12 steps, Abuse, abuser, Boundaries, broken heart, deception, Domestic abuse, Domestic Violence, healing, Jezebel, jezebel spirit, keeping your sanity, let go, lies, Narcissist, power and control, Recovery, Relationships, sanity, steps, Unhealthy relationships
Keeping your sanity – when you are sleeping with the enemy. Let me share a story. I came to the Lord during a time of crisis in my life. Isn’t that how it goes? Anyway, I was charmed by the ‘snake’ just like Eve in the garden. His talk was smooth, he was absolutely charming, but underneath he was a snake. I lived many years in Domestic Abuse and little did I know that this was the start of a very destructive relationship. And, it has happened to me more than once – more than one relationship.
The World calls him the Abuser,
the Doctors call him the Narcissist,
and the Church calls him the Jezebel Spirit.
It’s all about deception, and ultimately power and control.
And you my friend are the target if you fall for his lies.
Recently I got an email from a follower asking for action steps on how to keep your sanity in the middle of the mess. Thank you my friend for the inspiration. Here is my experience.
12 STEPS TO KEEPING YOUR SANITY
WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY
Accept the fact that you have been deceived. The dream was a nightmare. It was not what you thought, and that’s ok. The truth will set you free.
Ask God to help you and read His Word. Only the Truth will cut through the lies.
Ask God to reveal where you have been lied to. And get ready for tears as God shows you.
Once the Holy Spirit shows you, give yourself permission NOT to confront the Abuser/Narcissist/Enemy. You don’t have to prove yourself right. God is showing you, not him. And seriously, he doesn’t care – he doesn’t want to.
Start a journal. Write down what happens. Find a scripture verse to hold onto for the situation and write that down too. I had a tendency to forget what happened with living from crisis to crisis. Seeing it down on paper over time made it real for me.
Give yourself permission to NOT change him. It is not your job. And he probably doesn’t even want to change. He thinks he is right – all the time.
Give yourself some space and time. Not everything has to be decided today.
Seek out professional support. I had help from the Pastor, church friends, Counselors, and a few friends.
Start to reestablish your independence – quietly if you are still living in the same house. Start looking for a job, call someone, read a motivational book. Reignite the flame that he has blown out. You can do it.
Ask God to put a barrier between you and the Abuser/Narcissist/Enemy. Every time I saw the Abuser I pictured mirrors all around me. That way anything he said bounced right back to him.
If you are married, ask God for wisdom. God did not create you to be abused. Spiritual abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse are NOT what marriage is. I had to separate with my ex. And he still did not want to change. With his repeated unfaithfulness we eventually divorced. It was messy, yes, but today I live in peace.
Yes, pray for him. Whether he changes or not, it will free you. Forgiveness does not mean what he did was right, but it frees you from the baggage and allows God to deal with him. There is such freedom in letting go of trying to change him. Let go of the strings my friends, God will take it from here.
I found a wonderful image of what this looks like from The Narcissists Wife.
(Other images from Pinterest)