It has been brought up again and again, “Why doesn’t she just leave him?” I wish there was an easy answer. But it is different for each person. That is why it is IMPERATIVE, in my opinion, that a victim seek professional help. The Police get involved for a reason. There are counselors in place at every domestic violence shelter that I have ever been to. There are professional counselors that will help lead a person out of bondage. Even our regular MD Doctors ask us every visit, ” Do you feel safe at home?” There are Pastors that can help someone get the help they need. I had to tell someone, anyone, what was going on. BREAKING THE SILENCE was step one for me to get out alive. I didn’t have to dump everything, I just had to say something…
Ok, you asked. Here are the statistics along with my source.
We don’t leave right away because we fear for our lives.
We have been told again and again that if we do we will be killed,
and so will our children…and many die trying.
Terrorism – in your own house, that’s what it’s like….
and here is a .pdf with
50 OBSTACLES TO LEAVING a.k.a. WHY ABUSE VICTIMS STAY
One out of every three women will be abused at some point in her life.
*
Battering is the single major cause of injury to women, exceeding rapes, muggings and auto accidents combined.
*
A woman is more likely to be killed by a male partner (or former partner) than any other person.
*
About 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence.
*
Of the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended.
*
Seventy-three percent of male abusers were abused as children.
*
Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband in the past year.
*
Women of all races are equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate partner.
*
On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or partners in this country every day.
*
Intimate partner violence a crime that largely affects women. In 1999, women accounted for 85% of the victims of intimate partner violence.
*On average, a woman will leave an abusive relationship seven times before she leaves for good.
*
Approximately 75% of women who are killed by their batterers are murdered when they attempt to leave or after they have left an abusive relationship.
I stand with any abuse victim 🙂 No one should touch another or hurt with their mouths. I think they should feel what’s its like to be a victim for one second. They wouldn’t be able to handle it. Their evilness would crumble. If only their tongues were made of glass. That would break from one evil word. They then could not hurt someone. Abusers take their spirit from their victims ;( That’s why they don’t fight back-Whitecrow
I have dealt with soldiers coming from back from Iraq. They were our everyday American and Apple pie boys. Who never experienced the horrors of war. They came back with post traumatic stress. For instance one of the soldiers came home and we took him to to the races. He had never been to one before. When the cars started racing the sound. It made him drop down and hide at the race track. He was so scared and shaken. He thought a bomb was coming. Part of him was still in Iraq. The boy I knew who left for Iraq was not the same boy who came home. I could see his free spirit was broken from the horrors of war. That’s what happens to an abuse victim. They have beautiful spirits when they start in a relationship. As the abusers degrades them and puts them down. They start thinking they deserve their punishment from the abusers. They start believing the lies. It degrades them and they start to lose their spirit and identity. They are like the soldier they are afraid of doing something wrong. So they hide, so they won’t experience anymore pain. They are more scared of the punishments and abuse from their abusers. That if they run and leave the abuser will follow. For the few that do escape, that abuse haunts them as it does for the experiences the soldier experienced in war. Horror is horror. Give it whatever name. But know one should speak about abuse except someone who has been abused. I was abducted by a serial killer and let go. Some he killed. But I did not allow him to crush my spirit.- But I could not escape. So sometimes people can’t just leave from abuse. The one that asks that question-What would they do if the were abducted by a serial killer-Would be my question. But some recover their spirits, but some face such horrors their spirit stays broken. They have been abused so badly. Like the Jews in Nazi concentration camps. They would have loved have left their abusers-Whitecrow
Thank you so much. Now I get what you meant. I agree with you, some recover and some don’t. I know for me it has been a process. And I still run into “triggers” sometimes that I did not know I had.
I cannot imagine what you have been through. I am grateful you are safe today. I will have to come to your blog and get to know you better.
