spirit of the Living God inside of you and still be stuck in this body just sucks sometimes. Most of the time I don’t talk about it. It’s too hard. I just ignore it thinking it will just disappear on it’s own. It’s easier that way.
I know, it’s probably not the most healthy choice. Denial is a big river, lol. I want to be well. So does everyone else living here on planet Earth. I see what my husband has to endure daily. It breaks my heart sometimes that I can’t just wave a magic wand and fix it. I pray and yet here we both sit. So many people hurting right now.
But [we are different, because] our citizenship is in heaven. And from there we eagerly await [the coming of] the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who, by exerting that power which enables Him even to subject everything to Himself, will [not only] transform [but completely refashion] our earthly bodies so that they will be like His glorious resurrected body. – Philippians 3:20-21
I don’t want to go back to talking therapy. I have said everything I could say to myself already. I’m not interested in going to any 12 step meetings either. I spent over 10 years in that rabbit hole. I am not what I do or don’t do… God has taught me that on this winding road called life. I am who He says I am. I am not my disability either. That’s another black hole leading to destruction. Lord, renew my mind and my body in Jesus Name!
And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you]. – Romans 12:2 AMP
There is hope. God does have a plan. Hallelujah and Amen! I may not see it yet, but I have faith that God will do what He promised. God has plans for you too.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Yes, this tent may need repair, but it still works! It may not be the latest and greatest model, but it is a tried and true tent. I pray for anyone that is reading this and is still living in pain or sickness. I know it is hard. I know it really sucks sometimes. I am there with you. I understand.
Lord, help us all. You came to seek and save the lost. You came to restore all that the devil has stolen for us. You said you would restore the years the locust has eaten and give us a double portion.
Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. – Isaiah 61:7 NIV
Thank you Lord for the journey. Thank you that you will give us a new heavenly body. Thank you Lord for continuing to build our faith with Your Word. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. I am so grateful your plan is better than mine. I am grateful that you know the end from the beginning and You have a plan. I choose to trust you today, in Jesus Name!
For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.
So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body. – 2 Corinthians 5:1-10 NLT
