Ok, my day to rant.  Tired of life, tired of pretend, tired of the game…

Upset at others and myself. See, I am a Chameleon, I know how to do and say just what YOU want so I can fit in.  I know how to play the game, be the quarterback, carry the ball, make the touchdown, etc.  And believe me, I know how to wear the ‘uniform’.

Yet today, I am questioning my motives.  Why am I playing this game?  Why is it a game? What am I trying to prove? Why do I still want approval from men?  And I know that if I am upset at what someone else is doing – then I am probably doing the SAME thing, only I see it in them first.

So, talking to me, myself, and I today, listen if you want:

It’s not about me, it’s all about HIM.  What Jesus has done, not how good I am, how bad I am, how much I do or don’t do, whether I believe enough or have enough faith/money/time/ministry, etc. When am I going to take my eyes off of myself? Do this, don’t do that, follow these 5 things, you need to pray more, you need more faith, you need to believe more,  you need to ______…blah, blah, blah.  

So, I am selfish.  Yep, I admit it. I think this God thing is all about my/our comfort and convenience, and what I bring or DO FOR GOD.  Or that’s what we call it, to justify ourselves.  That way we can keep busy and not come to Him.  Or admit our faults to Him – or anyone else.   Put a cross on it and pretend everything is good. Wear ourselves out ‘looking good’ on the outside.   And we wonder why nobody wants what we have, why church membership is declining? Why our teens are leaving in droves?

Maybe they are tired of the game.  Maybe they see behind the curtain we put back up.  The one that says, “Hey look at me and what I have done for God.”  Don’t you want some of this?

Yeah right – how is that working for you Ms. D? Peaceful yet? Happy? Content?

Nope. Rather miserable actually.

Organized religion has dummied down the Gospel and Jesus to a 3 point sermon. And they are charging you for a copy of the tape.

I’m so tired of the games. Tired of the Kingdoms fighting to be on top. Tired of the positioning, the blaming, the fighting – to be noticed. Everyone is looking for self-importance, self glory.  “I did this, but I didn’t do that, but she (or he) is/isn’t isn’t doing this. Hey I go to this event, but you don’t. Hey, I do this, but you don’t.  Hey you don’t get to help do this because ‘I want to make sure it’s done right.’ ”  Let’s just keep playing the game right?

It’s kind of amazing the hail and brimstone hasn’t fallen down and blown us all to bits for our childish attitudes. The fight to stay on top.

Who is the best Preacher?

Who is the best singer?

Who is the best Teacher?

UGGGGH – NONE OF US!

So why are we playing?

What are we trying to prove?  

And – Why are we fighting to prove it?

And who are we walking on top of to be right?

Can you do the ‘right’ thing with the ‘wrong’ attitude?

Is that right then? Or wrong?

 

Here is part of an article I found at Crosswalk.com by Dr. James Emery White that talks about this issue.

(Click the title to read more of the article)

THE NARCISSISTIC CHURCH

Yet a spiritual narcissism has invaded our thinking where the individual needs and desires of the Believer become the center of attention.

Have you ever heard the way we talk?

“I want to go where I’m fed” or “I need to be ministered to” rolls off our tongues without even blushing.  We walk out of a worship service and say, “I didn’t get anything out of it” as if worship was about what we received rather than what we gave to God.

And it’s killing the church, blinding our vision, paralyzing our mission, and muting our voice.

But is it simply a reflection of a narcissistic culture?  Or could it be something we secretly feed ourselves?

Pride –  still dealing with it myself.  Holy Spirit is still showing me the high places that need to come down. Mountains of Self that I have in my mind, whether they are right or wrong beliefs.  I think I have a BELIEF MOUNTAIN, and a FEELINGS MOUNTAIN and an ENTITLEMENT MOUNTAIN and a GUILT MOUNTAIN and an ANGER MOUNTAIN and a SELF LOATHING MOUNTAIN, and a SELF PROMOTION MOUNTAIN etc. that all need to FALL DOWN.

How about you? I know, my attitude sucks today.  Just being truthful, take it or leave it, just where I’m at today.  I’m sitting down, I’ll sit on the sidelines for a while.  Ms D doesn’t want to play.