May I share your comment as a post? I really think this should be shared. Thank you again WhiteCrow. Blessings to you my friend, Diana
Religious and social, financial destitution, concern over what leaving will do to the children emotionally, concern for the effect on the abusive spouse, believing no one else wants you or that you can’t do it on your own… There are hundreds of reasons to stay, and the biggest one is that batterers become the most dangerous when you try to leave. Plus divorce and custody battles are expensive and ugly. It’s so much easier to justify staying than it is leaving. Plus n you have all of your energy focused on surviving, it’s very hard to find any to plan on running. Something has to happen to where staying is no longer acceptable.
Religious and social, financial destitution, concern over what leaving will do to the children emotionally, concern for the effect on the abusive spouse, believing no one else wants you or that you can’t do it on your own… There are hundreds of reasons to stay, and the biggest one is that batterers become the most dangerous when you try to leave. Plus divorce and custody battles are expensive and ugly. It’s so much easier to justify staying than it is leaving. Plus n you have all of your energy focused on surviving, it’s very hard to find any to plan on running. Something has to happen to where staying is no longer acceptable.
Thank you for this post. I actually had a psychiatrist ask me that question: “Why didn’t you leave?” I immediately found a different one by the way. Do people know what they are doing by asking a person with PTSD from abuse this question? Victims tend to blame themselves. I know people mean well, but this is great info…thank you for sharing.
Wow, that is so lame. I am glad you found a new Dr. And no wonder we sometimes suffer from PTSD, so would anyone who had to live like that! It just irks me to no end. Do we ask our soldiers that question when they come home from war? Noooooo, we get them all the help they need and rightfully deserve. He’ll us Lord, to make the wrong things right! Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate you sharing today.
Thank you for sharing this information. People don’t understand that a woman in an abusive relationship does not always have the resources to be able to leave…and yes, threats to herself and children need to be taken seriously!
Reblogged this on The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel and commented:
As Domestic Awareness Month approaches, I will continue to share info on violence. Many are abused, men and women, children and elderly… the key to stopping the violence is to stop the silence… Please speak out and get help through local organizations or call the domestic violence hotline at 888-411-1333 for assistance.
Hey sis… Absolutely love this too. It fits right into what I posted about midnight for DV Awareness. I was going to write something like this but hope you don’t mind that I just reblog yours instead… You are such a blessing and an instrumental voice for the abused… God bless you sis…
While your facts and figures are interesting, they do not tell the whole story. I know, I have been a counselor of abused men in marriages. I can tell you that there are many men who are abused by wives, beat up, even killed. And the problem is growing. Often ignored. It is deeply taboo. Covered over in American and many western societies. Humiliating. There’s nothing wonderful about a wife beating you up in the middle of the night when you are trying to sleep…or kickboxing you into a corner, sinking her teeth deeply into your arm, or severely damaging your genitalia. While I, and so many others, watch, horrified by the abuse of women, particularly in the third world, the destruction of marriage by abuse of men in America and the western world is ignored. But I will not ignore it. I have seen it. And I will fight to say that all abuse is wrong and should be condemned.
I think one of the things that was an eye opener to me was that 73% of Abusers have been sexually abused themselves as children. Can we focus some time and money here? Lets get them the help that they need too…
I’m with both of you on this I don’t like “jab” either! When I got married the first time it was till death do us part and I took my marriage extremely seriously. I did not deserve what I got. Wrong is indeed wrong!
As always, My lovely, Diana… Spot on!! I am always tired of this phrase being “jabbed” at me…like I asked for or deserved what happened to me… Love you… <3 ~*~
I don’t like “jabs” either. And it just irks me when people who have no idea the hell we lived through start throwing rocks. We didn’t ask for any of it. No one deserves any of it. Wrong is wrong. That is not what we signed up for.
