Have you ever run across someone who blatantly refuses God? Or becomes angry when you come to The Lord? Yeah, me too. Many times the Abuser gets jealous of a woman’s relationship with God and God’s people. They suddenly realize they are not on the throne anymore. The Abuser is not God. No matter how many times he tells you he is. It’s a lie.
You can tell this was written from my angry days. From when I wish he would just go away. It is normal to be angry when someone you thought was supposed to love you treats you that way. It wasn’t love. It was abuse. If you are living in a violent relationship, get help today. Get out while you still can. And heal, with God’s help.
Here’s an old poem I found from my journals when I was living in Domestic Violence.
DROWNING IN FEAR
©2014 Diana Rasmussen
Living in the land of the shadows
Holding a bow with broken arrows
Shooting at all who God calls hallowed
He’d rather steal, kill, and borrow
He fell into his bottle of sorrows
Drowning in the fear of tomorrows
Determined to refuse God’s promises
Trades the Truth for a Lie just to wallow
The dead man refuses to follow
The God who cares for the sparrows
He fell into his bottle of sorrows
Drowning in the fear of tomorrows
Diana, what about when the woman has a profound relationship with God while being abused and somehow refuses to give up her relationship with God when out of nowhere the Abuser himself turns to God and never abuses nor looks backs. How do you forgive the Abuser?
wowzer, that’s a question girl. I have not had an Abuser that truly turned to God. They did for awhile, I think to get more power and control, and then he would use religion against me. I can’t tell you how many times he would chase me around the house telling me I had to ‘obey’ because ‘God said so”. Ultimate control – and using God to get it.
As far as forgiveness, I had to separate myself from the situation first. I was not healthy. I had no boundaries. He would abuse me, then the next day say ‘oh, sorry, can we start over?’. Then I would pretend it never happened – I thought I was forgiving him but it was really denial. The cycle of abuse would continue as long as I kept believing he would change. And that I was going to be the one to change him. The ‘honeymoon’ stage kept getting shorter and shorter. And the abuse continued – until I left with the kids.
When I was safe I was able to forgive – yet that did not mean I would live that way any longer. I had to trust God to deal with him. He was sick. I was sick. Two sick people don’t help each other. Forgiveness for me meant letting God take over the situation, letting God show me how to take care of myself and my kids, and learning how to say no.
Your journey may be different – idk. but God bless you on your journey, Diana
I thought of my dad, an alcoholic who “He fell into his bottle of sorrows, Drowning in the fear of {yesterday’s}” He was torn between those fears and the love for his family.
yes, me too. I have known so many. It breaks my heart, the silent tears and fears and battles that have never been spoken. Set them free Lord Jesus!
Amen!
So thankful for your ministry, Diana, and how you can voice just what it’s like out of experience, that He now uses to reach out to others. God bless you!
Thank you Debbie. I am glad God restored my voice. For so many years I lived in silence. I know I may be a bit too blunt at times. I’m still learning 😉
Short, simple, yet oh, so truthful. I’m so very glad you allowed His love to conquer you, my friend. <3
Me too sis. Only His love can give us freedom from fear. Thank you beautiful.