My pleasure. It came from nowhere a few weeks ago. Fitting, and right to support a worthy cause. Please check my site out, and feel free to spread the word. Keep going! Peace and love x
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Absolutely beautiful… made me cry… thank you for posting this…
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I stand with any abuse victim 🙂 No one should touch another or hurt with their mouths. I think they should feel what’s its like to be a victim for one second. They wouldn’t be able to handle it. Their evilness would crumble. If only their tongues were made of glass. That would break from one evil word. They then could not hurt someone. Abusers take their spirit from their victims ;( That’s why they don’t fight back-Whitecrow
May I ask what you mean by ‘take their spirit’? I have never heard that before. Please help us understand. Thanks, Diana
I have dealt with soldiers coming from back from Iraq. They were our everyday American and Apple pie boys. Who never experienced the horrors of war. They came back with post traumatic stress. For instance one of the soldiers came home and we took him to to the races. He had never been to one before. When the cars started racing the sound. It made him drop down and hide at the race track. He was so scared and shaken. He thought a bomb was coming. Part of him was still in Iraq. The boy I knew who left for Iraq was not the same boy who came home. I could see his free spirit was broken from the horrors of war. That’s what happens to an abuse victim. They have beautiful spirits when they start in a relationship. As the abusers degrades them and puts them down. They start thinking they deserve their punishment from the abusers. They start believing the lies. It degrades them and they start to lose their spirit and identity. They are like the soldier they are afraid of doing something wrong. So they hide, so they won’t experience anymore pain. They are more scared of the punishments and abuse from their abusers. That if they run and leave the abuser will follow. For the few that do escape, that abuse haunts them as it does for the experiences the soldier experienced in war. Horror is horror. Give it whatever name. But know one should speak about abuse except someone who has been abused. I was abducted by a serial killer and let go. Some he killed. But I did not allow him to crush my spirit.- But I could not escape. So sometimes people can’t just leave from abuse. The one that asks that question-What would they do if the were abducted by a serial killer-Would be my question. But some recover their spirits, but some face such horrors their spirit stays broken. They have been abused so badly. Like the Jews in Nazi concentration camps. They would have loved have left their abusers-Whitecrow
Thank you so much. Now I get what you meant. I agree with you, some recover and some don’t. I know for me it has been a process. And I still run into “triggers” sometimes that I did not know I had.
I cannot imagine what you have been through. I am grateful you are safe today. I will have to come to your blog and get to know you better.
May I share your comment as a post? I really think this should be shared. Thank you again WhiteCrow. Blessings to you my friend, Diana
Reblogged this on Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie and commented:
Why Doesn’t She Just Leave?
Religious and social, financial destitution, concern over what leaving will do to the children emotionally, concern for the effect on the abusive spouse, believing no one else wants you or that you can’t do it on your own… There are hundreds of reasons to stay, and the biggest one is that batterers become the most dangerous when you try to leave. Plus divorce and custody battles are expensive and ugly. It’s so much easier to justify staying than it is leaving. Plus n you have all of your energy focused on surviving, it’s very hard to find any to plan on running. Something has to happen to where staying is no longer acceptable.
I understand. Thank you so much for sharing tonight.
Religious and social, financial destitution, concern over what leaving will do to the children emotionally, concern for the effect on the abusive spouse, believing no one else wants you or that you can’t do it on your own… There are hundreds of reasons to stay, and the biggest one is that batterers become the most dangerous when you try to leave. Plus divorce and custody battles are expensive and ugly. It’s so much easier to justify staying than it is leaving. Plus n you have all of your energy focused on surviving, it’s very hard to find any to plan on running. Something has to happen to where staying is no longer acceptable.
[…] Reposed From Prayer and Promises Blog http://dianarasmussen.com/2013/09/08/why-doesnt-she-just-leave/ […]
Thank you so much for the re-blog!
Thank you for this post. I actually had a psychiatrist ask me that question: “Why didn’t you leave?” I immediately found a different one by the way. Do people know what they are doing by asking a person with PTSD from abuse this question? Victims tend to blame themselves. I know people mean well, but this is great info…thank you for sharing.
Wow, that is so lame. I am glad you found a new Dr. And no wonder we sometimes suffer from PTSD, so would anyone who had to live like that! It just irks me to no end. Do we ask our soldiers that question when they come home from war? Noooooo, we get them all the help they need and rightfully deserve. He’ll us Lord, to make the wrong things right! Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate you sharing today.
Thank you for sharing this information. People don’t understand that a woman in an abusive relationship does not always have the resources to be able to leave…and yes, threats to herself and children need to be taken seriously!
I couldn’t agree with you more. Thank you for stopping by and sharing with us today. God bless you!
Reblogged this on The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel and commented:
As Domestic Awareness Month approaches, I will continue to share info on violence. Many are abused, men and women, children and elderly… the key to stopping the violence is to stop the silence… Please speak out and get help through local organizations or call the domestic violence hotline at 888-411-1333 for assistance.
Hey sis… Absolutely love this too. It fits right into what I posted about midnight for DV Awareness. I was going to write something like this but hope you don’t mind that I just reblog yours instead… You are such a blessing and an instrumental voice for the abused… God bless you sis…
Thank you Angel, I really appreciate all you do to spread the light!
You too sis… 🙂
While your facts and figures are interesting, they do not tell the whole story. I know, I have been a counselor of abused men in marriages. I can tell you that there are many men who are abused by wives, beat up, even killed. And the problem is growing. Often ignored. It is deeply taboo. Covered over in American and many western societies. Humiliating. There’s nothing wonderful about a wife beating you up in the middle of the night when you are trying to sleep…or kickboxing you into a corner, sinking her teeth deeply into your arm, or severely damaging your genitalia. While I, and so many others, watch, horrified by the abuse of women, particularly in the third world, the destruction of marriage by abuse of men in America and the western world is ignored. But I will not ignore it. I have seen it. And I will fight to say that all abuse is wrong and should be condemned.
Thank you, you bring up a good point. I can only speak from my experience. I will have to head over to your blog to learn more. Thank you.
Here is more info from TheLostKerryman and men who have been abused:
http://thelostkerryman.wordpress.com/2013/09/09/the-unthinkable-think-again/
Great information! You are helping those who happen upon your blog!
Thank you my friend 🙂
As mentioned it is the recidivism of the abuse that is totally unacceptable and then more salt in the wound – blaming the victim for being a victim
I think one of the things that was an eye opener to me was that 73% of Abusers have been sexually abused themselves as children. Can we focus some time and money here? Lets get them the help that they need too…
I’m with both of you on this I don’t like “jab” either! When I got married the first time it was till death do us part and I took my marriage extremely seriously. I did not deserve what I got. Wrong is indeed wrong!
Yep. I had a Pastor tell me once that in the old days there was a “behind the woodshed” ministry for men that abused their wives…
As always, My lovely, Diana… Spot on!! I am always tired of this phrase being “jabbed” at me…like I asked for or deserved what happened to me… Love you… <3 ~*~
I don’t like “jabs” either. And it just irks me when people who have no idea the hell we lived through start throwing rocks. We didn’t ask for any of it. No one deserves any of it. Wrong is wrong. That is not what we signed up for.
Love you too sis <3<3<3
Kicking
Kicking, kicking,
To get out of that house,
The bricks, strong, no longer,
Keep her tied to that spouse.
The walls that she’s gone through,
The fight from within,
No more will he hold her,
In that prison with him.
For she’s made from more,
Than just wattle and daub,
A sponge made of iron,
What she had to absorb.
Away now she flies,
No more tears to cry,
Her patience run out,
That well- run dry.
And what comes of him,
That man now so small,
Who once puffed his chest,
Made himself look tall?
He’ll meet with his match,
When fate comes to call,
As no matter where he hides,
It’ll come to ‘em all.
And now she is free,
A star shining bright,
For she has found strength,
To break into the light.
Thus is amazing Andrew! I couldn’t have said it better myself! Abundant peace and blessings to you my friend…Diana
My pleasure. It came from nowhere a few weeks ago. Fitting, and right to support a worthy cause. Please check my site out, and feel free to spread the word. Keep going! Peace and love x
Absolutely beautiful… made me cry… thank you for posting this…
thank you Dove, you are such a treasure to me…